The Dangerous We Always Seek

|| Chapter Five ||

"I already called William to meet you at our venue."

I nodded as an answer. I gave her a smile before returning my attention to the forest we're passing.

I heard a sigh from her before holding my hand. I turned to looked at her. Amy gave me a pleading look. A look where It could change my mind and tell her why was I quite this evening. But it didn't work as I just stared at her, waiting for her to speak.

I don't want to talk with anyone at this moment, because I felt like my life have to end right now, for it had no meaning, for it had done nothing interesting.

I asked Amy to tell William to meet me at the venue, and not in the house anymore. I don't feel like facing him. I don't want him to see me in this state, looking weak.

Back in the house, when they told me the truth, I didn't cry my heart out. I didn't lost control of my emotions when my grandparents told me the truth, wait..they're not my grandparents anymore. But even though they're not in the first place, I was thankful they took care of me. But the pain and hurt I was feeling, overpowered the good side of me, being thankful.

I just sat there, staring at them. My face void of any emotions. I didn't blink, nor breathe. I sat still, not moving an inch.

I felt like my heart was grabbed, squezzed from within. But, I felt no pain from doing so. I clenched my fists, without knowing why. My lips quivered as my eyes burned from holding back the tears.

"Craeslilale, dear..." I stood up before Grandma could reached me for a hug. I smiled at them, "I'll be upstairs."

A walk upstairs, was like walking towards where Hell is. I was like a walking zombie, risen from the dead. It's a good thing they let me pass, for now, knowing I wouldn't talk.

My mind was racing, thinking about..the possibilities if my parents were alive, and not dead. Would we be a happy family? What were they like? Were they a loving couple, like Grandma and Grandpa?

But even though with that being said, I felt..empty. All these happy memories from when I was a child, didn't made me a proud teenager today. I felt like, there were still a missing puzzles in my life that I needed to solve. But, the question is, where should I start? No, the question would be, Is there even a missing puzzle in my life?

Why must I feel depression? Why does everybody need to feel the pain of a loss? I don't understand what I'm feeling right now.

Am I sad? Am I in rage? Why do I seem so calm, like I'm locking all of my emotions away?

I stopped at the door, only to stare at my bare feet. My shoes..I left it downstairs. I chuckled lightly of what I thought. I'm going insane.

I looked down at my dress, which flowed perfectly with my height. It's just the way how I imagine it to be, like how I wanted my dress to be.

I raised my hand and put it in my chest. I closed my hand into a fist as I listened on what's happening inside of my very own soul.

Full of chaos and drama. I snorted unladylike, "I knew it."

I opened my eyes to be met by a pair of orbs that was watching me intently. "Oh, you young lady! Look at what happened to your make up? It's smeared!" I touched my face, only to frown. Have I been crying? Why haven't I noticed it?

My tears...they were flowing. They were very much alive to set rivers in my eyes.

"Lale!" Amy grabbed my hand to make me sit as they reapplied make up in my face. I'm not even wearing that much. Why was I here again? Oh, I wanted to change into my pajamas. But as I looked around, I found Jamie watching a movie with my curtains closed like how I left it, when they forced me to sit. They reapplied makeup on my face while they bombarded me with questions without getting answers from me.