Chapter 10

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Catherine's POV

I couldn't sleep.

I tried but I couldn't.

After endless hours of useless social media scrolling I turned towards my digital clock and groaned into my pillow.

Why can't I sleep?

My phone pinged with a text and suddenly my mood was ten times more worse.

Louis: Stop ignoring me.

I blew out a frustrated breath.

Me: I'm not. You're just acting like a bitch.

Her respond came into swiftly.

Louis: Yeah sorry divorce does that. You wouldn't know that cause you haven't been in a relationship.

I roll my eyes. Tough blow. She was mad or on her fucking period.

Me: At least I'm not the one making a bitching scene.

Louis: Me? Of course the girl is always to blame. Can't believe you believe Miles

Me: I do. Because at least he has Noah with him after you dumped him at Mom's.

She didn't text back for a few minutes and my heart hurt at the guilt but her reply was fucking that away fast.

Louis: I didn't have time for him. He was crying and I was busy packing. Mom can handle a toddler just fine.

Me: Noah is your son. Miles is your husband.

Louis: Judge me all you want. You don't even know the story

Me: Then tell me!

Louis: I'm not happy. I don't want to be in a relationship anymore where he doesn't value me.

I rested on my elbows staring in disbelief.

Me: Are you crazy? The reason you moved to London and are away from Dad's wrath is because of Miles. He saved you.

Louis: Dad was never a problem, Catherine. Miles couldn't understand that either. He thinks Dad's a devil.

Me: Dad is.

Louis: That's why you don't have a life. You're not grateful. You were the reason Mom and Dad divorced and the reason we all are unhappy.

I chucked my phone to the other side of the room and gripped my hair holding in a cry. Thank god for no fucking roommates because the one I had was apparently on emergency leave.

Tears spilled down my face at the blame. It was constant and perpetually and persistent and it deeply cut me every single time.

Louis never blamed me until now. Until Miles and her had a disagreement and for some reason I was the reason. I don't get to breathe peace cause I'm full of shit apparently.

I rubbed my eyes sniffling.

What the fuck was wrong with me? Two divorces? You're fucked up, Catherine. You're fucked up.

I wiped my eyes harder hugging myself. I somehow was always the reason for the bad.

Just my existence was enough to shake people's spirits. I've dealt with this pattern. First my mother constantly reminding me that I was supposed to be a boy. That Louis was the only expected girl and I was supposed to be the man of the house.

My dad going on and on about his disappointment in me. Nothing I could do could make him happier. He busted hated and soon my efforts died down and that just made it all easier. I decided to be the disappointment. I was a weak person and I hated the years he controlled my life. Censored phones, censored friends, no going out, studying till I would faint, getting excess amounts of body shame, food portions cut, verbal abuse by the hour, physical abuse my the night, and being locked in rooms were just the preview of what happened.

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