Blood Money (1) | The Inheritance Games

XXIV. you're not sorry

"You used to shine so bright, but I watched all of it fade."

Warning: This chapter contains some homophobia which can be upsetting. If this might be triggering for you, please feel free to skip this chapter and read the summary in the comments at the bottom.

Spencer — 2 years ago.

It was the summer of 2018. Jameson, Emily, Thea and I were all 15, Grayson was about to turn 16. Xander, Rebecca and Noah all hung out in Xander's lab because us older kids refused to talk to them. Thinking about it, saying older is a stretch because no more than a year or two separates us. But that's beside the point, we were the mature ones, they were the ones building robots and playing video games.

Emily, Thea and I were sitting in the treehouse somewhere in the middle of the woods, acting like queens and refusing to come down all day. Jameson and Grayson sitting opposite us, not realizing the way they were both admiring Emily. With a stash of cupcakes, chips and soda to keep us going for days.

I reached in for another chocolate icing cupcake, only for my hand to be gripped by the devil herself. "Don't you think two cupcakes is overkill?" Emily smirked knowingly at me.

I retracted my hand and adjusted myself, not letting her see me falter.

"I mean seriously, you've been devouring all this food like it'll run away. Calm down, save some for the rest of us." Emily complained.

The boys, being too blinded by the naive love they had for Emily, couldn't see the harassment coming my way, completely zoned out as they watched Emily divulge in her second cupcake.

Thea eyed me from across the small room, sympathetic face, but not brave enough to stand up to Queen Emily. If I had just a little more courage I'd have punched her. But I never was strong enough. I'd been manipulated by this girl for years, and I just kept letting her affect me.

When Emily died I promised myself I'd never let someone manipulate me the way she had. So I became meaner, sharper tongued and colder. I became the things I hated most about Emily, because nobody walked over her. But I now realize that acting strong and mean meant nothing if I wasn't actually cold on the inside. I still let Jenkins walk all over me just like Emily had. I still let Mom walk all over me. I let the girls at school walk all over me. But I'm still not brave enough to do anything. Emily's death ruined me. But not in the way it ruined Jameson, I never turned to alcohol or doing stupidly reckless things to numb the pain. But it also wasn't the way Grayson coped, unlike him I did actually get over her, I don't still see ghosts of her when I'm at my most vulnerable. For me, Emily didn't ruin me by dying, she ruined me all during the time she was alive. She tore me apart until I couldn't take anymore. She convinced me it was normal for girls to not eat, and to shove my fingers down my throat. She ruined me and the moment she died I had to rebuild myself to how I was before she had got to me, but the truth was I didn't remember who I was before Emily. So I ended up becoming what I loathed, her.

"I invited my boyfriend. Hope you don't mind." I chirped sheepishly.

"Tristan? God he's so gay." Emily whined. "What?" I yelped defensively. "Your boyfriend likes dick just as much as you do." She giggled.

"Don't be mean! He's not gay." I assured her.

Looking back, I realize she was 100% right, but I also now realize that she didn't say that because she thought it, she said it like an insult. She didn't say it to warn me or anything, it was because she wanted to get to me.

Tristan climbed through the trap door, nodding to Jameson and Grayson in that boy way. Then he sat behind me with his arms wrapped around my stomach.

"Okay guys. Truth or drink." Emily sung excitedly, bringing out a bottle of vodka she hid in her bag.