Elizabeth with a B.

Back to School

The autumn air was crisp and sharp, sending a chill Elizabeth's way. She felt so cold but she had not thought to bring a coat, since the sun was shining, but it was so deceitful. The trees were beautifully multicoloured with hues of red and gold and burnt oranges. She could smell the smoke from wood burning at the school, to protect poor students against the horrid cold. Her breath came out in faint white puffs of air.

Her decision to return to Avonlea school had been impulsive. It had been months and months and months since she had set foot inside of those walls. It felt like years since she attended her father's funeral and years since Gilbert's leaving. She must have 15 letters by now. Not one day went by where she didn't wonder what was in them. She made a deal with herself to open the letters if by chance they stopped coming or she knew for a fact he was not coming back.

It felt like a lifetime ago, when all she felt was sorrow. Now she felt much lighter on her feet but the loneliness was palpable. Studying the farm with Billy had been fun but it had to end somehow. It was scandalous to be in a room alone with a man, but that was not the reason. She finally had a tight grip on the farm and understood it to it's core. Profits were rising, as were expenses, and she owed it all to Billy. She even bought him a gift to thank him, but she had not seen him for weeks. He came by still, but it slowly got less and less often, and eventually not at all.

Prissy told her he wasn't busy at all, so Elizabeth supposed Billy didn't like going there anymore or preferred to stay at home, which was fine, but she would have liked to thank him regardless and give him the gift.

She looked at the white school. She felt so strange returning. The person she had been then compared to the person she was now was so different. She was immature then, cared about the wrong things, didn't try, but she also had love in her life.

Since then she had fought the grief in her heart and her soul, fought with her mind, understood her loneliness, understood her conflicts, made peace with everything she didn't have. Now she cared for little but tending to her farm. She figured if she could control the farm, she could get through school, and she owed it to herself to do it and get an education. It was a different game, but she could still learn the rules like she had with the farm.

As she looked at the school, she wondered if Billy would be proud of her for deciding to return. After all, he is the one who thought school was a must for women. And they had spent hours, weeks, months together, toiling over ledgers and farming manuals, learning to navigate a fragile camaraderie that had grown out of something more bitter and strained.

The last time everybody had seen her was her father's funeral. Not that they would remember her for that, she thought bitterly. They only remembered Gilbert.

With a deep breath, she pushed open the door and stepped inside. She was hit with a familiar smell of chalk dust and wood, mingled with the faint sound of students murmuring to one another. She smoothed down her dress, a new one that she had bought with the profits of the farm. She deserved it, something new. And she felt like exactly what she was in it, a changed, mature woman. No longer the little girl she left behind.

The room fell silent as they laid eyes on her and she felt the weight of their stares. Whispers followed quickly as she took off her hat and laid her basket down. She kept a neutral expression, careful not to feed into their delusions that she was a weak little girl. Is that Elizabeth Blythe? Has she really come back? Does that mean Gilbert is back?

She straightened her shoulders and forced herself to meet their gazes head on, her eyes immediately locking with Billy. She was scared, she didn't know what to say. He was seated near the back of the classroom. There was a brief silence as they decided how to navigate this, something unspoken between theme. Perhaps a flicker of friendship from the nights they had spent working together in the quiet of her home.