we meet again? | B.E

five

a/n im bored so evies family is gonna speak french because i know a little, im using google translate so sorry if theres any errors, also, not a heavy chapter but there are mentions of sh and eating disorders.

"okay guys, izzy wont stop blowing up my fucking phone asking about you, we should probably go." noah frowned. i nod, then look at dani and make sure she gets my message.

don't tell anyone the full story.

it's not that i wanted to hide it, i just don't want to answer questions for at least another day. and knowing izzy, she was gonna ask way too many.

she nodded, and billie and i stood up to walk the two of them to the door. i hugged noah and slapped his head, then hugged dani and we kissed each other on the cheek.

"take care of yourself, okay? don't push her away." she said, holding my arms. i nodded, she smiled at me and billie, then waved. "love you, bye, eve!" she yelled, "love you!" noah screamed from the car. i laughed, "love you guys too!".

billie then closed the door, and i let out a little sigh. at least i wasn't alone now. "evie, it's 6, we should eat something." billie said, i nodded and sat down on the couch.

"what do you wanna eat?" she asked, sitting beside me and moving the loose hair out of my face. i shrugged. she thought for a moment, then smiled.

"do you want spaghetti?" she asked. "okay" i smiled, "c'mon, you're gonna help me." she said, grabbing my arm and pulling me gently.

"wait, you eat gluten now?" i asked, she nodded. "i don't know why i didn't before, i fucking love bread" she smiled, and i laughed.

"bil, are you sure you wanna help? you've been taking care of me this whole time. i can cook just fine" i said, "i wanna help though" she whined.

"okay, okay" i smiled. preheating the the stove. "i'll boil it and you make the sauce?" i asked, she sent me a thumbs up, "it's over there" i said, pointing to the cupboard. she nodded and i turned back around to grab a pot and fill it with water, then put it on the stove.

i sat at the island while waiting for the water to bubble up. i watched billie do whatever she was doing, but she looked so cute. then i froze, all of my old feelings were coming back.

i want her so bad-

this is not okay. i sighed and rubbed my temples. now is not a good time, especially with the circumstances that we're in. i was about to kill myself by accident and she found me, i can't just start fucking flirting with her, let alone date her.

what am i going to do?

i groaned, and then realized that she was stood right in front of me, staring. "whatcha thinkin' about?" she asked. i paused, "nothing." i mumbled, giving her a small smile.

i got up to get the noodles, without missing the 'yeah right' kind of look she'd given me. while i was turned around, i took a deep breath and rubbed my face. i put the noodles in the pot, and took back my spot at the island.

i heard the front door open, "evie!" a voice yelled, it wasn't billie, because she was beside me staring into my soul. she really needs to stop looking at me like that.

i got up, and saw that it was my mom carrying two plastic bags. "mama!" i smiled, she put the bags down gently, and gave me the tightest hug ever. "i missed you, my love" she grinned, petting my hair. "i missed you too" i mumbled.

i heard a chair screech from the kitchen, and my mom looked up, before she began walking fully into the house. i followed her in and she sat at the island, petting turtle gently."evie, qui est-ce?" she asked.

("evie, who's this?")

"mama, c'est billie" ("mama, it's billie") i said, sitting beside her. her jaw dropped for a brief moment, before she squealed. billie was watching the two of us with a soft smile.

my mom flew out of her chair and squeezed billie tight, "it's been a while, my dear! how are you?" my mom questioned, "i've been okay" billie replied. mom nodded, sneaking a glance at me and wiggling her eyebrows. i rolled my eyes exaggeratedly and she giggled, moving back beside me.

"we just made pasta, mama, do you want some?" i asked, standing up and getting out the bowls. "what kind?" she questioned, "just regular spaghetti" i replied, she thought for a moment, "sure," she beamed.

i dished out three bowls, feeling both pairs of eyes on me. just as i'd finished, they'd decided to start a conversation, one that i decided not to join.

i think it was probably about billie's music, but i was to busy fighting the urge to have a breakdown to really notice.

why did i feel this way? i have friends that care about me, my mom's here and i haven't seen her in like a month. bad, i know. my best friend is back, but with her comes all of those feelings.

even though she's been with me for like two days, they've just hit me now, and i can't even cry because i know that she won't leave me alone in the bathroom for more than two minutes. i hate this. i love her, but i hate this.

not love her like that, just as a friend. yeah.

i finished eating my pasta, and stood up to put all three bowls in the sink. feeling emotions made me want to throw up, not because i wanna starve myself, it just made me sick. i haven't felt anything but anger in months, and now i feel anything but anger.

billie stood up and went in between my mom and i, laying her hand on the curve of my back. i could feel goosebumps begin to raise on my arms from under my hoodie. "i'm gonna take the dogs for a walk, are you two okay for like an hour?" she asked, i nodded, not looking anywhere but the placemat in front of me.

she rubbed her hand up and down my back while she said her goodbyes to my mom. i sighed and stood up, mumbling a small 'bye' as i made my way past them and upstairs, getting into my bed and letting the blankets drown me.

i sat there thinking for a little, my mind felt like a tornado, everything was everywhere all at once, not one moment of peace.

i could feel the cold air hit me as the blankets rose up and my mom slid into my bed behind me, wrapping her arms around me.

she turned me around so that i was facing her. "why are you crying, my love?" she asked, gently wiping my cheeks. i didn't know i was crying. i sighed. "tell me everything, i know you two weren't talking, and now i'm confused" she said. and i did, i told her everything that happened at coachella and after that, but without the explicit details of the events in the bathroom. did she know about my struggles with self harm? yeah, but that doesn't mean i need to tell her every detail about it, just that i was cutting myself.

she rubbed my back gently and held me close to her, comforting me. i could feel my eyes beginning to close, like they always do whenever she holds me. "you can sleep, evie. i love you" she said, kissing my head.

"i love you too"