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Kiara always writes a weekly diary and it has been a few weeks since she missed it, today she wrote how she felt.
Dear Diary,
I'm sitting here, staring at the blank page, feeling a weight of guilt and confusion settle on my shoulders. I've been avoiding you for so long, afraid of facing my demons. But I can't keep running from them anymore so you're the first to know about it.
It all started with Ayush's confession. I was so caught off guard, so unprepared for the intensity of his feelings.
I knew I had developed feelings for him too, but the thought of commitment terrified me. I feel like a coward honestly.
My fear of rejection led me to distance myself from Ayush and my friends. I retreated into my little world, convinced that I was protecting myself. But in reality, I was hurting everyone around me, I know it's late but finally, I've understood that.
The "spilling the tea" group, once a source of laughter and support, has fallen silent. Negative energy has seeped in, replacing the joy and companionship we once shared. And I'm to blame.
My confidence, once unwavering, has shattered into a million pieces.
Every time I take a step forward, I'm pulled back by the weight of family expectations and societal judgments. It's like I'm trapped in a never-ending cycle of self-doubt and self-loathing.
I know I have feelings for Ayush, but I'm hesitant to label them. I understand the importance of commitment, but I also want to make sure it's the right decision.
I want to give him a chance, but I want it to be a beautiful journey, not a toxic one.
I'm scared of making mistakes, of getting hurt. But I can't let fear control my life. I need to find the courage to be true to myself, to take risks, and to trust my heart.
I'm not sure what the future holds, but I'm determined to face it with honesty and strength. Maybe one day, I'll be able to look back on this time and see it as a turning point, a moment when I finally learned to embrace my fears and live my life to the fullest.
But first I need to repent my mistake and I shall do it ASAP.
Thanks for being my personal dump space
Love,
Kiara
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