Déjà Vu

Chapter 9

The crowd was cheering and the loud clapping woke me from my well known trance I was in,  when I sang my song. I bowed but couldn't bring myself to smile. Questions were overrunning my mind. They kept me awake the whole night. Why did he stand in front of my door? Why did he leave when I opened it? Why did he ignore my texts? I knew exactly we had to be careful now when we wanted to talk but nobody would read our chats. So why didn't he just answer them? I turned around and left the stage. Angelina came up to me and patted my shoulder. When I was at the hospital I told her and Joost everything what was going on between me and Marko. She knew about his strange leaving the other day because I went to her room right after. We just met not long ago but she could already tell when I wasn't feeling very well. "Where is Joost? Doesn't he have to perform today?", I asked her and she shrugged her shoulders. "Don't ask me because I have no idea. He should have already arrived yesterday but he didn't" Her explanation made me nervous. Did something happen to him? Suddenly we heard heavy breathing and a loud crashing noise afterwards. Everyone in the backstage turned around with wide eyes. A scoff left my mouth when I saw nobody other than Joost lying on the floor on his stomach. He groaned and picked up his glasses that flew through the air when he fell. Apson appeared behind him with his usual bird costume on. "I think I never saw him without that costume", I whispered to Angelina which made her giggle. Joost pulled himself up very slowly and when he caught sight of Apson, we could see his anger building up. He was nearly shaking when he suddenly ran to him. Apson's eyes were full of fear. It looked like everything happened in slow motion: Apson started running, Joost behind him, Joost jumped, Apson screamed, Joost and Apson fell, Apson kicked Joost, Joost kicked back, Peter came,  pulled them apart, boom. Peter got hit and stumbled back. Every one's eyes grew even wider than before. I covered my open mouth with my hand. Joost and Apson looked up, clearly frightened. Suddenly Joost's name was called. He smiled brightly because that was his salvation from Peter. He quickly got up and ran up the stairs to the stage. Apson followed him briefly. Angelina and I looked back to Peter whose face was cherry-like red. I wasn't very sure if he was just embarrassed or furious. He kept his gaze on the floor where Joost and Apson were lying two minutes ago, his mimic was disturbed, like he had never been hit before. I giggled quietly but since the previous silence was still existent, it was well-heard. Peter's eyes snapped up and locked with mine. I gasped because he looked even more furious but somehow I felt proud of that. Now it was time for him to feel embarrassed since he always made fun of me because of that one incident. I snarled which made him narrow his eyebrows. "Wow, I never knew you could be mean", Angelina claimed and chuckled. My smile faded when suddenly that one person appeared who kept me awake all night. Marko didn't even look at me, he just passed by me and kept his gaze forward. My heart clenched. It felt so bad, I had the feeling I had to throw up. I couldn't take it anymore, so I approached him with a fast pace and turned him around by his shoulder. "What is wrong?! You ignored my texts, showed up in front of my door all of a sudden and then you leave without an explanation! So tell me: What. is. wrong?!", I shouted but with a quiet volume, so that nobody would have given us attention. The conversations had continued since Paul had left the backstage. Marko didn't look me in the eyes, he just kept lowering his gaze. "Marko, look at me!" Finally he did but his mimic was empty and cold, it made me shiver. Why did he look at me like that? "What is wrong with you?", my voice was only a whisper, my eyes full of desperation and curiosity. Maybe I did just imagine it but there was a hint of sadness behind that empty glare. "Stay away from me." That was it. Tears gathered in my eyes. It felt like he stabbed me with a knife directly into my heart. "What?", I whimpered quietly. "I said stay away from me", he repeated himself. I whished I didn't hear him correctly but that was what he said and he probably meant it very seriously. I stumbled back, the tears were now rolling across my cheeks to my neck. Whining left my mouth. Joost's performance was over, so Marko climbed up the stairs onto the stage and left me standing there without a doubt. "Wasn't my performance the be- Celestia? Are you okay?" I didn't even notice Joost approaching me since my vision became so blurry. I silently shook my head and buried my face into his chest. He immediately wrapped his arms around me. "Let's get outta here", he said and guided me outside. I was really grateful in that moment that I already had my performance. When we arrived at a hidden bench outside of the arena, I finally pulled away from him. I could feel my sticky mascara being all over my face. I felt dirty, anxious and betrayed. "Okay, Celestia. Stop crying! Whatever it is, it can't be that bad and it can surely be fixed", he said while he wiped away some of the smeared mascara. I sighed and looked down on my hands. They were shaking somehow. He was right. It wasn't actually that bad, he was just a man. Just a man that wasted my time... "No...that's not true...", I whispered to myself, not even realizing that I have said it out loud. "He's not just a man. He is THE man. The man, I thought that was mine." It was like Joost had the ahh-effect because he looked like he clearly understood what I meant then. "Listen to me: He is THE man, YOUR man for sure. Can't you just open your eyes and finally see reality? He loves you, man!", he claimed with raised hands and a bright mimic. "Well...He can't be mine since he just told me to stay away from him." My voice was quiet and I felt a strange pressure in my throat that made it hard for me to keep away the upcoming tears. Joost's eyes widened. He wanted to put his hand in front of his open mouth but stopped mid act. He clearly didn't want to show his shock but I knew his behaviour too good to know that he surely was surprised by my statement. "Did he say...why?", Joost carefully asked but I shook my head. Suddenly he jumped up with a loud scream which made me wince. What was now going on?! "What is it?!", I shouted and looked around for a bug or something that could have scared him. I really wasn't a fan of bugs so I searched very intensely for one before Joost grabbed my wrist and pulled me up with a force out of nowhere. "Joost, what the hell is it?!", I asked him again nervously. Carefully I stumbled away from the bench in case there was a snake or a huge spider. Joost's breath was unregular and it seemed like he was struggling to spit out the words. "JOOST, TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON! YOU SCARE ME!" "I HEARD MARKO TALKING TO HIS MANAGER ABOUT YOU!" My eyebrows narrowed and I gave him a confused glare. I had to admit that I was pretty relieved that there was no bug or a snake but my curiosity was raising. "What do you mean?", I asked. "Yesterday, I wanted to visit you at your hotel room since I got put into another hotel to sleep in. Well... I couldn't even get to your room because Marko was already standing in front of it. He had something in his hand but I couldn't identify it. It must have been small since he played around with it while mumbling something to himself-" "Joost get to the point!" It made sense that he got put into another hotel since we didn't see him the whole other day but I was too curious about what Marko said to his manager about me, so I cut his word. "Okay, okay. Well, before he could knock at your door, his manager approached him. That lady really looked furious. She looked like a dragon..." "Joost! Concentrate!", I yelled and he scratched the back of his head with an innocent smile. "I hid behind a corner, so I couldn't hear them pretty well but I understood the context." My eyes were wide because of the desperation and need to know, what the conversation was about. "It was about the rumours that say you both are dating." My heart made a jump. "She was very angry with him, told him he was careless and imprudent with his actions. She told him to stay away from you. He fought it off at first but something changed his mind... I remember her saying anything to him that made him think about it, before she left. I couldn't hear what it was but it was serious. When you told me that he said you should stay away from him, it reminded me of that conversation. And that could be the reason, Celestia! I think he just tries to protect you!" My eyes lit up and I started jumping out of happiness and relief. Was that really the reason? My smile faded again, thinking about other possible reasons or that it was still his decision and knowing it, wouldn't change anything. I sat down on the bench again and buried my face into my thighs. "Why are you sad? He doesn't hate you like you thought he would. He probably really loves you, so why the long face?", Joost asked confused. "Joost... Knowing the reason doesn't change anything. It was his choice and-" He cut of my words by a light scream. "Excuse me?! Knowing the reason changes everything! There is hope and you should fight for it. If there is one thing to learn about men, then it is to never let them make the important decisions!" He pulled me up on my feet again and pressed his hands on each side of my shoulders. "I want you to go to YOUR man and fight for YOUR man! NOW!" Joost pushed me forward and I stumbled. Was it really worth it to fight for him. I mean, was my answer on Rosanne's question, when we were calling, actually the right one? Was it the one, how I really felt about us? My sudden ambition was back. I gave Joost a slight smile and then started running back into the arena. The performances were over and most of the people were already gone, except one exact person who was sitting on the edge of the stage with his gaze directed to the floor. It was none other than...Marko Purišić.

Author's note

I'm so sorry for letting y'all wait for this chapter soo long! I was very busy currently, so I apologise. This chapter wasn't that interesting again but I promise: the next chapter will be!
Stay tuned,guys!