I Will Hold Your Hand Gently

Chapter 34: Erratic Flame

A few Days Ago

"Did you know that the longer an Esper goes without guidance from a Guide, the worse their condition can become?" Rebecca said, resting her chin on her palm.

"...Another written test?" I inquired, raising an eyebrow.

Rebecca nodded, her eyes heavy with fatigue, "Signs that an Esper is about to enter a Berserk State include erratic behavior, slurred speech, fatigue, heightened arousal, and other symptoms. I had no idea they exhibited so many signs... It's as if they're walking illnesses that only affect themselves."

After I declined Rebecca's offer to be my personal maid, she decided to focus on learning more about Guides and Espers. She insisted that since she couldn't repay me through her maid service, she would do so by sharing her knowledge. I reassured her that repayment wasn't necessary, but she was determined to follow through. While I appreciated the information she provided, I didn't want her to feel obligated to do something she didn't enjoy.

"Rebecca, if it's too hard, you can always take a break or quit," I said with a smile, "Just enjoying your company as my friend is good enough as a repayment."

Rebecca shook her head, "It's not hard, and I want to do this."

I gave a sigh with a smile, "If you say so..."

Present Day

Erratic Behavior huh...

Zwei was often described as a calm and reserved individual, someone who rarely expressed his emotions due to his upbringing. However, when he was on the brink of entering a Berserk state, his vulnerability would emerge. Just like now, as he watched the carriage depart from the estate, his face reflected a deep longing and affection, an expression I had only read about in novels.

I wished I could change that expression into one of joy. After all the pain and suffering he had endured, Zwei truly deserved a happy ending. He remained there, waiting until the carriage was out of sight, standing silently beneath the bright moon that hung against the dark, twinkling sky.

"My lord," I spoke as softly as possible, "It's late, the night air isn't cold for your body."

Zwei's dull irises were a clear indication of the miasma building up within him. This toxic presence affected both his mind and physical state. Even when he took the suppressant, it only numbed the pain without addressing the root issue.

"...That person who left," Zwei said, his tone sharp, "Did you invite her here?"

"Yes," I replied.

His gaze narrowed, suspicion evident in his expression. It wasn't until Viola informed me that I couldn't leave the estate without a guard that I understood why the surveillance around me felt more intense than usual. Zwei likely believed I had received orders from the Spheral House that day. Denying it seemed futile, as I knew he wouldn't believe me regardless.

"Why? For what purpose?" he interrogated.

I offered him a small smile, "I'm happy to answer your question, but could we do so inside? It's quite chilly out here."

He stared at me in silence, weighing my request. Peter stepped forward, bowing slightly.

"I too urge you to rest inside, Your Grace," he said, concern evident in his voice.

Zwei glanced at Peter before nodding in agreement. I sighed in relief; I knew that if it were just me, he might not have consented to go back inside. I flashed Peter a grateful smile and followed behind Zwei as we headed indoors. We entered the dining room where the maids and servants served us warm beverages to warm up our cold bodies. I was given a blanket to wrap myself in as I took a sip of the warm tea made by Peter.