Healing Hurts (Anakin Skywalker)

Chapter 2

Havena's Point of View

It was 10am when I finally opened my eyes this morning. My father had officially "moved out" yesterday which left my mother and I as the only two people in the house. Fortunately he left my howling, barking, and shedding alarm clock at home with us - our three year old lab, Oscar. I sighed as I turned over to face the hyper beast and watched as he leapt around playfully and then ran to the bedroom door.

"Havena?" I heard my mother call.

I watched the door crack open, Oscar flying out between my mothers legs in a flurry.

"What are you doing still in bed? I thought you were going to help fix breakfast?"

Oh... right. My bad.

"Sorry, mom. I must have stayed up too late last night. I'll be down in a bit!"

She paused in the doorway for a moment, lifting an eyebrow. "Are you sure you're okay?"

Not really, but she didn't need to know that.

"I'm fine, really. Let me get dressed and I'll let Oscar out."

She lingered for a second longer, taking the time to peak inside and glance around my room before she said "okay" and closed the door. Once I heard her footsteps get farther and farther down the hall, I closed my eyes. She always was a worry-wart and I knew she always would be... that's why I wouldn't tell her about what's been going on.

To be fair, I told her little things. Just some hints about how I was feeling without saying anything too concerning. If anything major bothered me, I told her. I just didn't want to give her anything else to worry about. And I mean... most of it was just minor anyway. A few high heart rates on my watch, some extra fatigue, a headache here and there. And headaches weren't new to me, anyway. I've had them for my whole life, though they have been much more frequent within the past couple of years.

But it's okay. Those are all manageable and easily explainable. I've been diagnosed with anxiety since I was 15 - nearly 4 years ago now - and that could explain the headaches and the heart rate. The fatigue? Well... honestly, I think I've just been kind of depressed lately. I've not been wanting to do anything other than lay around, and even though there's not anything actively upsetting me I know that it often goes hand-in-hand with anxiety.

See? Fine.

Three weeks ago, I had tested positive for the covid-19 virus. As soon as we realized that my "cold" wasn't really a cold, I'd locked myself in my room and refused to let anyone near me. Luckily I'd only had a mild case and I was able to recover relatively easily. My family all had to quarantine in our little country home.

My father in particular was very... unhappy about it. It had delayed his ability to stay elsewhere for the time being and on top of that, he wasn't able to go to work for nearly 2 weeks because of it. I knew that my mother had often had to "ease him down" over the quarantine period. He was angry, I knew. And I understood why.

Since my recovery, I've been a bit off. I don't know what exactly is wrong, just that I've been much more tired than usual. I had always generally been tired, but not like this. It's been harder to get up in the mornings and half the time I've been waking up with a pounding headache. It's probably because I went to sleep around 8 last night and I slept for so long, though.

Slowly, I pulled my blankets down and turned so that I was sitting on the edge of the bed. I tried to ignore the light-headed feeling it gave me, and finally I stood up to get ready for the day.

As I made my way to the dresser on the other side of the room, my mind drifted to the dream I had again last night. It was just like all the other ones I've had since I was a kid. The only difference? The subject was older now than he was when I was a kid. It was odd, almost like he'd been growing up the same as I had been.

I'd started having these dreams when I was around 5 years old. It was almost like I was watching tv - just a spectator, watching the little boy's life with his mother in their warm, desert hut. I couldn't explain it, but I just knew that he was real. I had this feeling in my gut that just wouldn't go away.

When I was 6 years old, I had started feeling these... weird sensations. It wasn't until I had a dream where the little boy had been screamed at by what looked to me to be a monster. A little, blue monster with wings. The little boy's expression turned to fear, and I felt a cold feeling spread throughout my chest and toward my arms and legs. My heart clenched with the cold, nearly turning to ice when the monster raised his hand at the boy. He flinched and jumped backward, only to realize that the monster had stopped his hand mid-air. It had been a threat.

Similarly, I had noticed that a comforting warmth flooded through my chest when the boy was happy during my dreams. And to me, that solidified that he was real. How could he have been fake when I could actually feel him, right?

The mind of a child was a wondrous thing, but the naivety was overwhelming.

It wasn't until I'd turned 8 years old that I saw the boy outside of my dreams, and in the last place I would have expected to see him - on tv. A movie that my father wanted me to watch with him. I knew without any doubt that it was the same boy as soon as I saw his sandy, blonde hair.

Anakin Skywalker.

My heart broke that day when I'd realized that the boy didn't actually exist. My father must have watched the movie when I was young, and I must have seen the boy and turned him into some sort of imaginary friend in my head. I'd so desperately wanted to believe that he was real, that he was somewhere out there for me to find. But I knew better.

Somehow, the dreams didn't stop. I saw him at least twice a week from that point forward, and he seemed to age along with me. Only a few weeks ago, I saw flashes of the events of Attack of the Clones. Being a bodyguard for Padme Amidala, traveling to Naboo with her. I also managed to catch a glimpse of the Geonosian stadium where he, Obi-Wan Kenobi, and Padme Amidala were all "supposed" to meet their deaths.

The odd part was... I never saw anything even semi-romantic between Anakin and Padme like in the movies. In fact, everything I saw with the two of them in it suggested they were just friends. Maybe it'll happen later? I mean, why would that not remain the same?

My mind is a joke.

Once I was fully dressed and ready for the day, I made my way downstairs to my mother.

"Ready?" She asked, handing me a plate of scrambled eggs and bacon, "I thought maybe we could watch some movies together today! Have a little mother-daughter bonding. How's that sound?"

I forced a smile, using my free hand to subtly grab the edge of the table to steady myself as the light-headedness returned.