we meet again? | B.E

thirteen

as theo and i walked inside, i hoped that it hadn't been obvious that i was just bawling my eyes out. as much as i don't want to hurt billie, it had to be done. if i do it now she'll be fine in the long run, but if she ends up like me it'll fuck her up forever.

i saw that they'd brought in the groceries on the counter, i put them away as slowly as i could. i felt a light tap on my shoulder, and i turned around to see violet with a concerned look on her face.

"what's wrong?" she asked, i shrugged. "should we go upstairs and talk?" she questioned, i nodded. she grabbed my hand and we went up together, i kept my head down to avoid the questioning look that i could feel billie giving me.

we made our way into billie and i's room, and i sat on the bed against the headboard, violet following suit. "tell me everything" violet said, rubbing her thumb against the back of my hand comfortingly.

i began to explain what was going on from the start, all the way to where we were now. "how is you loving her a bad thing?" violet asked me, i felt tears prickling my eyes again. i didn't bother to try and hide them.

"i don't want to ruin her, she's so full of life and i'm...not" i mumbled. she pulled me to her in a hug and i rested my head on her shoulder, crying. "you won't ruin her, if anything, i'd say you make her better" she said, rubbing my back.

"but what if she doesn't love me, vi?" i questioned, "i doubt that" she told me, kissing the top of my head. "i don't think that you leaving her will be good, for either of you." she said, "i'm stressing her out, i have to" i sobbed. "no, eve. did she tell you that?"

i shook my head, "then don't assume. you shutting her out will make things worse, you guys are fine right now. don't ruin what you two have" she said, "now i better get downstairs before ezra starts screaming, you coming?" she giggled, i shook my head.

violet sighed, pulling away from me. "take care of yourself, and take care of billie, okay?" she smiled, kissing my cheek and disappearing out the door. ezra came in a second later to say a lengthy goodbye. i'd heard the front door open and close, signifying that they'd left.

billie came in a moment later, concern and confusion lacing her beautiful features. i gulped, struggling not to scream the words 'i love you' at her. that would make this a lot worse. "what's wrong, baby? talk to me" she said, sitting beside me and pulling me closer to her.

yesterday and in the previous weeks, we'd had such amazing days, and i was about to fuck it all up. but it needed to be done.

i took in a shaky breath, "i don't wanna go out for dinner later" i said, "that's fine, we don't have to" she smiled gently. that little smile tugged at my heart.

"you should go home" i mumbled, fighting the onslaught of sobs bubbling up. she frowned, "what? why? did i do something? i'm sorry-"

"it's not you, but you need to go. please" i muttered, my throat beginning to close. her confusion grew into anger. she got up from the bed slowly. "evren. i say this with all of the care for you in my heart. i am so sick of your bullshit. i'm trying to help you! can't you see that? i want to help you!" she yelled.

i shook my head, "i don't wanna hurt you, please, go" i frowned. "this is hurting me!" she exclaimed, she yelled at me more but i couldn't hear any of it. she began making her way downstairs, still yelling at me, but i think she was crying now. i know that i was.

she was at the door, with her shoes on, shark in hand, crying. "i don't want you to turn out like me, i'm stressing you out, it's gonna mess you up!" i yelled back, she shook her head.

"evie, you are so beyond blind. i love you, what do i need to do for you to see that?" her voice cracked and she sighed defeatedly. she loves me? no way. she can't. she has to be lying, right?

i stared at her, shaking my head ever so slowly. i couldn't look at her, so i looked everywhere else. at the the cracks between the wooden floors, the lint on the carpet, even shark.

the next thing i knew, she was gone and the door was closed. i locked the door and sat against it, probably on the verge of a panic attack.

i sat there until it was dark out, and the hard floor began to hurt. i moved into my bed and laid there all night, without a wink of sleep. my mind was swirling, everything was everywhere and the only way i'd been able to tell how long i'd been there was when it got dark out. my phone died hours ago, and the only thing that i could think about were the words i love you leaving billies lips.

i'm so angry with myself, how could i do that to her? i was so lost in my thoughts that i didn't even realize that i'd thrown everything everywhere.

the doorbell rang. i opened it, and there stood billie with bags under her eyes and her face red and blotchy. "i uh... came to get the rest of my stuff." she studied my face but didn't say anything more. i moved aside wordlessly and made my way back upstairs.

she came inside of the room, examining everything. the picture frames thrown askew, the clothes and pillows littering the floor, the bedsheets half dragged off the bed. the only thing that stay untouched was her things in the corner. she then stared at me laying in my bed.

i heard her sigh and she began cleaning everything up. i tried to tell her to stop, and to leave it, but it was no use. my voice was raw and scratchy, probably from yelling and screaming. whatever she could make of the nonsense that had come out of my mouth, she ignored and continued.

she then grabbed her belongings and left the room, then left the house.