SWIMMING IN CHAOS~THOMAS CECCON

10

"Bianca"

Locked in the small airplane bathroom, I felt frustrated. There was a knot in my chest that seemed to slowly take my breath away.

Part of me regretted my attitude a little while ago, but I couldn't help feeling angry seeing Thomas with Isabella.

Our relationship had ended, and until now, I believed it was the right decision at this moment. However, my love for him didn't seem to dissolve in the blink of an eye, as if it were nothing.

Pulling me out of my thoughts, I feel the handle of the door move. At first, I think it might be Thomas, but I dismiss that idea when I hear Martina's voice on the other side.

"Bianca, are you okay?"—my friend asks with a concerned tone.

"No"—I reply as tears roll down my face. Without a second thought, I move towards the door to unlock it and let my companion in.

The first thing she does upon entering is hug me. It's a strong and pure embrace, something I didn't know I needed so much.

"What happened?"—hearing her words, I don't know how to respond, so it takes me a few seconds—"Thomas, that's what happened."

"Did you two argue again? For a moment, I thought you were happy to have sat with him"—Martina says with a puzzled expression.

"It was my fault. He wanted to check on how I was, but I reproached him for his behavior this morning with Isabella"—I was fully aware that I had ruined the situation.

"Instead of spending two damn hours peacefully, I decided to mess up and ruin everything"—I say resignedly.

"This situation is overwhelming you more every day, Bianca. You two need to try to have a conversation like two adults without ending up arguing. Arguing only ends up hurting both of you"—Martina is absolutely right, but deep down, I know it will be very difficult to talk to him normally, not after what happened today.

Thomas was right; I behaved like a jealous child when he was just showing concern for me. It seems that when there's a chance to improve things, I only make them worse.

My friend hugs me again, showing empathy and compassion. At this moment, I'm grateful to have found her. Whenever I had a problem, she was the first to show up and make me feel better.

Suddenly, there are knocks on the door. A shiver runs down my spine when I hear Thomas's voice on the other side.

"Bianca, are you there?"—he asks with some concern. Martina looks at me, asking if she should open the door or not. Without the will to talk, I nod my head.

When she opens it, I see Thomas with a serious expression.

"Can you leave us alone for a moment, please?"—he asks my friend.

"Sure"—is the last thing she says before returning to her seat next to Luca. Thomas positions himself next to me and hugs me.

I didn't expect that gesture from him at all, but after a moment, I can't help but enjoy it. Once we separate, he speaks.

"I wanted to apologize for my words earlier. I should have said it differently"—he says with regret. Inevitably, I feel guilty for making him suffer like that. I realize that my attitude wasn't right.

"It's okay, it was my fault. You spoke to me kindly, and I just acted like a jealous idiot. I know you still care about me, just as I care about you"—I say as sincerely as possible.

"I know"—he looks at me with a sorrowful expression—"I don't want you to feel bad, and when I saw you crying earlier, I felt terrible. I just want you to know that I don't want to make you suffer, and I don't enjoy seeing you like this. And that thing I said about you always wanting to be the best in the relationship, I didn't mean it seriously. I was angry, I hope you understand that. I'm sorry, truly."—as he speaks, I notice the sincerity in his expression.

"I'm sorry too. I hope things can get better between us. After almost three years together, I think we both deserve a better ending"—I say, regretting everything that has happened lately.

After our conversation, complete silence reigns in the bathroom. In an instant, our eyes meet, and I can't help but feel a tingling sensation all over my body.

I get nervous looking at him, as if it were the first time I was doing so.

I see how he glances at my lips. At first, I'm surprised, but after a few seconds, I find myself looking at his.

The urge to kiss him consumes me from the inside. It's as if all the resentment and anger I had felt toward him just a few minutes ago evaporated and turned into nostalgia.

I missed his kisses, a lot. A few weeks ago, I couldn't have imagined being locked in an airplane bathroom with Thomas, just inches apart and with a burning desire to kiss him.

Suddenly, I feel him lean in towards me, grab my face, and press his lips against mine, intensely.

The kiss catches me by surprise because I didn't expect him to do it, but I quickly match his rhythm. Our lips moving in the same rhythm.

"Thomas"

Kissing Bianca wasn't part of my plans, especially not in a bathroom at ten thousand meters altitude.

At that moment, I let myself be carried away by the desire that had been troubling me for days. Despite not being together, I couldn't deny that I missed her.

Seeing her leave crying, I felt like absolute crap. Like the most miserable person on the planet.

I might be making a mistake because this only complicates and confuses the situation further, but I couldn't help it. I was really enjoying it.

Bianca's kisses felt different from Isabella's, more real and intimate. As I kissed her, I felt like the luckiest man in the world. Thinking about that, I regret all the mistakes I've made.

On the other hand, I feel that ending our relationship is the best thing for now, especially just two days before I start competing in the Olympics.

When we part, I feel her gaze fixed on mine, and I notice a shiver running down my spine. I don't know how to react.

Before I can say anything, I hear knocks on the door, and Isabella's voice breaks through.

"Is it occupied? I need to get in"—Oh God, I really don't feel like facing her now, especially not after the special moment I just shared with Bianca.

I look at her, and I see how her expression changes. Her face now shows surprise and hesitation.

What the hell do I do now?