UNSCRIPTED FEELINGS (ENGLISH)
Lingling Sirilak Kwong had always known exactly who she was-or so she thought. She considered herself "straight as a ruler" and never once questioned it. As actress, model, and TV host under Thailand's Channel 3, she ha...
The scream escaped before I even realized what I was doing. I threw the book I’d been reading aside, sitting bolt upright in bed as my heart raced in my chest. What in the world did I just see?
I glanced at my phone, my eyes wide and my pulse still hammering in my ears. P’Lingling had just posted a picture on Twitter, and it wasn’t just any picture. No, it was a picture of her—leaning against the wall inside her room, dressed in a simple blue two-piece bikini. The lighting was soft, warm, and it somehow highlighted every curve, every detail of her figure in a way that was both breathtaking and intimate.
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She looked calm, effortlessly beautiful, her pose was natural, as if she hadn’t even tried. I stared at the image, my fingers trembling slightly as I swiped to take it all in again. I’d seen P’Lingling in all kinds of outfits on set—glamorous costumes, casual clothes, even those awkward in-between moments when she wasn’t camera-ready—but this? This felt different.
My heart thumped harder with each passing second. Why was I reacting like this? I’d always known P'Lingling was beautiful—that was no secret. But something about seeing her like this, in such a casual yet intimate moment, had my emotions spiraling. I’d never seen her like this before. It was as if she had opened up a window into her world, one that she kept just slightly hidden away.
I couldn’t tear my eyes from the screen. She looked comfortable, at home in her own skin, leaning casually against that wall. My breath hitched again, and I had to force myself to look away, my face burning with a flush I didn’t know how to explain.
It was just a picture, I told myself. Just a simple picture, nothing more. But I couldn’t deny that this image stirred something in me, something I wasn’t sure I was ready to face.
I bit my lip, tossing my phone aside and falling back onto the pillows, staring up at the ceiling. What was wrong with me? Why did I feel like this every time Lingling did something? Every time she laughed, smiled, or even looked in my direction? This wasn’t the first time my emotions had gotten the best of me when it came to her, but this… this felt different. It was deeper. More intense.
My mind raced with conflicting thoughts. On one hand, I wanted to embrace these feelings, let them consume me and allow myself to fall completely for her. On the other hand, I knew better than to let myself get too close. P'Lingling was my co-star, my friend. We were working together—nothing more, nothing less. I couldn’t allow myself to feel more than that, right?
I groaned softly, rubbing my face with both hands as I fought the urge to scream again. This was getting ridiculous. We had a week off from shooting, time to rest and recharge, but instead of feeling relaxed, I was wound up like a spring, unable to stop thinking about her.
Why was it so hard to control my feelings when it came to P'Lingling? Every time I tried to remind myself that we were just friends, just colleagues, something would happen—some small moment, a touch, a smile—and all those carefully constructed walls I’d built would start to crumble.
My phone buzzed again, and despite my better judgment, I picked it up. The post was still there, staring me down, daring me to look again. And of course, I did. I scrolled through the comments, seeing how everyone was praising her beauty and admiring her confidence. I couldn’t help but smile at the flood of love and support she was getting.
But deep down, a small voice whispered to me. It’s not just about the compliments, is it? It’s about how you feel when you look at her.
I rolled my eyes at myself, frustrated with the war going on inside my head. I shouldn’t be thinking like this. P'Lingling didn’t see me that way—I was sure of it. She was always calm and composed, the complete opposite of the storm of emotions I seemed to be battling. And yet, I couldn’t stop the way my heart pounded when I was near her. I couldn’t stop the way my breath caught every time she looked at me with those gentle, knowing eyes.
“Get it together, Orm,” I muttered under my breath, setting the phone down on the bedside table. I pulled the blanket up over my head, trying to drown out the noise of my thoughts. But even under the covers, in the quiet room, I couldn’t escape the image of her. P'Lingling, leaning against the wall, serene and beautiful, etched into my mind.
I groaned again, more out of frustration than anything else. What was I supposed to do? I couldn’t stop these feelings, no matter how much I tried to bury them. But I also couldn’t let them take over. This was Lingling—my P’Lingling. She wasn’t just some crush or passing fancy. She was someone I cared about deeply, and that scared me more than anything.
I closed my eyes, trying to focus on my breathing, trying to calm the whirlwind inside me. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t shake the image of her. And worse, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was falling deeper and deeper into something I wasn’t sure I could climb out of.
