Your Fault

Chapter 3 Noah

Almost all the guests were gone. Jenna was saying hi to my mom, and Nick was in the back smoking a cigarette with Lion. I looked around at the disorder left behind after the party and was thankful for the first time that we had someone who came every day to clean our house.
After so long socializing, I was happy for that moment alone to appreciate the good fortune I had. The party had been incredible: all my friends had been there and had bought me amazing gifts that were now piled on a table in the dining room. I was about to take them to my room when I felt arms wrap around my waist.
“You got a ton of presents,” Nick whispered in my ear.
“Yeah, but none of them can compare with yours,” I said, turning around to look at him. “It’s the prettiest gift I’ve ever gotten, and it means so much, coming from you.”
“Will you always wear it?” he asked me. A part of me realized that was important to him: he’d put his heart into that necklace. A warmth radiated from the middle of my chest.
“Always.”
He smiled and pulled me close. His lips grazed mine sweetly, almost too sweetly. I tried to step forward and kiss him more deeply, but he stopped me in my tracks.
“Want more?” he asked. Why wouldn’t he kiss me for real? I opened my eyes and saw those bright blue irises that gave me shivers.
“You know I do,” I responded, breathing fast, my nerves on edge.
“Then come with me tonight.”
I sighed. I wanted to go, but I couldn’t. To start with, my mother didn’t care at all for me going to stay with Nick. When I did it, I usually pretended I was spending the night with Jenna. Beyond that, I had to study. I had four finals coming up, and if I failed them, I’d be putting too much at risk.
“I can’t,” I said.
He stroked my back softly, so softly that it made my hair stand on end.
“You can, and if you do, we’ll pick up where we left off outside.” He brought his lips close to my ear.
I felt butterflies in my stomach and desire growing inside me. His tongue slid across my left earlobe, and then his teeth sank into it… I wanted to go… But I couldn’t. I had missed the way he looked at me, that body of his that intimidated me while at the same time offering me a limitless feeling of safety.
“I’ll see you, Nick,” I said, taking a step back.
Irritated but amused, he asked, “You know if you don’t come, you won’t get laid again until after you graduate, right?”
That was a low blow, but it was true. I barely had any time, definitely not enough to go into town and see him, and if he wouldn’t come here either, because he was worried about running into his dad… “We could go to the movies,” I stammered.
Nick cracked up. “Sure, just as you say, Freckles,” he agreed, pressing his lips chastely to my forehead. I could sense the irony in it. “I’ll see you in two days. To go to the movies. And whatever comes afterward.”
I wanted to grab him, to beg him to stay with me, to tell him I needed him because only with him would my nightmares go away, but I knew there was nothing I could say that would make him spend another second between those walls.
I watched him go downstairs with a casual attitude, get into his Range Rover, and drive off without a second thought.

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The next two days, I barely even went out for fresh air. I had to cram so much information into my head that I thought my brain would explode.
Jenna kept calling me to complain about our teachers, her boyfriend, and life in general. She always freaked out when exams were coming up, and to make things worse, she was in charge of the graduation party, and I knew it was making her crazy that she couldn’t devote all the time she wanted to it.
That night, I was supposed to see Nick to go to the movies, but I was terrified of my Friday exam, the last one I had. I wanted to see him more than anything in the world, but I knew he’d throw off my concentration.
Just having him around made me flustered, and if we did hang out, there was no way I would manage to study afterward. I needed to call and tell him, even if he might get mad. We hadn’t seen each other since my birthday, and even when we spoke on the phone, I was pretty out of it.
I decided to text him. I didn’t want his voice to distract me, I didn’t want an argument, so I just hit send, put my phone on silent, and tried to forget him for twenty-four hours. When exams were over, I’d do whatever he wanted, but right now, everything was on the line, and I was determined to get the best grade possible.
Two hours later, I was still in my room looking like a madwoman, my hair undone, on the verge of tears or maybe murder. Just then my door opened almost soundlessly.
Shit! He’d gotten dressed up to take me out. I smiled awkwardly and put on my most innocent face possible. “You look handsome.”
Nick raised an eyebrow in a way that made it impossible for me to guess what was going through his head as he came over to my bed.
“You stood me up,” he said calmly, and I didn’t know if he was reproaching me or still trying to figure out what was up.
“Nick…” I said, feeling guilty and afraid of how he would react.
“Come here,” he said gently. His expression was strange, as if he were thinking about something. I was surprised he hadn’t just laid into me.
I wanted to kiss him. I always wanted to kiss him. If I had it my way, I’d spend every minute of every day in his arms. I got up on my knees and crawled to the edge of the bed, where he was waiting for me.
“I think that’s the first time in my life a girl’s stood me up, Freckles.”
He wrapped his hands around my waist. “I’m not sure what to make of it.”
“I’m sorry,” I stammered. “I’m losing it, Nick. I’m worried I’m gonna fail. I don’t know anything, and if I don’t pass, I won’t graduate, they’ll revoke my college admission, and I won’t get the job I want. I’ll end up just being some idiot living with my mom.”
His lips hushed me with a quick kiss. “You’re the hardest worker I know. You’re not going to fail.”
“I am, though, Nick. I’m being serious. I think I might even get a zero.
A zero, can you imagine? Mr. Lam won’t have mercy on me, and I used to be his favorite. I had the best grades in the whole class…” From his face, I could tell he thought I was starting to go off the deep end. Okay, maybe so, but still… He grinned.
“You want help relaxing?”
Please, God, don’t look at me like that…not now, when you’re so handsome in that shirt and I look like a wreck.
“I am relaxed,” I lied.
“You want me to help you study, then?” His hand pushed aside a lock of hair from my face, and I sighed at the tenderness of that gesture.
Nicholas helping me study? There was no way that would end well.
“No need,” I murmured. I was scared that if he stayed there, we’d do everything but look over my notes for chapter eight from history class. Nick was hot, but I couldn’t risk an F.
He smirked in that seductive way of his and took a step back, rolling up his sleeves, taking off his shoes, and walking around the bed to sit down as he picked up my book.
I felt tingly as I imagined us in that same bed, doing all sorts of things that weren’t studying. Nick started turning the pages until he reached the section I had marked a few minutes before.
I forgot everything, my tests, college, all of it. I just wanted to sit on his lap and run the tip of my tongue across his jawline.
I edged over, and he looked up, shaking his head.
“Be still,” he joked. “We’re going to study, Freckles, and when you’ve got it all down pat, maybe I’ll give you a kiss.”
“Just one?”
He laughed and looked at my notes. “Let’s get started, and if we make it to the end, I promise I’ll make sure all that stress goes away.”
He said that as cool as a cucumber, but I was as anxious as I could be.