The second entry of my first love

10. past

Lying on my bed, tears silently rolled down my cheeks, soaking into my pillow and the dress I hadn't even changed out of.

Silently crying in the dark room, with old pain ripping through my heart—it was unbearable.

Even if someone stabbed me with a knife, it still wouldn’t hurt as much as this.

All these years, I thought I had moved on.

I thought I had forgotten everything.

I thought my wounds had healed.

But just one meeting with him—one single moment—and I realized…

I never forgot anything.

I had only buried it deep in my heart.

I never healed.

The wounds had just been covered by dust.

And now?

Now, every bit of dust has been wiped away.

And the pain—the past—was still as fresh as ever.

I didn’t forget.

I still remember everything.

Every detail.

Every moment.

Every feeling.

2013.

The year my normal, happy teenage life took a 360-degree turn.

Back then, I was just like everyone else.

I loved watching Disney princess movies, believing that one day, my prince would come—a boy who belonged to only me.

Yeah, I really waited for my dream man.

But ironically, I was always surrounded by boys.

Having two younger brothers definitely affected my personality.

I was always competing with them. I wasn’t fragile like other girls. I always had to prove that I was just as strong.I acted tough. I hung out with guys, fought, acted like one of them.

I knew my tomboyish personality didn’t match my secret fairytale dreams.

But that’s just who I was.

To the world, I showed my strength. My wildness. My I’m-not-less-than-any-boy attitude.

But deep inside…

I hid the fragile, girly side of me.The part that wanted to be a princess.

And I thought I would always be this way.

Until everything shattered.

The moment I transferred to a new school in 2013, my world flipped upside down.

It was a prestigious high school.

My previous school was nothing compared to this.

I thought I was good at studies.

I thought I was a decent student.

But the moment I entered that school, I realized—I was nothing in front of them.

They were all top-class students.

And in front of them—I was just average.

When I entered the classroom, all eyes were on me.

They looked elite.

For the first time in my life—I felt inferior.

For the first time, I felt insecure.