My Father's Only Rule {DRACO MALFOY X SNAPE'S DAUGHTER}

Chapter Twenty: Lamenting At The Grave

December 1997 - Diggory Family Plot, St. Ottery Catchpole, Devon

Winter break had been a much-needed break. But even so, my troubles stayed in the back of my mind. And they only got worse as I thought about that film. Especially one I hadn't thought about in a long time. And of course, I realized I couldn't take it anymore at the most convenient time. Jane and I were lying in our beds. I wasn't sure if she was awake.

"Jane," I said. She didn't say anything. "Jane." Still nothing. I didn't care if she was asleep. "Jane!"

"What?" she groaned.

"Have you been awake this whole time?" I asked. "Ignoring me?"

"Well, I've been trying to sleep," she said. "It's midnight. What do you want?"

"I wanna see Cedric," I said.

"Grace," she said. "In case you missed it, Cedric died."

"I want to go to his grave," I said. "I never told him."

"Told him what?"

"I never told him that I cheated on him. I need to tell him. It's something Rose would do."

"What?"

"Rose," I said. "From Titanic. If she could go to Jack's grave and talk to him, she totally would."

"That's different, Grace," Jane said. "Jack and Rose were together and in love when Jack died. You and Cedric were broken up and friends. And you're engaged to someone else. It's not the same."

"Jane, I just have to."

"Ugh. Ok, we can go tomorrow."

"No," I protested. "It can't wait. I need to go now." She sat up in her bed and stared at me.

"It's midnight."

"It can't wait," I said, getting out of bed. "I'm going. You can come with me or not." She rolled her eyes and rolled out of bed. "You don't have to come."

"No. I do," she said. "It's like a rule of being a best friend. I have to follow you when you do dumb shit."

We left the Baldwins a note, saying we had gone out of town and we would be back. We were able to get a train ticket to Devon. But it took several hours to get there because we had to go from place to place. I knew I had to see him, but I had no idea what I'd say. And not even the hours of traveling could help me think of my final confession. The sun was rising when we arrived in Devon. After arriving, we got a cab to take us to Ottery St. Catchpole. I had spent the fall break of fourth year with Cedric. I knew where he lived. But I got uneasy as I walked up the cobblestone path to his front door. The last time I was there, it was exciting. He held my hand, so excited to introduce me to his father. We both felt like we had so much ahead of us. As I walked up the same path four years later, I just felt warm as I remembered us. I hesitantly knocked on the door. His father answered, only cracking the door open.

"Hello, Mr. Diggory," I said. He seemed out of his senses.

"Oh, uh, hello," he said. "Do I know you?"

"My name is Grace," I said. "You may remember me. I knew Cedric."

"Grace?" he said. I could sense that my name worried him. "Isn't your father-"

"Sir," I said. "I'm not my father."

"Yes," he said. "I suppose you're not. Well, uh, how can I help you?"

"I've come to see Cedric," I said. "To pay my respects."

"Oh," he said. It had been four years, and I could tell it still brought tears to his eyes. "Of course. If, uh, if you'll follow that path...you'll find the family plot. Now if you'll excuse me."

"Thank-" He shut the door in my face before I could finish. But I wasn't mad about it. Jane and I followed the path to the Diggory family plot.

"I'll stay here," Jane said as we entered. "This is your visit. I'll be here when you get back" I walked drearily through the cemetery. But I knew which grave was his when I saw it. It was adorned with yellow flowers and there were pictures of him. I stopped in my tracks when I saw it. But I told myself I wouldn't cry.

I approached his grave.

 I won't cry. 

But as I saw the pictures of him, smiling and waving at me, I couldn't help it. I fell to the ground and started crying. I knew I didn't have long to say what I needed to say. I had come all this way, but now that I was here, I felt stupid talking to a stone.

"Wow," I said. "I don't even know what to say right now. I don't know if you can hear me, Cedric...I don't know why it's taken me this long to come by. But there's something that I need to say to you. And I know it's redundant, but if I don't do it, it'll haunt me forever. Around October...we had only been together for a month and, well, we kept fighting. And whenever we fought, well, I would go to Draco. It was only a few times. It lasted less than a month. And we never did anything beyond kissing. I know that doesn't make it any better. I'm not trying to make excuses. It was stupid. It was so, so, so stupid. And it led to nothing but destruction. I wished I hadn't done it. And I wish I hadn't broken up with you."

That last part was...not planned.

"I won't lie to you, Cedric. I was a bitch. I wanted attention. And Draco was giving it to me. I wanted drama. And breaking up with you definitely caused drama. I wanted to be popular. It was something I had never had. And breaking up with you certainly helped me. I wanted all the wrong things. And I was cocky enough to think that my bad decisions wouldn't come back to haunt me but they have. If you could only see what's happened since then. And to be honest...I don't think I've made a good decision since I decided to have breakfast with you that day."

In saying this, I realized that I couldn't leave any decision out. This included getting back together with Draco. Cheating on Cedric, dating Harry, breaking up with him, Dumbledore's Army, the dark mark, and my engagement. All bad decisions.

"I wish I was dead. I wish it had been me. Because living with my conscious after every bad decision I've made is so much worse than being dead. Living in a world without you, a world where I can't seem to make a right choice, is so much worse than being dead."

In a rain of realization, I realized the extent of what I did when I chose to end things with him. I realized what I threw away. I realized what I had. I had a good man who was enamored with me. 

And then I realized...I was talking to a stone. Cedric was dead. And it's my own fault for not saying everything I needed to say when he was alive. This awful guilt I was living with was just the consequence of my own actions. There's nothing I could have done to bring him back. And it was time I got back to London.

"I love you, Cedric.