The second entry of my first love

13. past IV

I was usually fighting with Felix and Arthur, Stella and Kevin were separating us when Sage entered the class holding Bella's hand. We all stop and looked at them in surprise and then he announce that he was dating Bella.

Everyone was shocked for a few seconds but soon they started cheering and congratulating them. All my friends surrounded the couple to ask since when you two are seeing each other? Who confesses first? And many questions.

The whole class and my friends were too busy with the couple to notice the tears that were falling from my eyes. I always have control over my emotions, when I have to show them and when not, but at this point i can't control my emotions and pain that shattered my heart who made the mistake of being in love. I left the class so they can enjoy themselves until I able to get hold of my emotions.

The hurt was new and too much for me, after all it was my first heartbreak from my first love or maybe first one sided love. It was hard to bear the pain, i knew that i was not good enough for him, just what kind of stupid guy would choose a short black haired girl with wild nature and lack of elegance and shyness of a girl, over the girl who has elegance, grace and a feminine nature with the top class beauty. Of course, no one would choose that, then how can the perfect guy like him choose me over Bella.

But his different way of treating me gives me hope and courage to be the best for him. I think he's different from others. Maybe he will choose the beautiful heart over the beautiful face. It's no use in the end all my hopes turn out to be my assumption, he chose beauty over the loving heart just like others.

When i got the hold of my emotions i entered the class with the same smile that always plaster on my face. I went near the couple and congratulated them "Congratulations new couple, have a happy life and don't forget to invite me to your wedding" i said with a bright smile and painful heart and saw faint smile on Sage face. I spent the rest of the day as usual like nothing happened.

We all separate our ways to our home after school, i was walking slowly as my feet feel heavy as rock was binding with my feet. I didn't have the strength to take one more step as i fell on my knees at silent street. I didn't feel any emotions, my eyes were dry and not a drop of tears were present. I was all alone, i couldn't tell anyone about my pain, i had no one to comfort me to tell me 'it's okay, it'll be alright.' suddenly a blue butterfly came flying to me and sat on my wrist, like it was holding my hand and comforting me. I couldn't hold back as i burst into tears and started crying all alone in a silent street. Shit! Why does no one ever tell me that heartbreak hurts like this.

But I was quite lucky though cause when Sage announce his relationship with Bella it was just one month earlier than exams. So in order to distract myself i threw myself in the books. And the result was quite amusing, i got third position in the class. I always think that i should thank Sage for breaking my heart, after all it turns out to be a study boost for me.

The night before the result day was quite tough for me, I convinced myself that no matter what tomorrow I'll confess to Sage my love for him without expecting his feelings in return. Cause i don't want to have any regrets.

On the result day, i was so happy when I got my result. Stella and Kevin were happy and congratulated me to get third position, on the other hand Felix and Arthur were shocked to the core that how I was able to get position when I was worse than them in studies. But there's one more person who was more shocked than them, the old lady, my class teacher she was speechless when she handed me the result. It was funny.

Stella, Kevin, Felix, Arthur and I were talking and laughing but Sage was nowhere to be seen, so i excuse myself to look for Sage. Maybe this was my biggest mistake. I turned around to look at my friends again before leaving, that was the last time I was seeing them, i wish i knew and stopped myself from leaving them.

I looked the whole school for Sage to confess and finally spotted him with Bella, she was hugging him like he'll run away any moment. My heart that was already cracked but it shattered into pieces at the sight of them. The thing that hurt me wasn't seeing them hug, it was that he didn't come to congratulate me even as a friend. The thought that the importance and place he give me from the start was no longer mine. His beautiful girlfriend was important for him that our friendship of one year.

It was the straw of my patience, i ran and left from there as fast as i could, without looking back. I ran and ran until, i was far enough, so no one could reach me.

After that i transfer into girls High school and continue my life. The first year was difficult for me, the wound was still fresh. I felt i couldn't not go on like this, so i tried to forget, forget the beautiful memories, people that were close to me and the guy who made me realise that love doesn't exist.

It was hard at first but as they say time is a great healer. I stop talking about my past, never contact anyone that was related to my past and realise the truth that love doesn't exist in reality.

Yes, that was wrong but i did whatever it takes to erase my past, and keep going forward without looking back.

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But today when I saw him again after nine years all the pain come on the surface again, the wound that all along i think healed was still fresh.

All those nine years go in vain.

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