The Summer I Changed | The Summer I Turned Pretty Fanfic

Belly's POV

"You never can tell," Jeremiah said with what I can only imagine is disgust.

I don't say a word. He starts the car and we make our way back to the house, where I'll cook dinner, smile, and pretend everything is fine.

When did this start? When I got pregnant the second time. I started feeling down, sometimes even miserable. I wanted another baby, I loved Conrad like the stars love the moon!Right? But when I got deeper into my second trimester I found myself longing to not be in my own skin. To be anywhere by my own life.

After Luna was born my doctor said I had post partum. I felt like maybe this could be true, but it had to be more than just my hormones. I felt helpless all the time now, like whenI'd wake up I just struggle to feel like I am a human.

Conrad is not the bad guy in this story, no. I keep pushing him away and because he was never good at letting people in, all that has happened is we're like to friends sharing ahome. When we spent Christmas in the summer house without Jere I started sleeping in his old room. Sure I could have chose a different one, but I did find some comfort there.

This summer I'd come the house first, by myself. I spend the first few days prepping it for Conrad and the girls' arrival like I remember his mom doing all those years. But I alsojust wanted to be alone, away from the aching feeling that I was in the wrong life, being the wrong person.

'Thanks for the ride," I smile at him. He doesn't return my smile. I'm happy he has someone, though I felt a ping of jealousy. I never stopped loving either of them, I just made achoice. I chose to be with my childhood crush, I chose to marry Conrad, but that never meant I stopped loving Jere.

I walk into the house and see Taylor's already started the side dishes. "Hey, sorry it took so long."Taylor shrugs. "Didn't take that long."

I start chopping the carrots for the stew, going into auto-pilot. Trying to erase the feelings that are crawling in my skin.

"You okay, Bells?" Taylor asks putting a hand on my arm. I nod."Yup."

I hear Jere walk in finally, he passes us by and goes straight to the living room. Taylor eyes the doorway and me. "You know I love you," she starts. "But I also want you to knowthat-"

"I don't know where this is going," I say angrily. "But I know it's going somewhere stupid."

Taylor puts both hands up. "Fine. I'll stay out of it, like I have been for months."

I know I shouldn't do that to her, she and Steven have so much going on too right now. They just found out their son has Autism and I'm here being a bitch because I feel out ofplace in my life.

"I'm sorry," I sigh. "I love you Taylor but I don't even want anything like that uttered, okay?"

Taylor nods. "I was just going to ask what took so long at the store."

I thought she said it didn't take that long!

"Well," I wipe my hands on my apron. "I found out Jere has a girlfriend and I could tell by the smile on his face it's serious."

"That's amazing!" Taylor's smile made me feel like she was oblivious to what I was saying. "Why hasn't he told anyone?"

"I don't know," I shrug. "But I mean if Jeremiah has an actual girlfriend it's a big deal."

'Jere's dating someone?" I hear Conrad behind me. I didn't even realize he'd gotten back yet.

"Yeah," I force a smile. "I just found out on our grocery run."

Conrad grins, "That little jerk didn't tell me!"

"He didn't tell me either," I shrugged. "I just heard them ... talking."

Conrad eyed me. "Why did you say it like that?"

Taylor tilted her head. "Yeah, why did you say it like that?"

"They were like," I was holding back a giggle. "I guess dirty talking I don't know!"

Conrad's face lit up and laughs poured from him. "That's classic."

I couldn't help but smile and laugh, his laugh was infectious. He must be so happy for his brother, to be moving forward in his life. Maybe even finding happiness of his own. It brown on a guilty kind of ache in my chest, the idea of Jere moving on and Conrad being so pleased for his younger brother. 

At the dinner table everyone was quiet, it was Jere's last night in the house for who knows how long and it felt like a going away party instead of Sunday dinner.

"I heard you have a girlfriend," Conrad said breaking the silence.Madison yelped, "WHAT!"

Jeremiah looked shocked, his eyes darting from me to Conrad. "I mean ... "

"Belly said it's pretty serious," Taylor added.

"What, when did this happen?" Steven said upset. "Why am I the last to know!"

"I mean, it's still fresh- we've known each other a really long time."

"Is it my old room mate?" I knew it wasn't. I'd heard him say her name; Amanda. But still, I was maybe a little bitter about him going after her when we broke up.

"No," Jere said disgusted. "She was into some weird ki-" Conrad pointed to the kidshe kids and stopped him in his tracks. "-weird movies."

'Is it Amanda?" Conrad asked him and I was shocked he knew that name. How did Conrad know her name?"

"Yes," Jere nodded. I'd never seen him so shy about something like this.

'Oh, Dude!" Steven put a hand up for a high five but Jeremiah didn't reciprocate. "I knew you'd end up with her."

Jeremiah raised an eyebrow. "You did?"

Conrad nodded, chewing his food. How was it possible both Steven and Conrad knew about this girl and I had no knowledge of her? "Oh yeah, you brought her to our wedding and I saw the way she looked at you." 

Oh my god, I remember her! But not really, I was busy getting married. But I did remember watching her laugh at his every joke, nonchalantly grabbing his arm here and there. 

'Who's Amanda?" I blurt out.

"She's that girl Jere use to hang out with at Finch, right?" Taylor explained. Even Taylor had known about her?

"Yeah, we've been really close friends since college." Jere pursed his lips and blushed. He and I made eye contact for a second and I looked away, we hadn't talked since the car.

Why was I listening to that song? Because, it takes me to a time I didn't feel the way I feel now. I was happy, I felt myself and I felt connected to a human being who didn't push me away when something was wrong but pulled me closer. Who didn't push me away when I pushed him away. I didn't listen to it because I'm longing for Jere, I just like that it takes me back to a simpler time.

'You should bring her next weekend!" It was Madison who said this. I couldn't believe it actually, I looked at her confused and surprised.

'Oh That's a great idea!" Conrad slaps the table. "That would be so much fun!" His enthusiasm is maybe a notch too high, maybe even a little forced.

"I don't think-"

"Absolutely, I think it's a great plan!" I say too loudly perhaps, matching Conrad's level of excitement. 

Jere looks at me, "really?"

Steven is the one to answer him, "Yes man! We'd love to see her again!"

I watch his blue eyes calculate his next words. I realize I don't want him to say yes, I want him to actually not come back at all. I don't like how my chest feels less heavy when he's here, it's not good. Not for me, not for him and not for Con. I don't like how I like having him in the house, how it feels bright again when he's around.

"I'll ask her, if she has time."

Damn it. Damn everything.