The Summer I Changed | The Summer I Turned Pretty Fanfic

Half and Half

Belly's POV

The door slammed behind Conrad and it was the strangest mix of emotions. I was flooded with relief, but also an agonizing pain in my chest. Some monster clawing at me, tellingme that I am not allowed to feel relieved. That I should be sobbing, on my knees crying about how I just hurt Conrad, tried to seduce Jeremiah, and am still standing.

I take a few deep breaths. Pulling air into my lungs and exhaling as if it was going to rebuke the feelings stirring in my chest. Nothing will ever be the same now, part of me ishappy because change is what I wanted. But also, I feel like I need to grieve my life, the one I had just a year ago. The smiles, the laughs. I wish I could just go back to being her,that Belly. That woman that had it all together, for a short time I was all together.

Part of my heart is screaming, shouting for me to run after Conrad and say I'm sorry. Tell him that I didn't mean it, I can chance. I can be better, I can go back to being the happyand smiley Isabel he knew. To just band-aid the situation, hold it together even if it means just pretending. I can't. I'm stuck in place, I'm glued to my spot. The glow of thewindow illuminating the maroon comforter. rustled sheets, where Conrad was once sleeping peacefully. I can't continue to torture him either. He's not the bad guy, I always knewhe ran from his problems. Our problems.

One thing I know for sure, during this time away from Conrad and the girls, I need to decided if my feelings for Jeremiah have been fueled by my lack of control over my emotionsor is it because I am truly still in love with him. Still longing and lingering to be near him, hold him, touch his face and stare into those blue eyes.I crawled into the now cold sheets, covering myself up and pulling my eyes shut. Tomorrow is another day, a different day.

Jere's POV

I realized I had forgotten what sleeping really felt like. I hadn't really slept in years, I dozed off and got my hours in but I haven't slept so well that not even a moving train could have woken me up. That's what sleeping in Amanda's bed was like last night, it was like being in a perfect cloud of being complete and happy.

"I'll see you later," She says with a kiss on my cheek as I leave so she can get to work. I don't want to go, I want to cling to her like glue. I want to sit here and wait for her with flowers and dinner, but I know her well enough to know that will freak the shit out of her and probably make her change her number.

"Call me," I say with a smile.

We didn't discuss what transpired last night. How we felt about, if it means we are going to move forward in a relationship. I just told her I was in love with her, had some of the best sex I've had in forever and then we went to sleep. She loves me too, so I'm not worried about what it means for the future, but I do feel like we should have a more in-depth conversation- and maybe more sex after. But I can't say anything now, I'm going to let her go to work, while I return to beach house. Yes, the beach house, the house of horror at this point.

I want to talk to Conrad, I want to get the rest of my things out of that house and I'd like to speak to Bells again. One more time, to explain to her why I left the way I did. To maybe be less of an asshole to her, she deserves that- at the most. Not that I feel like I really owe her anything, but I also am not that person who walks away and never talks to somebody again.

Maybe I should be. Maybe it's time I change, drastically. But not today, today I tell Belly I'm sorry for how I acted. Today, I tell my brother that I love him but due to some recent events I think it's better if I don't come back around for the holidays. at least this year, maybe next year things will be better. Different. The seasons aren't the only things that change, right?