Unwanted

Chapter 14

The feeling of loneliness. The longer you have it you'd think you'd get used to it, but you don't. And if a person, who you like, enters your life, then just leaves again, the feeling of being alone becomes worse, to where your almost always in pain.

Chapter 14

I stood in the dark a long time. Staring at the spot where Jared left. I couldn't seem to move. I was so shocked. He said he wouldn't abandon me, but I guess deep down I knew he would, then again I believed him anyway. Look where that got me. Alone. Again. Yet another person left my life, like it was nothing.

I didn't cry, I've cried enough. And I think even if I wanted to cry, nothing would come out. I felt dead inside, completely and totally numb, like not being connected to the world.

I took a deep breath and on shaky legs, started walking back home. While I was walking back I couldn't help it, my thoughts drifted off to Jared. 

He really was the ultimate jerk. Promising me he wouldn't leave, then just leaves, like it was nothing.

I felt the anger building, but I wouldn't do anything about it. Showing him I was angry basically said I cared, and I wouldn't give him the power, and he doesn't get to have any power over me.

So instead of showing anger, I let it build inside me. All the anger over the last eight years has been building. I know it's wrong, and bad, and I'll probably explode someday, but that day isn't today. Today I will be calm, like it didn't effect me at all.

When I reached the clearing of the woods, my house came into view, and so did Jared's. I sighed and casted my eyes downwards. I didn't want to see if he was looking, because I knew I couldn't help but look back. It's almost like he has some sort of power over me. But I think it goes both ways.

I kept walking until I was securely in the safety of my bedroom. I took a deep breath of relief when I lied on my bed. I needed to take a shower, but I was just so tired. That ran really exhausted me. I'll just lie here a minute, I thought. It was only 11:00pm.

But that minute turned into hours.

~.~

I woke up in the dark. Where was I? I wondered.

I sat up from bed and looked around, it's just my bedroom. I looked over at the clock to see it was 2:00am. I groaned I really need to take a shower!

I dragged my legs over my bed and turned on the night table light. It lite up the room right away.

Then I walked into my bathroom and turned the light on, along with the shower.

Stripping, and walking into the shower, I washed my hair, and put in conditioner. Probably in record time too.

Drying myself off with the towel, I walked out of the shower and into the closet. After deciding on a giant plain blue T-shirt, I grabbed some regular underpants and put on the clothes. Drying off my hair, I looked into the mirror. I kind of looked half dead, with dark bags underneath my bloodshot eyes, and my wet brown hair hanging down my back. I sighed and looked away.

I brushed out my hair with my wet brush, then braided it in a normal braid behind my head. Finally after brushing my teeth, I was done.

I quickly turned off the bathroom light and walked into bed. Pulling the covers over my head, I prepared myself for the inevitable of nightmares.

~.~

There was a little boy, I didn't know who, but he said he wanted to protect me, that it was his job to protect me. I asked him why it was his 'job' but he only replied with "I was born to." I asked him why again, and he replied with, "Because, it was written in the stars Nicole."

I woke up with a gasp. It felt so real, so raw. It's never been like that before, usually I wake up screaming, and sweating. But this wasn't a nightmare, it was a dream. My first dream in eight years, and it felt so real.

I shook of the weird feeling and got out of bed. Doing my morning routine of brushing my hair, getting dressed in some full length leggings, and a loose white T-shirt, pairing it with some brown combat boots. I was ready, I don't even know why I got ready today. I didn't have to go to the shelter, or anywhere else for that matter.

Sighing, I sat on my newly made bed and looked outside my screen door to Jared's house. I couldn't help it, I felt like I was drawn to him. I didn't understand it at all.

After finally tearing my eyes away from his house I stood up. I started walking upstairs, quickly checking my moms door to make sure it was closed, which it was, I continued walking to the attic spacing.

We never went in the attic, the only way you could get to it was through the laundry room. There was this space on the roof of the room, and if you pulled down on the little string, the stairs fell down so you could walk up into the attic.

We used it for storage, storage of my fathers things. After he left eight years ago without saying a word, my mother waited a couple of months before finally admitting he wasn't coming back. Therefore she packed all of his things and shoved them into the attic without thinking twice.

I came up here whenever I felt down, like I didn't know what to do anymore, and now was one of those times.

Walking up the stairs to the attic, after I pulled down the string. The attic was a fair space, with dust covering the walls, almost like it was savoring everything. Boxes covered the attic space, boxes of my fathers life. There was a window to the far right corner of the room, but besides that, no light came in.

I sighed and sat down near the big stack of boxes and started opening them. I loved looking at his stuff, it was like I was looking at his life through his eyes.

I pulled out a couple of old photos, some had my father and I, and others had my mother and father together, smiling happily. I smiled at them and traced my father face with my index finger, he looked so happy here.

I never understood why he had to leave. I knew he had to have had a good reason to, right? He wouldn't just abandon his family. I knew it in my heart he wouldn't, he was a kind hearted man, who adored my mother and I.

Taking more things out of the box, I felt some sort of stone at my fingers. Frowning, I looked inside the box, there lay a necklace. A special kind of necklace, one I've never seen before in my life.

It was a simple silver circle with different kinds of symbols covering it, but the inside rounded a star, a five pointed star, with a blue stone in the middle.

I carefully picked it up and examined it, I've never seen anything like it before. Was it my fathers maybe? But wouldn't I have remembered him wearing it?

The necklace was beautiful, and if it was my fathers I wanted to wear it. Unclasping the black string that held it, I put it around my neck and tied it.

I looked down at it and noticed something strange was happening. The blue stone in the middle was lighting up, becoming brighter and brighter.

I gasped and fell back on my elbows. Curiously, I touched the blue stone. My eyes flashed a bright blue light, and I gasped against the intensity  of it.

"What's happening?!" I frantically tried to untie the necklace, but it wouldn't come undone.

"My dear sweet child. Look at me." Said a voice to my left. The voice sounded familiar, like I've heard it a million times before.

Ignoring the feeling of not wanting to look, I turned my head to the voice.

It was my father, but it wasn't really him, he was covered in a blue light that surround him.

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Sorry I haven't updated recently, I've been preparing for a jumpers show I'm doing with my horse. Hope you enjoyed this chapter!

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