The Summer I Changed | The Summer I Turned Pretty Fanfic

My Needs

It was like a movie played out in front of me, the tensions were so thick in the kitchen while I stared at Belly. She was staring at me, surprised I'd just told her such a scandal. It was hot in the room, even though I could hear the woosh of the air coming from the vents. She put her hand back on mine, her pink lips were pursed and her big

brown eyes looking at me like I might just be the last shred of hope for happiness and sanity she had left. Her chest was heaving with every breath she took.

I didn't move my hand from under hers, my resolve slowly melting away as she rubbed a circle on my hand with her thumb. Each completed circle pulled me closer and closer to

dropping any willpower I'd built in my head. "But, I'm still your best kiss right?" She asked in almost a whisper. I didn't realize I had been holding my breath until I let it out,

taking another sharp breath. "Always."

Of course, of course our kisses were life changing. They literally changed our lives. If I'd never kissed her, I might also have been happily married with kids of my own, instead of

sitting in the family beach house trying to hide my erection from my brother's wife. Or would I be miserable because all along it was always meant to be her. My Belly.

Am i in love with Amanda? or am I just trying to find something to hold on to, someone to fill up gaping holes in my soul. Images from last night flood my mind as Belly draws

circles on the inside of my palm. Amanda giggling, her eyes bright with happiness and me feeling whole for just a moment.

"Bells," I say with a long dragged out sigh. "As much as I want to throw you down onto this flimsy breakfast table," I take another deep breath and exhale. Belly's eyes flash with mischief and excitement at the thought.

"I can't, I really can't. I don't know what I'm doing with my life and neither do you."

I hesitate but eventually pull her hand off mine, her bright eyes dim. Her thread of hope cut loose, our moment dead. She places her hands in her lap and nod solemnly. "You're right."

I can't stop myself from caressing her cheek with the back of my hand, leaning forward to be closer to her as she leans into my touch. Her eyes close involuntarily and she makes a low moan.

"Mmm," she purrs against my hand and I almost lean forward and kiss her straight on her perfect pink lips. Her lips are swollen from her chewing them while we talked and all my mouth wants to do is chew on her bottom lip while I hear her say my name.

Damn it Jeremiah! Stop.

I pull my hand away and her eyes fly open. 

"Please, Jere," she pleads and I know she's asking for more than just a kiss, or a caress. I know my Belly and she wants me to give her everything we never got to have. I shake my head in response, I can't bring myself to say no to her, but I can not do what she is asking.

"Connie, will be back with the girls soon." I cough out. "Let him know I stopped by." I stand up, my legs weak from our brief interaction. I don't wait, I can't stay here any longer because I don't have the strength to stop myself from undressing her and taking her, having her right there on the kitchen floor. I won't even have the will power to make it upstairs to a bed, if I don't run now I'll be butt cheeks out in the kitchen. I can't be the bigger person forever.

Once I'm in my car I call Amanda and she does not answer, of course not. If I know her she's already changed her mind, sabotaging her own self like she's done before. Even if Amanda didn't want to be a real couple, I still couldn't have my brothers wife ... right? Of course not, it's wrong. I'm not that guy.