Junior Jump scares

Inner Turmoil

Drunk thoughts

Maybe I'm sapphic
Maybe I'm gay maybe Im straight and don't think that's ok
Maybe I'm drunk
And maybe that's it
Am I everybody's ho
Or am I just the side chick
A fray in the vocal tones
A slay in the vodka owned
A disaster of plastered college students known

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I'm done with the dazed crazed Jack asses who want to use me
Done with the bitch ass boys who don't pursue me
I'm done with the ones I don't like
I'm done lying to myself and through those emotional tumultuous plights
I need some time for myself.
By myself
Working and thirsting and proving for myself
My pride putting me first
Self care I declare I ready for this burst
Of self centered self indulgent no more sacrifice
This goddess, bodess, flawless, dauntless
and I know that this time.
I'll have a minute
To plan my future

A moment to be Devine
Feminine in my energy
Every moment spent is mine

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8/27/2024 8:16pm
At war

There is no song I can find
To express losing a love undefined
One that you gave your life to
Bled and fight to

just to never hold

The sand is falling through my hands
And I am being
flooded by the chatter of the ones who say regret
But I don't buy it
And I don't regret a thing I was biast
In thinking that was the only thing
But if I'm honest
It's the reason that I breathe and I'm drowning I'm drowning I'm drowning
In everything.
I was someone
In a small bubble
I was nothing in the context when I saw right through the rubble
Is a war zone beautiful
In the sacrifice one gives
In the pure humanity and streaghnth
And within you something lives
Is it tragic
Or magic
To destroy just to create
Is it dampened
By the reality
The aftermath those decisions made
Or is a moment in time so worth it
And the beginning and end concave
What's left when the war is over
What's left when there's no one to blame
What's left when my scars are bleeding for more
My muscles memorizing
Bullets through my core
And through the memories
The dreams
The waking moments evermore
Sometimes I wish I was still at war
Because in those moments
I had something bigger than myself to sacrifice for.
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5:14pm 8/28/2024
Part of the madness

Every fall I long to feel again
Strong enough to heal again
Craft my story's with a feather pen
So light and yet so strong
The place where I belong
Belonged
Is there still space for me
This land of magic, madness
And hypocrisy
And feel my insecurities
As each and every one flows out of me
And into the mirror
Am I staring at my own reflection
Who is her
A quote my mother said when I left and became a woman
Is there still space for this woman to dance
To light up the ice give me a chance to leave viewers in a trance of what could be the sport
Now it's hollow and shallow
Is there still space for me
Because without it
There's no where for me  to go
I had it in the first half
Now I've lost it
Looking for my better half
My passions saying I've got it
How they've faded
Royal colors turn to pastels
Will the memory welcome me
It's losing me
Still
I'm not an old memory
I'm someone entirely new
No longer that crying child dying for everything she knew
A little more steady on my partly metal bones
A little bit more heavy
3 more inches that I've grown
A little bit more mindfulness in putting myself first
So why put back on the crown
When I know that the magics
A curse?