KURISANI
The drive is a quiet and tense one. For different reasons, of course. Tirhani is obviously worried about the king, so am I. I'm actually praying that this is a mini health scare and he will join us for breakfast either tomoror the day after. I don't want to thunk of the worst case scenario, my mind doesn't want to go there because that would mean a lot of changes, immediate changes at that and with this recent discovery that I've made about myself and whatever is happening in my womb. I'm really praying that the king lives long, long enough for me to get my life in order because this is not how it should be going, at all.
The one thing I'm greatful for is that Tirhani is too distracted to notice that there is something off with me, he hasn't asked and I've avoided conversations with him. After he found me in my bedroom, I asked for a few minutes to pack. I knew that that I wasn't going to be able to discard the used tests so I took that plastic and stashed in way deep in my closet, I hid them well... It's only a pity I cannot hide a whole human being.
It's dark, silent in the car and my brain has just had about enough of this crazy thinking I've been doing. I've never been one to dwell on how something has happened. I was shocked at first, I still am but I can't live in a world of shock forever, I need a plan and I know only have two options with how I want to handle this and both of them aren't a simple walk in the park.
The easiest thing to do would be to book an appointment and end this before it goes far the proceed to leave my life like it never happened. This would be my own secret, it's a good thing that Musa didn't answer because then it gives me more allowance to take care of this silently.
But do I want to? Do I really want do away with this or it's the fear of having everything come out? If it were a man, no one would be calling him out, no one would call him a whore or all those words, everyone would be understanding and even go as far as welcoming the woman who is carrying his child and as the wife I'd have to grind my teeth, smile and welcome this baby for all three of us to raise.
If it were a man, he wouldn't even think of termination because that's his blood, his own child.
So why should I?
I'm not oblivious to the fact that this will cost me almost everything including my marriage. I'll be dragged and judged and called all these demeaning names under the sun and of course my own parents will disown me. I'll also likely be banished from both royal families. With no sense of belonging and I'll forever have to carry this shame... It would all be a big price to pay for choosing to keep my baby.
I won't lie and say I'm not conflicted because I am. I'm torn between becoming the mother I never had, even if I have to do it alone and keeping my image clean and intact. But whatever choice it is that I'm going to make, I know I don't have time to waste.
I steal a glimpse of Tirhani as he drives, the light coming from the outside is what's highlighting a bit of his face and he is concertrating on the road as we start off at the hospital where his father is and when we arrive, we find his mother, uncle Rony and hahani Fanisa in the waiting area.
His mother is the first to get up when she sees him and they embrace each other while I greet the others.
"Makoti, mi pfukile? (are you well?)" hahani Fanisa asks.
"Hi pfukile, minjhani?" (We are well and you?) "
" Ey, under the circumstances, there's not much to say or I would be lying, " She says sadly and I feel for her. I can inky imagine how torn I would be emif it were my brother in there, I wouldn't even be able to stand.
" Let's hope that everything is going to be fine, the King is a strong man, "
" Unfortunately even the strong run out of strength in this race," uncle Rony says and earns a glare from his sister to which he shrugs and asks "What?"
