Lovely Boxer - LeeKnow

25: Deep End

︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Honestly
Throughout my life
Deep inside
I never felt alive

I'm sinking in the deep end
I'll just try to cry myself to sleep
Please stop this pain

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

⚠️⚠️⚠️

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

No One's POV:

She took out fresh clothes, something simple, something that covered her completely. Her black zip up hoodie with sweats and plain white t-shirt inside. She stumbled into the bathroom, the heavy thud of the door slamming shut behind her echoing her inner turmoil. In the dim, confined space, she felt the walls closing in, a prison of her own making. She slid down the cold wall, trying to drown out the cacophony of her thoughts. The world outside faded to a distant roar, but inside, the chaos only grew louder, relentless and consuming.

She couldn't stand it any longer. The clean streak she'd fought so hard to maintain shattered as she reached for the solace she'd sworn off. Her weakness and vulnerability felt like a raw, exposed nerve, and she was acutely aware of every jagged edge. She needed something—anything—to help her breathe, to cut through the suffocating pressure that gripped her. Desperation overpowered her resolve, and she surrendered to the need for relief, however fleeting or flawed it might be.

She yanked open the bathroom cabinet, her hands scrambling beneath the towels until they found that all-too-familiar box. The box of blades.

She'd come across it countless times before, sometimes managing to push it away, to fight against it. 

But not today. 

The crushing weight of her vulnerability had broken through her resolve, because she'd already dragged it through her skin. She felt the sting of her own weakness and the blade, but there was no turning back so she kept going, letting he pain and desperation consume her.

Before she even realized, her thighs were littered with cuts, all fresh and actively bleeding. But she did nothing, just stared at the oozing blood. It calmed her down. The pain from the cuts was nothing compared to the anguish caused by her mother and her own feelings of inadequacy. 

"It doesn't hurt anymore"
She thought to herself.
It didn't hurt because her thighs were numb, but the dizziness was unmistakable. She was losing blood—little, but enough to make her head spin and her vision blur. As the world around her swayed, she struggled to focus. 

She decided to stop the bleeding before anything else went wrong. Despite her decision, a part of her remained detached, almost indifferent. Deep down, she wouldn't have minded if this was the end. The numbness, the dizziness, and the sense of impending darkness were almost a relief compared to the turmoil she felt inside. 

She wiped the blood from the floor, tears streaming down her face as the gravity of her situation settled in. The thoughts and problems she had been avoiding, the truths she wasn't ready to face, became all too clear. She realized she was ready to confront them now, ready to let go of everything she had been clinging to. The weight of it all felt unbearable—she was at the end of her rope, no longer willing to fight against the darkness that surrounded her.