The Love We Give

845

As Hange's and Sira's relationship finally becomes serious, now is the time for the storyline to move on.
This chapter briefly covers the fall of Wall Maria in the year 845, as well as some of the change inside the Scouts Regiment, before we will be heading for the first, bigger time-skip afterwards, to set the scene.

Song recommendation for this chapter:
"Like a Prayer - Choir Version from "Deadpool & Wolverine" by I'll Take You There Choir

For almost a year now, every mission felt like the Survey Corps were failing. Failing, again and again. Ever since Tiny had died seemingly out of the blue, they only managed to capture one other titan, but it, too, had died within just a few days, due to Hange's experiments. It had left them shattered. Commander Shadis acted even more aggressive and irritated with every day, as the weight of his failures seemed to only add on. Within the Scouts, the atmosphere felt heavy and depressed – and whenever they would return from missions, the civilians would let them know just how disappointed and angry they were with them.

Many times, the troops had come back with their heads hung low, faces full of shame. They couldn't bear to look into all these eyes, eyes that looked at them with disgust. They were a disgrace to humanity, at least that's what it felt like. They were all useless and they were dying on top of it.

The cries of Moses Braun's mother screeched through the streets of Shiganshina, as she sunk to her knees, unwrapping what was left of her son, when the Survey Corps returned once more from their mission. If only they had stayed inside the walls that day... all the other days before.

Sira couldn't bear to look at the woman crying for her son, and the Commander, after all these months of hiding his true emotions and only letting it out by yelling at his soldiers, finally caved, too. Surprised looks stood on the Scouts' faces as Keith Shadis started yelling and crying, too, admitting to his failures and how the Scout Regiment didn't come any closer to an answer about the titans at all.

It wasn't true, Sira thought to herself, grinding her teeth. She knew all too well how many observations Hange had made in these past two years, ever since she had come here. She felt that anger building up inside of her, because their missions hadn't all been unsuccessful. There were many reliable soldiers within their squads, many of who had survived this hell for years. Erwin did his best implementing new strategies when they were needed and Commander Shadis wasn't as adamant as before. They were working together and giving their best; all of them were risking their lives and Sira stood still between her comrades and friends, her fingernails digging into the flesh of her palm, when she put her hands into fists.

Moses' mother cried bitterly into her son's wrapped up remains and her screeching voice suddenly sounded out the built up anger inside of Sira. They were risking their lives, but at what cost? Maybe she had to admit that the Commander was right in some way, in the end. There weren't any major victories to register on their part. They didn't make a change, didn't find out lifechanging information about anything. They had lost so many people for only the tiniest number of details about the titans – what for? What was it all for? Maybe Commander Shadis had noticed their failure, his failure, in this very moment, too.

A walk of shame, that's what it felt like, when they made their way through the city of Shiganshina that day. Everybody could feel the piercing looks; that feeling stayed with them until they had reached the inner gate, finally making it through Wall Maria. The way back to their headquarters in Trost district always took way more time, than leaving it behind. Everybody was tired; humans, horses. Life felt miserable and so did they.

When the Scouts left Shiganshina and Wall Maria behind on that day, they didn't know what else they had turned their back to and none of them would find out until the next day, when news was sent straight to their headquarters in Trost district.