Houses of the Holy

The Real World

TW: Panic/anxiety attack, negative self talk, swearing, mentions of alcohol.

Letters I've written

Never meaning to send

Beauty I'd always missed

With these eyes before

Just what the truth is

I can't say anymore - The Moody Blue, Nights In White Satin

Regulus

Regulus feels guilty. Its horrible. Why on earth would someone create this emotion? He sighs, grabbing his book bag off his bed, and trying to ignore the hangover that is currently squeezing his brain. He thinks about the look on James's face last night, the crumbling mask. It hadn't felt how he expected, no sudden rush of glee at seeing the other boy's facade break. No, it was something else, something sort of sad. Regulus almost wanted to apologise on the spot, make it go away. He couldn't stand the panic either, the way the James's emotions were ever so briefly written all across his gentle features. So, Regulus got mean. That didn't help. That made it worse. 

He doesn't like that.

He sighs, walking into the great hall, wincing at the sounds of students talking and laughing. Sirius beckons him over to the Gryffindor table, and Regulus reluctantly follows. All the 5th years seem to been nursing their own hangovers, James has his head on the table, and Remus is eating an entire tray of scrambled eggs. Sirius is weakly sipping tea and leaning his head on Remus's shoulder.

Regulus sits down beside Sirius, opposite James. The other boy looks up briefly, but only long enough to greet Regulus.

"Morning." Regulus says, a bit of a smirk in his tone, "Good night?"

Peter makes a gagging sound, and everyone else winces, "'m sorry, feel sick." He stands and almost runs from the hall. Sirius snickers, and gets hit on the arm by Remus.

"Owwww Moony that hurt." He whines, and Remus huffs, holding up a forkful of his own breakfast for Sirius, who takes it as a form of apology.

Regulus takes some toast for himself. "Alright Potter?"

James hasn't moved much from the table, and he sighs a bit, "yeah, 'm fine, thanks."

Regulus frowns an odd sense of worry settling in his stomach.

He huffs,"I- I'm sorry, for being a twat last night." he says, quietly.

James's head snaps up, "You're what?"

"I'm- Potter you know what I said, don't be a git!" He grumbles.

James smiles a bit, "Hear that Padfoot? Baby Black said he's sorry."

Sirius laughs, and Regulus scowls. "I take it back."

"Aw, you already said it! No take backsies!" James says cheekily, in a completely different mood now.

"That's not even a word."

"Is too, I made it up!"

Regulus rolls his eyes. "Whatever."

He still feels a bit bad though, even if Sirius and the other's haven't noticed, James is a bit quieter today, a little less sure of himself, his usual blinding brightness a little dimmed.

And its Regulus's fault.

***

Whoa, set me up with the spirit in the sky (spirit in the sky)