The Summer I Changed | The Summer I Turned Pretty Fanfic

Belly's POV

Belly

I watched Jeremiah leave the kitchen, he grabbed his keys off the kitchen counter and sprinted through the door. I felt cemented to my chair, the ache in my chest was so deep and so painful. Conrad does not deserve what I am going to him, Jeremiah did not deserve what I did to him and I don't deserve either of them. But I can not help that all I want, every fiber of my being wants to feel his lips on mine. I have spent so much of my life loving Conrad, but there has always been a burning love for Jere. I thought when we broke up, when I married Conrad- I thought it was over. I could move on, but I can't.

I love my children, I absolutely love my kids more than life itself. But I don't feel that way about Conrad. When we had our wedding, I looked at myself in that dress and I thought about that day, that moment when I changed the course of our lives. I thought about Jeremiah, my sweet Jere. His eyes, his lips and his laugh.

I took a deep breath, stretching my arms above my head in hopes to shake this heavy ache away. "Time to give up," I say to myself with a sigh.

Conrad and the girls returned, we did not talk much as he packed their things to take them back home. He could not stand to be in the house with me another night, so it would be me alone in this big house for the next few weeks of summer. That sounded lonely and comforting at the same time. Maybe Taylor would come stay with me for a night or two if she's not too busy.

"I love you mom," Maddie said followed by her tightest hug. Her brown hair in a loose ponytail, wild and messy just like her. "Will you be home soon?"

I looked into her big brown eyes and I forced a smile on my face. "Yes, I will Mads." I caught a glimpse of Conrad who rolled his eyes.

"Come on, dad wants to beat the traffic," He called to her. "See ya soon... Belly." He said with his own half smile. I could see the empty look in his eyes. I could tell he was done with me, the only thing he cared about was our two girls. Conrad never gave himself to me, never fully. But I could never lie and say he didn't love them whole, Conrad gave all his heart to the girls and maybe didn't leave and left for me. Jere though, he gives his entire self to someone. He loved me with every bit of himself, I wish I'd known the difference, I wish I could just feel the difference one time. Just one night with him to be able to see for myself. It feels like the more I think about him freely, the more I let go of my guilt and worries. I want to know what it would have been like if I never messed everything up between us, I want to know what it would be like to wake up next to him.

The sun had set, the house quiet and I cant say I feel lonely. But not because the house is empty. I've been sitting in the living room curled up thinking about Jeremiah, what I could say to him to change his mind. I understand how he's feeling, he could never do that to Conrad. There is nothing I could say to him to change his mind. Jere was loyal, he always puts everyone first, himself always last. I did it too, I put him last. Jere would deny me, over and over again. Because he would never hurt Conrad, he would never hurt the kids and he wouldn't do anything to hurt me.

I walked around the house, ate a bag full of microwave popcorn and watched two 80's classics. The clock had ticked slowly, time was moving slower than a snail on a dirt road. It was two in the morning when the ache in my stomach got the best of me, I couldn't sit here and just wonder anymore, I had to know. He might deny me, but I would ask again because I wouldn't be able to sleep if I don't tell him how much I miss him, or need him or want him in my life.

I grab my phone and text the last number I had on him, hoping it's still the same.

Belly- Jere?

I know he could be sleeping, it's late at night, he's probably fast asleep. I'd just text him what I'm thinking and hopefully he'd reply tomorrow morning... Or not.

Belly- Listen, I don't even know if this is still your number. but I wanted to tell you... I love you. I still think about you all the time. I've made a lot of mistakes and one of them were walking away from that alter that day. I know you can't betray Conrad. I don't expect you to, but I'd like for you to come back to the summer house and for us to have an honest conversation. Jere, I think about you all the time. Text me when you wake up.

I let out the breath I was holding. I can't believe I just sent that.

Belly- This is Belly, BTW.

Looking back, I didn't need to add the last bit. He probably knew it was me. I put my phone down on the end table beside me. I'm ready to close my eyes, waiting to wake up tomorrow and see if Jere replies.

Buzz Buzz

My heart stops. A text flashes across my screen. I grab my phone so quickly I almost hit the lamp and drop it off the table. It's not Jere, instead Conrad is texting. I'm surprised I thought he'd be fast asleep for sure.

Conrad- I'm sorry I was so cold today. I just want you to know that I'll always care for you Belly. I'll always love you.

I feel a disgusted. My mouth feels like I've just drank vomit flavored poison, my chest heaves with guilt and misery. I hate myself again. Here I am, hurting everyone around me. I'm about to throw my phone across the room, disposing of it so I never have to see any of the messages again. I hate myself for this, for wanting him so badly and dreaming of this alternate life. I'll never truly know what life would have been like if I chose Jere, and I never will.

Buzz Buzz

My phone vibrates in my hand, I slide open the lock screen to see what other kind words Conrad has sent, only for my to hate myself more and fall deeper into this ocean.

Jere- This is still my number.

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NOTE:

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