What Was Always Mine

Always 21

Always 21

"I like you, Raia..."

I went silent. I was in pure shock that I couldn't even move a muscle in my body. It was very... unexpected.

I saw how his Adam's apple bobbed up and down as he continued, "Ngunit hindi dapat. Hindi nararapat na maramdaman ko ito lalo na't alam kong sa una pa lang ay may gusto na ang kaibigan ko sa'yo. I knew because he broke the band's sacred rule."

My chest tightened as I stared into his sad eyes. "Pero hindi ko pa rin na-kontrol ang sarili ko. I still went for it. I befriended you because I wanted to get to know you more, to be close to you, and to be around you freely."

"Umasa pa rin talaga ako na magustuhan mo ako pabalik kahit alam kong imposible dahil nakita ko kung paano ka tumingin sa kaniya at alam kong unti-unti ka nang nahuhulog sa kaniya. Ako nga ang kasama mo palagi pero 'yung utak mo ay siya naman ang laman, hindi mo na nga lang napapansin na siya na pala ang bukambibig mo." He chuckled, kaagad na uminit ang mga pisngi ko.

He was laughing and smiling... but I knew that he was hurting inside. His eyes would never lie. Kada salitang lumalabas sa bibig niya ay tumatagos sa puso ko.

"Simula sa araw na tinanong mo ako kung ano 'yung mga signs na nahuhulog ka na sa isang tao... I already raised my white flag. I already knew who it was and that someone clearly isn't me... and it will never be me. Tanggap ko na iyon sa simula pa lang pero wala, e... sumige pa rin ako. I still took the risk even if I knew that in the end, it will eventually destroy me."

I teared up. "Sylus..."

He slowly shook his head as he cupped my cheeks and wiped my tears using his thumb. "Please don't cry. Sinasabi ko sa'yo lahat ng 'to, hindi umaasa na magkaroon ng pagkakataon kundi para mawala kahit papaano itong bigat sa dibdib ko. I don't want to hide it anymore. I just want you to know how I feel towards you and that I'm not expecting anything in return."

He heaved a deep sigh. "Narinig ko 'yung lahat kanina at masaya ako dahil sa wakas, hindi na rin kayo in denial sa nararamdaman niyo para sa isa't-isa." Bahagya siyang natawa. "Sana lang talaga ay hindi niya sayangin 'yung pagkakataong binigay mo sa kaniya... pero alam ko namang malabong mangyari iyon."

I hugged him tightly. "I'm sorry, Sylus... I'm sorry if I can't love you back-"

"Hush." he whispered, hinagod niya naman 'yung likuran ko. "Hindi mo kasalanan... wala kang kasalanan, okay? Don't apologize and don't be guilty. Kagaya ng sinabi ko, I just wanted to let you know."

I slowly nodded. Kumawala din kaagad siya sa yakap. He smiled. "Stop crying. Baka suntukin ako bigla no'n dahil pinaiyak kita!"

"Gago!" I punched his arm and he dramatically reacted which made me laugh a little.

"I hope things between us will still be the same, Raia. Sana walang awkwardness na mabuo kahit alam ko namang hindi malabong mangyari iyon." Mapait siyang ngumiti. "These feelings will fade eventually, I promise you..." He said, wiping my tears for the last time.

As days passed after that heartfelt conversation, we went on with being friends like nothing had ever happened. Palagi pa rin akong inaasar ni Sylus kaya halos wala ring namuong awkward moments sa aming dalawa. And I'm super thankful.

He is a great friend, indeed.

And I really hope that nothing will ever change.

Nagsisiksikan na ngayon sa cafeteria, paano ba kasi ay may sinagutan kaming activity tapos natagalan ako kaya naman halos wala na ring mauupuan! Malas naman!

I roamed my eyes around, hoping to see a familiar face.

"Moriah,"

Nagulat ako nang biglang may tumawag sa pangalan ko at may mainit na palad ang dumampi sa palapulsuhan ko. I turned around and saw Sievan who's standing right infront of me with his other hand in his pocket.