Heart, Body & Soul (MxM)

Chapter Thirty-Two

You think it takes too much to love,
Only because you haven't met someone once deprived.

***

Riyaan feels like they are moving slower than average, even slower than the first time they met.

The whole drive Riyaan leans against the window glass and looks through the glass window of trees passing in the dark. Anything to make him not break down, anything to keep his mind off of Ivan, and how beautiful he looks today despite not having his hair and beard done properly. But amidst all these thoughts, he cannot stop wondering whether Ivan is included in all those plans of his ex(?) were going on about.

He desperately wishes to ask Ivan, but...

'Don't sleep. It will be hard to carry you,' Ivan says, a hint of tease in his voice.

He cannot deny that his heart feels a little relief that Ivan is no longer angry at him. But some funny part of him is also fond of that anger - it was for him, and only him, after all. That too because he refused to eat more of what Ivan cooked for him. Riyaan looks at him for a second before looking out of the window glass again. He feels Ivan's gaze multiple times on him.

'There's a wine tasting place about some four-hour drive from the city, we can go there sometime, if you want.'

'Why, I don't even drink wine.'

'You haven't tasted much. You might want to taste them occasionally.'

Ivan seems to be finding new ways to keep their new found friendship alive. Doesn't he know it's too late for friendzoning now?

'Want me to play some music?' Ivan asks again, after a few moments of silence.

'I don't mind.'

'What do you want?'

Does it matter he almost says it, but realised it did matter. Except when it comes to a relationship with Ivan.

'Anything.'

Cooking his favourite food - he would still understand. He was the guest today, and he doesn't have much of an appetite unless it's his favourite food. But now the car stereo fills with Calling by Kalax ft. Frankmusik, one of the Synth music that he always listens to a lot.

Soft, and with right volume, which instantly changes Riyaan's mood. No, it doesn't just change his mood - it makes him so mad. Mad with overwhelming emotions. Mad that he is dying and broken, yet Ivan likes to play with his emotions, is that why he is doing this? Ivan definitely knows it's his favourite song from the whole album, yet he is showing that he remembers his favourite music after which probably he will go back to his lover, have sex with him and kiss him.

'This is okay?'

Riyaan takes in a shaky breath.

'Okay...' he doesn't miss a beat to answer that in fear that he might not be able to speak with a straight voice. He wishes for Ivan to not speak to him at all for the rest of the journey.

'You know what this song is about?' Ivan asks him, as the song plays.

Riyaan doesn't. 'No,' he says, taking a peak at Ivan. His face is unreadable. And he never truly thought much of the lyrics.

'It's about someone who is no longer in touch with you. In this particular case, the artist speaks about his relationship with his mother.'

That hits him with deep sadness. Maybe...maybe Ivan is not trying to hurt him. Not intentionally anyway. He hates Ivan at the moment, but he doesn't want Ivan to be so gone from his life that he only reminisces their moments as it's past and past only.