Your Fault

Chapter 27 Nick

I couldn’t get those words Nicholas’s mother had uttered out of my head.
Her threat frightened me, but I didn’t want to keep going down a road that I wasn’t certain I could travel on my own. I felt guilty for tearing up the letter. I had no right to do it, it wasn’t mine, but I didn’t want that woman hurting Nick again. What had Nick said that morning when the painters were there? That he wanted to protect me? Well, that’s what I was doing for him, too.
Nicholas was my medicine, my distraction, my safe space. I turned around to face him, thankful the tub was big enough to do so, when he asked, “Where do you want to do it, in the bath or in bed?” He had a dark look in his eyes. I could tell he needed me, especially after delving into his past. I needed him, too, because if I kept hammering away at that issue, I’d uncover truths better left buried…at least for now.
I sat in his lap, and our mouths joined soothingly. We needed each other just then. The day had been intense for both of us, even if in completely different ways.
With his hands on my back, he bent over me and venerated my mouth.
My hands climbed his shoulders and touched his rugged cheeks, damp from the water. His fragrance overwhelmed me and warmed me from inside.
“You’re so beautiful,” he said. His mouth left my lips and followed my jawline, nibbling until he reached my neck. My hands felt his chest, his abs, and he pulled me into his torso, skin to skin, without an inch between us.
“You’re so warm, so soft,” he kept repeating as his tongue tasted my naked wet skin.
I let out a gasp as I felt his hands move up and down my back, and he tipped me backward, resting his mouth on my left breast, tasting me, while I hungered for his caresses. I sat up and pressed into his hips. He sought my mouth with his, and our tongues toyed with each other as if in a dance… “Look at me,” he said, and when I opened my eyes, I saw his were fixed on my face. They were the same blue I was used to, but something was different, something hard to express in words. “I love you, and I’ll love you for the rest of my life,” he declared, and I felt my heart stop, then race again. He lifted me slowly with his arm around my waist and lowered me on top of him, with a gentleness almost as moving as his words. When he penetrated me, I opened my mouth to let out a cry, but his lips silenced me with a deep kiss.
“Can you feel it? Can you feel the connection? We’re made for each other, babe,” he whispered in my ear as he moved gently, in a slow rhythm that drove me crazy. His words continued in my head as he pleasured me the way only he knew how. And only he ever would.
I love you, and I’ll love you for the rest of my life.
“Promise me,” I said as a horrible fear gripped me, body and soul, a fear of losing him, a fear of not having what I was experiencing just then for the rest of my life.
His eyes were shadowed with desire, and they looked at me, confused.
“Promise me you’ll love me always, promise me,” I almost begged him.
Without answering, he got out of the tub, carrying me, his hands firmly gripping my thighs. I wrapped my arms around him and buried my face in the hollow of his neck, biting my lower lip to keep from screaming as I felt him so deep inside me while he carried me to the bedroom. Both of us were dripping wet. He laid me down on the bed without pulling away.
“What’s the point in promising?” he asked as our breathing synced up.
I was about to explode, and he knew it; his hands fed every part of my body that needed his touch. “You’ve got me under your spell… I’m more yours than I am my own. I’ll do whatever you ask, whatever you want. I promise, babe.”
And with his words and his body glued to mine, I stopped feeling so cold.

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The next few days were amazing: sharing all those moments with his sister, moments we could never have experienced at a distance, with the few hours he was normally permitted to see her. For Nick’s birthday, we went to Disneyland, and even if it was a place for kids and we spent the day just chasing Maddie around, I loved seeing Mickey and his gang sing Nick “Happy Birthday.” A year before, around that time, we had just started going out, and if anyone had told me then I’d be seeing him with a pair of mouse ears on, eating a cake shaped like a Disney princess, I’d have told them they were out of their mind.
The time passed quickly, and soon it was time to take her back to the airport. The stewardess who said she’d look after her until she made it to Vegas was waiting for us next to security. After those days together, the goodbye was harder than we had imagined.
“You okay?” I asked Nick as we went back out to the car. He was holding my hand, squeezing it so tightly, it was almost painful.
“I will be,” he said.
I didn’t want to press him because I knew Nick didn’t like to talk much, especially when it was about his feelings. His sister was his weak point, and knowing she was leaving to stay with parents who barely even had time for her didn’t help matters. It wasn’t until he’d been driving for ten minutes that he spoke to me again.
“Should I drop you off at home?”
An alarm started going off inside me. Jenna had called me the day before, while Nick was giving Maddie a bath, to tell me she had found out the races would be on Monday. I didn’t want to believe her then, but if it was true, then Nick wouldn’t want me around. I almost said no, that I’d stay at his place, but I couldn’t do that to my mother; she was mad enough as it was. Plus, I needed to finish packing my bags. School would start in five days. I needed to talk to Mom, even if what I really wanted to do was tell her after I’d already moved in with Nick and there was no turning back. It was risky, but it would be easier to ask for forgiveness rather than permission.
“Yeah, home’s good,” I said, looking out the window, trying to decide what to do about the races. When we got to the house and he parked in the driveway, I assumed he would get out, at least to say hi to his dad, but he didn’t even cut the engine. Still stranger, he asked, “Should we have dinner tomorrow?”
Surprised, I said, “What?”
He smiled, but his eyes looked preoccupied.
“You and me…we can go somewhere nice… What do you think?” He reached out and stroked my hair as he proposed it. I hadn’t seen that coming. Maybe Jenna was wrong about the races.
“Will you pick me up?”
He looked toward the house. “I don’t think I can, I’ve got work all day… It would be best if we just meet there. I’ll text you the details.”
There wasn’t a trace of hesitation on his face. Maybe he was being sincere? Jenna could be wrong about all that. I smiled. I hated doubting Nick. He wouldn’t lie to me. He wouldn’t go to the races, not without telling me, especially after all that had happened.
“Cool, I’ll see you there, then,” I said, resting a hand on the door.
“Hey!” he said before I got out. “Thanks for being with me these days.
It wouldn’t have been the same without you.”
I touched his cheek, leaned in, and kissed him. As his face pushed into mine, I prayed he wasn’t lying to me.