Behind The Screen | Bangchan

chapter 6

Oh god,Chan...

We both stayed there,him looking down at my drenched figure while I felt small and weak,he stood there tall in front of me...

He gave me my time to get up,he didn't say anything until I was there,still just looking at him

Finally getting up I leaned against the wall,hiding my eyes from his blank stare...

"Are you okay?" His voice was soft as honey

"I'm okay" I hesitated to speak out,I expected him to be angry

"Let's get you home"

"Mmh"

He pulled my hood back,i flinched a little with his sudden move that made him nervously step away

He walked me to the car,handing me a towel to dry myself up

The silence filled up in the car,we both didn't say anything but i tried to speak,his silence made me feel more nervous

"Are you angry?"

"I was scared" his voice sounded breathy

We finally reached our house,he pulled over walking me out of the car as we both went inside

I pulled some dry clothes over me,I looked myself in the mirror...my face was pale with hint of redness on my nose and eyes,they were swollen...anyone could tell I cried like a fucking weak..

"Here" he gave me cup of hot coffee as I walked out of my room "you should...dry your hairs,you'll catch cold" he pointed out hesitatedly

I nodded,taking a sip from the mug

"This is good" I pursed my lips together

"Why did you go alone like that,you know it's not safe outside" even though his face was hard to read,his voice was calm,unlike the other days
it was softer,not stern like always

Did I broke him

I chuckled in my mind

"I just needed some air" I sighed "and personal space" my eyes wandered around,trying to avoid his tense gaze

It's actually impossible to read this man

He gives me an urge to become a psychic,for some reason i want to know him more.i want to know who he really is,I want to know what goes on in his mind,I'm eager...

He was a closed book that I wanted to read thoroughly

And i don't know why I feel this way
But i know i do

"I'll go dry my hairs" I hesitatedly spoke up,breaking the awkwardness between us

The hot air brushed against my scalp,my hands ruffling into my hairs,I sat infront of the mirror

What is it about me?
What is it about me that everyone hates me so much
What is it about me that made him leave me?

Its not always about others...maybe it's about what I did,no one will hate me because of no reason
Maybe it's not their but only my fault
But i want to know...what is my fault exactly?
Where did I go wrong exactly?

I understand him...sohee is prettier
She's loved by everyone
She's kind,she's popular,she's.....enough

And i wasn't...

Tears formed at the corner of my eyes,rolling down they burnt my cheeks,my eyes felt stingy even more,I just sat there,staring at myself in the mirror helplessly...just wondering god knows what.

I really counted on us you know?

Was I naive or was he smart?

Was he nice or was I just...in love?

I spent all my teen years on this path,I knew there would be hardships but for some reason
I had a hope that now seem to vanish slowly
that one beam of light which is dousing slowly
Was this really the right path for me?

What was i made for?why was I even born?

Anxiousness flooded through my veins,all over my body...i felt a deep uncomfort,i wanted to rip everything apart,I wanted to rip out of my own body,my own skin.
my head was spinning around all these thoughts,I closed my eyes slowly but the only thing I could see was his face on the television earlier...he looked happy with her,I know it's wrong but i envied her,I wanted to be her

But more than that,I wanted to be the one for him

"Eve" I heard knocking on the door

"Beck?"

"The CEO wants to see you" beck pointed out then turning her head towards chan "and you"

"And have you been crying" beck cupped my face slightly but i backed off

"I'm just a little sick...fever"

"Ah..i'll make you some soup"

"No,it's fine,we will just go directly"

"Okay" she patted my head and turned around
"Make her some soup afterwards" she whispered to chan

"I can hear you" I yelled as she just ran out,ignoring me.

"We can postpone the meeting if you want" chan's voice sounded like honey

"It's okay,we can just go" for some reason I couldn't look into his eyes

"Don't do that again" chan spoke up as we were walking down the hall

"Mm?"

"Don't sneak out alone again...tell me you need space" even though he wasn't stern like always,he was serious,but differently

How do I put it?
Was he possibly...worried?

But why would he be?

"What would you do if I tell you anyway?"
I pouted to ignore the tension created around both of us

"I'd look out for you from afar" his voice was soothing,I couldn't help but melt into it.
My gaze fixated on him,while he didn't glance at me for even once the whole conversation.

"It's my job" chan's hands reached the knob but he stopped to clarify his point,this time i wasn't able to read the emotion from which he spoke...it was like a bland reaction

Ofcourse,he's just doing his job
Stupid of me to assume he cares...

"Let's go inside" he finally turned the knob and the anxiety took over me again...