Heart Of Stone

Chapter Four

VAGGIE'S POV
I lay on the ground feeling helpless. There is a blade pressed against my throat. I try to scream but I can't, instead I let out whimpers of fear and pain as the blade is pushed deeper into my neck.
"Sinful filth like you has no place in Heaven." Her voice... Lute's voice... She moves her blade and cuts off my wings and gouges out my eye. God it hurts like a bitch. I start bleeding out. Lute leaves me alone in the alley, probably to let me die.
By this point I'm aware I'm having the same nightmare that's haunted me for the past three years. But this time was different. Usually the dream ends with her just leaving me behind. But this time it's continuing. I lay there feeling all my strength draining, thinking that at any moment Charlie will find me and take me in. But no one comes. I feel my soul slipping... And that's when I wake up.
I bolt upright breathing hard trying desperately to control the trembling of what seems like every inch of my body. And then I see her, my princess, my Morningstar. She's sleeping soundly and looks peaceful. I remind myself I'm not in Heaven anymore. I'm in a place that I truly belong. A place with people that don't treat me like shit every single day. A place that I'm loved.
Charlie wakes up then and rolls onto her side to face me. "Vaggie, is everything alright?" She blinks up at me sleepily.
"Yes mi amor, everything is fine." I try to make my words convincing but am finding it difficult.
"Nightmare?" Her voice is gentle and filled with worry.
I nod. "Yeah, but it's ok. It was just a dream."
My girlfriend sits up and gently puts her arm around my shoulder. I relax into her warm and familiar touch. I will never understand how I got so lucky to have her as mine.
We sit there in the quietness of our bedroom for a while before she finally speaks.
"You tell me you have this nightmare a lot... but you never tell me what it's about. Maybe it would help to do so? I mean, I won't force you obviously. I love you and if you're not comfortable talking about it then that is totally fine by me."
I take a deep breath thinking maybe she's right. "Okay... I guess I can tell you. You know how I'm an ex exorcist?"
"Yeah." She looks into my eyes. I can tell by the look on her face that she's intently listening to what I have to say.
"Well, when I was cast out of Heaven, it was by the hand of Lute."
"The one Adam was with during the last extermination?"
I nod and continue. "She and I used to be close when I worked with her. And when I spared a sinner child during my last extermination as an exorcist, she was the one who took my wings and eye."
"I had no idea you and her were close."
"We were. It hurt, beyond physiical aspects I mean. It was like being betrayed by a best friend."
"Wow... I'm so sorry to hear that Vaggie."
"It's not your fault mi princesa, it was a long time ago. But anyways, the nightmare consists of when she cast me out and left me to die. But it got worse tonight. Do you remember how you found me in that alleyway?"
"Yeah, of course I do. That was the first time I set eyes on the love of my life."
I feel my cheeks start to burn as a blush spreads across my face. "Oh Charlie..." I laugh a little and keep telling her the events of the nightmare. "The dream ends with me dying alone in that alley. You never showed, no one did. I was abandoned..."
Charlie was silent for a few minutes. "Well first of all, thank you for trusting me with this information. I know it must be really hard for you to talk about your past."
"It is." I admit looking down. She had a point. I hated talking about my life as an Exorcist. I'm not proud of it.

She gently touches my arm and I move my hand to take hers. I feel her squeeze my hand and I start to let myself relax.
"My other thing is, you didn't die alone. I couldn't have just left you out there you know. Vaggie, you mean everything to me and no matter what they may have told you up there, you are worth so much. I may not have known that you were an angel for some time, but angel or not, you are still my partner. We work as a team. We always have. And we always will. And I am never, ever leaving you. You don't deserve to be alone. And you will never be alone again."
I let what she says sink in and blink hard, suddenly overcome with emotions.
"I love you my Morningstar. More than anything. Thank you. You quite literally saved my life. I... I have no idea where I would be without you. You've shown me love that I've never felt from anyone before."
"It was the least I could do. I love you too." She rests her hand on my cheek and kisses me gently. I feel myself getting lost in the kiss as all my problems melt away.
A few minutes go by with the world just being Charlie and I. We pull away from each other and I notice a far away look in her eyes.
"Mi amor? What are you thinking about?"
"Do you think Pen made it to Heaven?"
I think about what I say next. I firmly believe in making Charlie's dreams come true no matter the circumstances. But on the other hand, we have no proof that redemption is possible.
"I think it could be a possibility. He did pass heroicly. I have no doubt that if it is possible for him to get up there, that is where he is."
This seemed to calm her a little. I gently stroke her hair.
"I just wish we knew for sure. He definitely deserves a spot up there..."
"I know babe, and I believe that with your help, he just might be there. It's just hard to get Heaven to communicate things like that. You know how most of them feel about the Hotel."
"I know." She lets out a soft sigh.
"We will figure all of this out babe. We'll get through this together. I promise you that," I glance at the clock and see that it's almost three in the morning, "We should try to get some sleep. It's late and don't we have some trust exercises to run tomorrow?"
Charlie's eyes light up at the mention of the exercises. "We do! You're right!"
We lay back down and she cuddles into my side. I wrap an arm around her, holding her as close as possible. Feeling comforted by her presence, I fall into a peaceful sleep, knowing that my princess is safe.

LUTE'S POV
I wake alone in my room. It's the next morning after Emily and I talked. Emily... God I wish my mind would stop thinking about her. Who cares if last night was the most validated I've felt since Adam died? Maybe I didn't tell her shit about what's going on inside my head, but that's honestly for the better. I can't let her get too close. She's too innocent to be mixed in with my lifestyle.
Adam would be so disappointed in me if he learned that I might like Emily. He'd probably even laugh at me. What if she gets too close and I lose her as well? I can't bare the thought of it. I shut my eyes tight feeling tears starting to form.
"God Lute just get your shit together already." I mutter to myself as I get up and start getting ready for the day. Why does this whole grief shit have to be so damn difficult. I sigh knowing I have hours of training I have to lead today. I consider letting my army take a break for today but then realize doing so would make me look weak. That is the last damn thing I need right now. I never take a day off. Why do so now?
I go out to the training area to meet my exorcists. I send them on their way to work on their techniques and battle strategies. I walk around checking what they are doing. For some reason if they are messing up it's pissing me off more than it usually would.
"God can't you do a single damn thing right?!" I snap at a group of my girls who are working with weaponry.
"Okay, that is enough from you Lieutenant." The High Seraphim is suddenly at my side. She looks around at my army after getting their attention. "You are all dismissed for the rest of today. I need a word with your leader."
As the Exorcists depart, Sera guides me to a bench and sits down with me. It's the same bench where I sat with Emily a few days ago.
"Lute, what has gotten you so out of sorts? It is unlike you to snap this much at your Exterminators."
I feel my guard rise as she speaks to me. "It's nothing Your Highness. I assume it's just an off day. I do appologize."
"It's quite alright, I just didn't know if it had anything to do with the loss of your former leader."
There is no way in Heaven I'm having this conversation with the High Seraphim. This is none of her business.
"No ma'am. Like I said, it's just an off day." I try to keep the annoyance out of my voice to remain respectful.
Sera nods at me before standing. "Alright then. Take it easy today and we can try again tomorrow. I recommend trying to get some rest, you look exhausted." She teleports away without another glance.
I catch myself thinking how I wish Emily were here. She'd know how to comfort me. I rub my face. Heavens I must be exhausted if I'm thinking bullshit like that. The truth is, Adam would do the same. He used to know how to cheer me up even after the longest of days. I can't let him down now. After everything he's done for me, I can't let our mission fall apart because of my selfish longing for him. I have to keep going for him. For us... And I can't let my stupid emotions lure me astray from reality. I can't be with a girl. I can't break the rules of Heaven. I have an image to uphold and being with Emily is not part of that image.