Déjà Vu

Chapter 10

He didn't spot me when I approached him. My heart was still clenching and my mind racing. What if he really just wanted me to stay away from him. Bad assumptions made their way back to my thoughts. Suddenly I tripped over a step which caused a well-heard noise. I pressed my eyes and lips together, too frightened to look up. I was really sure he heard and already caught sight of me. When I finally opened my eyes again, I noticed that he hadn't even turned around. He definitely knew I was coming, he knew it was me... With slow steps I got closer and closer to him until I was standing about a meter behind him. "I told you to stay away from me." His raspy voice made me wince. It didn't sound like him. It was whether his beautiful, sweet voice, nor his raspy voice he always sang with. It sounded broken and unalive. How did it all change so fast? When did that all happen? "I'm not staying away from you", I said with a steady tone. I knew exactly what I wanted. "Then I go." He stood up, pulled his sweater's hood over his head and took the stairs down the stage. I immediately reacted and followed him in a fast pace. With a hard grip I grabbed his sweater and stopped him from moving. "Marko, I know you do this because you want to keep us safe but what is security without taking the risk to stay with the person you...love?", I hesitated on saying the word out loud but it was necessary and it felt good,...no, it felt amazing. Marko froze in place. He still stood with his back turned to me but I felt him shaking beneath the sweater. "I don't care about the people. I don't care about what they say and what they assume to know. Marko, I lov-" Before I could finish my sentence, he turned around and put his hand over my mouth. My eyes widened when I saw the tears in his eyes. He obviously had cried and that made my heart shatter to pieces. This time he didn't look away and I knew the following words would be honest. "We can't do that, Celestia. You lose everything you built up yourself and I can't let that happen. So I rather stay away from you, than destroying your dream", he whispered under heavy breathing. He was about to cry again. He pressed his eyes together and put his hand onto the bridge of his nose. Slowly I took his hand from my mouth and removed the other one from his face. He completely gave in which proved his weakness in that moment. "I have a lot of dreams. If you can't be with me when I make this one dream come true, then I don't want it. So stop crying", I breathed and wiped the tears gently off his cheeks. He calmed down immediately, my close presence distracted him. "Let me see those beautiful eyes" I smiled slightly when he looked at me but something changed. I spotted an emotion inside of them. An emotion that I couldn't identify. "I couldn't stay away from you even if I want to. Celestia, you make me feel things I never felt before. I know, that sounds dramatic but it's the truth. I never felt that way. I imagine things doing to you, things that I shouldn't even think about. My heart speeds up every time I see you. My body wants to be close to you, as close as possible. When I hear you sing, I can feel your pain and when you talk to me, I lose myself in your eyes. I dream about you and it's like I've known you before I even met you. It's like a Déjà-vu. That's why I was so desperate on knowing what you meant in the hospital. God, Celestia. I want to forget you but I can't because deep inside, my soul tells me that you mean too much to me to just be able to lose my memory about you, about us." Everything that he said to me, every word and every letter made my pulse rise, made my thoughts go crazy and it made my heart jump out of my chest. Did he really- "Celestia" My eyes snapped up again. Silence. It was so silent that I could hear our heartbeats. Seconds passed,...a minute passed... and he just kept looking at me and I kept searching for a continuation inside of his eyes. Both of his iris's switched to my right and to my left eye. "I love you." I couldn't even realise what he just said and my body couldn't react fast enough before he grabbed my chin and put his lips on mine. I gasped but I immediately closed my eyes. Something definitely exploded inside of me by the way I felt in that moment. A swarm of butterflies flew around in my stomach which gave me a goosebump. His lips were insanely soft and they tasted a little bit salty because of the dried tears. With his right hand he still held my chin and with the left one he grabbed my hair and pulled me closer into the kiss. That action made me groan. He grinned into the kiss and pulled me even closer. My hands rested on his chest and I could feel his racing heart underneath. The rhythm, we were moving our lips with, was slow and gentle but also full of longing. I couldn't get enough of him but when he started roaming over my body, I pulled away. Our breaths were loud and heavy and I could see the lust in his eyes. My hands were still resting on his chest and our faces just inches apart. "Not here", I whispered breathy between our lips. He nodded dizzy with half open eyes and an open red tinted mouth. I chuckled quietly before I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him into a hug. "I love you, too", I breathed into his ear, feeling him smile.