SWIMMING IN CHAOS~THOMAS CECCON

9

"Bianca"

As I boarded the plane, I couldn't shake the strange feeling in my chest. I couldn't explain it, but it was a mix of nerves and embarrassment.

After my last fight with Thomas, I'd mentally prepared myself to act indifferent when I saw him with Isabella, and it wasn't difficult since I didn't approach them or have to face him. But now, I couldn't help but feel nervous knowing I'd have to sit next to him for two hours.

To be honest, I didn't know how to behave around him, and I was partly regretting my attitude the last time we talked.

Once inside, I saw Martina and Luca sitting together and that Lorenzo was seated with Isabella.

I made my way to my seat, almost at the back of the aircraft. After checking my luggage before boarding, I only had a bag with me, which I decided to store in the overhead compartments to be more comfortable.

As I was trying to store it, I felt hands on mine. It was Thomas, who was behind me, our bodies pressed together. Suddenly, a warmth rose to my cheeks, instantly making me blush.

"Wait, let me help you,"— when I heard his voice, a shiver ran down my spine. It had been weeks since I'd heard it, and in a way, I was glad to.

"Thanks, but it wasn't necessary,"— I said timidly, not knowing how to address him, not after the growing tension between us lately.

"Relax, it's no trouble at all,"— he said with that characteristic smile that used to make me the happiest person in the world.

As I sat by the window, I saw Martina give me a mischievous look that expressed both disbelief and surprise.

I just responded by subtly shrugging my shoulders so as not to draw anyone's attention.

Suddenly, I found myself watching Thomas as he stored his backpack after speaking with the coach, who was a few seats ahead.

While doing so, I saw how his shirt suddenly lifted, revealing his toned and muscular abdomen.

Suddenly, the warmth I had felt earlier returned to my body, but now in a completely different way, one I hadn't felt in a long time.

At that moment, I couldn't stop staring at him, to the point where he turned around and noticed my behavior. On his face, I could glimpse a surprised look.

After a while, Thomas was already seated beside me. Taking advantage of the fact that he was engrossed in his phone, I directed my gaze toward him. Scanning every inch of his face, I could once again verify his beauty.

Of all the men I had ever known, Thomas was clearly one of the most attractive. He also had an incredible personality and charisma.

At that moment, I remembered the last trips we had taken together, the most recent being to Japan. It was always the same, I'd take the window seat, and he had to settle for the aisle.

After about thirty minutes in silence, I heard his voice again— "How are you feeling?"— his question caught me by surprise, so without thinking, I responded— "Clearly not as well as you. I've seen how much fun you've been having with Isabella"— I regretted my words instantly, realizing how jealous and immature I sounded.

"I could say the same about you and Lorenzo. I'm not stupid, I've seen how you laughed at his jokes while he looked at you like an idiot. But deep down, I know you did it to avoid me."— he said arrogantly. He wasn't entirely wrong, but my pride didn't allow me to admit it.

"Says the one who didn't leave Isabella's side with the intention of making me jealous. Because, admit it, you don't like that girl, in fact, I'd dare say you can't stand her, but to annoy me, you'd do anything, wouldn't you?"— I said, looking him directly in the eyes.

"You're perfect, aren't you? You always do everything right, never make mistakes, but you always have to find them in others. Does that make you feel better? Because, in my opinion, it's pathetic."— after hearing those words, I didn't know how to react.

"Your feelings for Lorenzo are real, aren't they? Please, don't take me for a fool. That guy has always been in love with you, but you only see him as a friend. And if you think he only has friendship in mind, let me tell you that you're a damn fool."— he said bluntly.

"Who do you think you are to give me lessons? You have no right to comment on my relationship with Lorenzo."— I responded decisively.

"But you do have the right to criticize mine with Isabella. You're unbelievable, really. Maybe you should resolve your own issues before meddling in others', which, by the way, are none of your business"— I was stunned to hear those words.

I acknowledged that I had questioned his relationship with Isabella, but he constantly commented on Lorenzo and his behavior toward me.

"I think we should stop the conversation here, I don't want things to get worse, if that's even possible."— I said resignedly, not wanting to waste my time and efforts arguing with no concrete purpose.

"It's always the same with you, when you see I'm right, we have to end the conversation. I'm tired of you always wanting to be above me. You're not better than me, Bianca. I may have kissed Isabella, but we've both made mistakes in the last few months."— seeing that I didn't react, he continued— "Don't blame me for all your problems. I have my own, you know? Have I ever told you anything? Have I ever reproached you for anything?"— I didn't know what to say, in part, he was right, but I couldn't allow myself to always be the one to suffer.

"And I always try to get close to you, talk to you calmly, help you in any way I can, and you always react in a reluctant way. I care about you just as much as I did months ago, that hasn't changed, but you don't let me show it."— he said. After his words, I noticed his eyes, glassy and sad.

"You don't have to show me anything, especially since we're not together anymore. I don't need you to act like a puppy and be constantly concerned about me. I needed that months ago, not now."— I said, lowering my head, drained of energy.

"Great, Bianca. Very mature of you."— he said sarcastically. I decided not to respond and to end the dispute.

I turned toward the window and saw the sky, a light blue with darker hues in the distance and lined with clouds, one after another.

I couldn't help but notice how my tears were about to fall, so I decided to get up and go to the bathroom.

As I passed in front of Thomas, who had a serious and dejected expression, I suddenly stumbled. I felt him grab me by the waist to prevent my fall.

"Sorry"— I said before quickly heading to the restroom without looking him in the eye.

Could things get any worse?