PAGES OF MY LIFE

Part 19: WE CAN'T GO BACK TO WHAT WE USED TO BE

Thandar stood by the edge of the swimming pool, her eyes locked on Evan's. Tears brimmed in her eyes, but she held them back, trying to stay strong. Evan looked at her, his own heart breaking as he listened to her words.

"Yes, that kiss made me think of you all day and night! Yes, it made my heart flutter!" Thandar cried, her voice trembling. "But Evan, I'm just your once upon a time, not your happily ever after."

Evan's breath hitched as her words cut through him like a knife. "Thandar, please don't say that. We can find our way back—"

"No, Evan," she interrupted, shaking her head, tears now spilling down her cheeks. "We cannot go back to what we used to be. Yes I can't unlove you because, in my untold story, you were once the man I cherished the most. But not in this universe anymore. Not now."

Evan stepped closer, desperate to reach her, but she took a step back. "Stop holding on, Evan. You're only hurting yourself. Please, be happy. I've already let you go!"

Thandar turned and walked away from the swimming pool, leaving Evan standing there, speechless and devastated. The sound of her footsteps echoed in his ears as she disappeared from his sight, taking his hopes and dreams with her.

As she left, Thandar tried to steady her breathing, her heart breaking all over again. "I know I have to let him go... again," she whispered to herself. "I didn't come back to the Philippines for this. I ruined him once; I can't ruin him again."

Meanwhile, the party slowly came to an end, but Evan remained rooted in place, lost in his thoughts. His mind raced, trying to make sense of everything.

"Am I the only one who's been waiting for her all this time?" Evan questioned himself, tears welling up in his eyes. "Life always felt like something was missing, and I thought it was her. Was I wrong?"

That night, Evan cried in his room, his heart heavy with the realization that the love he'd been holding onto might never come back to him.

The next morning, a new day brought with it the obligations of work. A company ad needed to be shot, and one of the chosen locations was Thandar's private vacation house. Evan tried to push the memories of the previous night out of his mind as he arrived at the shoot, but fate had other plans.

As he entered the vacation house, he saw her—Thandar. His heart skipped a beat. Without thinking, he followed her down the hallway, reaching out and grabbing her hand. "Thandar..."

She stopped but didn't turn around. She couldn't bring herself to face him, knowing how much it hurt to see him so broken.

"I can't stand the thought of losing you, Thandar," Evan's voice cracked with emotion. "Can't you just reconsider everything? I wish... I wish you could come back to me. Please."

Thandar squeezed her eyes shut, fighting back the tears that threatened to spill over. 

"Evan," she whispered, her voice shaky but firm, "I can't. I can't come back to you. We had our time, but that time has passed. I need you to understand that, no matter how much it hurts. You deserve someone who can love you without hesitation, without holding back... someone who isn't me."

Evan's tears began to flow freely, his grip on her hand tightening as if letting go would mean losing her forever. "But it's you I want, Thandar. It's always been you. How am I supposed to just let go?"

Thandar finally turned to face him, her own tears slipping down her cheeks. She reached up, gently brushing away a tear from his face, her touch tender but final. "You have to, Evan. Please, for both of us. We can't keep holding onto something that's no longer there."

The weight of her words pressed down on them both, and for a moment, they simply stood there, lost in the pain of what could never be. Then, from down the hall, a voice broke the silence.

"Thandar?" Evan's mother's voice was cold as she approached them, her gaze flicking between her son and the woman who had caused him so much heartache. "You're here again? Can you leave? Or... no, maybe you should just say goodbye without actually saying goodbye. Wouldn't that be easier?"

Thandar flinched at the sharpness in Evan's mother's tone, but she nodded. "I was just leaving," she said softly, her voice barely above a whisper.

She gave Evan one last, lingering look, her heart breaking all over again, before she turned and walked away, leaving him with his mother.

Evan watched her go, his heart shattering as the distance between them grew. His mother placed a hand on his shoulder, but the comfort it was meant to offer felt hollow. Evan could only stare after Thandar, knowing that this time, she might never come back.