Brake check- autistic Oscar Piastri, ADHD Lando Norris

12: compartmentalize

Oscar's POV:

Whilst 'collecting the food' (I went downstairs to get it even though they would come up to deliver it at the door), I took the time to call Max.

"Is he okay?"

"He's better, I've got us some food and I've convinced him to have a session with Kasper without Jon."

"I didn't even realise he was so stressed about that."

"I haven't spoken to him recently because he was avoiding me."

"Why was he avoiding you? Did you find out?"

"Because when he went golfing with Carlos, he got too scared and told Carlos about me being autistic instead because he thought it might make him brave enough to talk about the ADHD. But apparently it didn't work and he didn't end up telling him."

"Right and he's been eating himself up about it hasn't he?"

"Nah yeah, and I'm angry but I've compartmentalized it because he looks ill and now is not the time." I didn't mention the other reason I'd compartmentalized it. Because it was a trauma I hadn't yet worked through, hadn't breathed a word about and even if I wanted to, I'm not sure I could anymore.

"Do you think I should fly out?"

"Your choice and well maybe you should ask Lando?" I replied, knowing how much he was hating being treated like a kid and also totally understanding that frustration.

"I will do. We've got a lads holiday in a couple days and we're flying out from Monaco with him anyway, I'll just be a few days early."

"Okay. Are you with him now?" I explained the position I was in and promised to call back in a bit to speak with Lando as well.

I placed the food on the table and noticed the abandoned blanket on the sofa. He was in the bathroom and I took the moment to take a deep breath. I was angry, very angry. Upset and betrayed but maybe this was just how this situation was going to go. Carlos and I were friendly despite what people might think after that time we crashed and he blamed it on me (wrongly). But telling him I was autistic was something I thought I might get to do much later when he'd known about Lando's ADHD for a few months and things had been going well. To be the guinea pig was something I wasn't pleased about to put it politely. I'd been my own guinea pig before and suffered because of it.

Lando came out the bathroom, evidently crying and just hugged me immediately. His arms squeezed my chest tightly and it hurt slightly where my rib had been broken but I tried not to show it. "Lando, I'm not happy with you telling Carlos but I don't hate you."

"I just don't know why I did it, my brain does things before I even realise and I hate it."

"You've just got ADHD and you're letting yourself think it's all your fault when it isn't." I tapped his back, intending for it mean 'please let go, I want to eat'. But he didn't let go. I thought saying it verbally would just be better. "Lando, please let go, I want to eat."  But still, he didn't let go.

"No." He said, his face mushed into my shoulder. He was clinging on tightly and whilst it was a nice hug, I was getting quite hungry.

"Do you want to call Max? He wants to speak with you?"

"No."

"Lando please, we both need to eat and I promised Max we'd call. I'm not angry, I'm upset at your actions not you so please come on!" The mask was beginning to slip and I needed some time to settle.

"I'm sorry, please don't hate me."

"You're not listening. I don't hate you, please let go, I need a minute." He immediately let go, stepping back and looking at me. "I didn't realise you liked hugs that much, but give me a second. You eat, I'm going to the toilet.

Back in the bathroom to calm down. I thought I'd escaped this now but slowly, using the techniques I'd been using for years (and a couple Kasper had mentioned) I calmed down. The pain in the side of my chest and subsided and I could breathe properly again. As long as I didn't think about Alpine, I could breathe again.

Lando's POV:

I started eating, hoping Oscar was okay and actually didn't hate me. I texted Carlos whilst I waited. This was it, I couldn't hide being me anymore, not when it was just ruining everyone else's lives. I needed to suck it up and not be such a bitch.

'I shouldn't have told you about Oscar, it wasn't my place to say. I'm getting an ADHD diagnosis that's what I wanted to tell you but I was too scared. If you hate me, don't say it, just search it up or be nice. I'm sorry.'

I turned my phone off and put it on the side, face down, in the kitchen. The cracked case stared at me and I went back to my chicken nuggets and chips.

When Oscar returned from the bathroom, he did seem okay and sat opposite me to eat. "Can I call Max?" He asked and I nodded in reply.

"Oscar, hey. Are you with Lando now?"

"Hey." I said, chewing on a chip.

"Oh hey mate, is everything okay?"

"Sort of."

"Okay. I was thinking about coming out to Monaco earlier?"

"Mhm."

"Would that be okay? If I stayed with you for a couple days before we go away?"

"Yes please." I replied. It sounded strange but what I wanted to say was I need it. I needed someone to stay at the moment.

"Right, I'll get a flight out as soon as possible."

"See you soon."

"Alright cheers Oscar, I guess I'll see you out there."

"Yep!"

Oscar said goodbye and ended the call, looking at me again. "I'm sorry I messed up this evening too. I've told Carlos."

He choked on his food. "You've done what?!"

"I texted him and turned my phone off. I said I shouldn't have told him about you and I told him I'm getting an ADHD diagnosis."

"Right," Oscar blinked rapidly, "and you do that a lot? Impulsive things?"

"All the time, I hate it, I wish I could just make sensible, adult decisions but I always fuck it up. But I needed to do it because I can't keep messing up your life just because I can't accept mine."

"And you know that's an ADHD trait right?" I shook my head, a little ashamed. "This is why I told you to do research! And that is still no fucking excuse for telling Carlos, I'm annoyed about that but it's literally how your brain's built."

"Really?"

"Lando please, just humor me, watch one video about ADHD from a person with it and see how you feel. Look, use my phone!" He handed it over, open on youtube already. I searched up ADHD and Oscar scrolled down a bit, saying that those didn't look like what we wanted, then finally, he clicked on one and I turned up the volume.

10 minutes later, I was in tears again and once again, hugging Oscar. "I told you it would make a difference," he whispered, patting my back again. I just nodded.

A/n Hello! So excited for what else still yet to come with this story! Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed.