Déjà Vu

Chapter 5

"Why do I have the feeling you planned on avoiding me", Marko broke the silence when we were on our way to a nearby café. "I still do obviously." It was hard keeping a straight face because that answer was actually so sassy. "Did I do something wrong?", he asked and looked at me with his puppy eyes. "Umm...no." His mimic was confused and his eyebrows narrowed. Why did he look so adorable when he did that? The corners of my mouth twitched upwards but I held the smile in. I remembered the embarrassment when I blamed him for making use of my drunkenness and when I told him that I was still a virgin. Why the fuck did I tell him that?! I mean, yes, I was frustrated but why would you have told him such an information about you, Celestia?! Marko noticed that I was lost in thoughts. "I did something, right? Please, tell me." I turned my head towards him and laughed. I simply laughed without hesitation. "What is so funny?" Now he was even more confused than before. "Oh, Marko. You're so innocent. You didn't do anything wrong, but I did. I embarrass myself over and over again. I can't do it anymore so I thought maybe I can spare you, so I planned on avoiding you. It didn't work pretty well because otherwise I wouldn't be going to a café together with you", I explained. His eyes focused on mine and I couldn't really interpret his reaction. There was no reaction, actually. I didn't notice we were already in front of the café until he turned away and opened the door. The sudden loss of connection through our eyes made me tremble. We made our way to the woman behind the counter whose eyes widened when she caught sight of us. She looked very overwhelmed, I kind of felt sorry for our sudden appearance. All at once she ran back into a small room that was right beside the counter and stayed there for a couple of seconds. I gave Marko a what-is-going-on look but he just shrugged his shoulders. I felt the eyes of the costumers on me. A younger woman, probably around twenty-five, came out of the room, followed by the woman from earlier. "I apologize for my mother's weird behavior. She can't speak English, that's why she panicked." The mother nodded with a bright smile. "Okay, so what can I offer you two? We're really grateful you've decided to visit our café", the young woman said. "It's a pleasure to be here. We just needed some time for ourselves. I'll take a Latte Macchiato Caramel and Marko...?" I looked questioningly at him. "I would like an Espresso", he replied. Wow, I didn't expect him to drink something bitter. Didn't he tell me he preferred sweet drinks? Marko noticed my confused gaze and chuckled. We sat down on a table right beside the big window and after a few minutes Arianne, the mother, brought us our drinks. I watched Marko taking a sip from his coffee. His lips parted and some of the hot liquid remained there after he put the cup down again. His tongue licked over his lips which were stained red because of the heat. He cursed quiet because he burnt himself. Before I noticed my staring, Marko's eyes wandered to mine and caught me. The right corner of his mouth raised into a smirk. Oh, no. "You really ask yourself why I drink something bitter, right?" I exhaled loudly out of relief. Of course, that was the reason why I stared at his lips. Why else? I laughed nervously and nodded. "Since you like bitter drinks, I thought I should get used to it", he explained. I raised my eyebrow confused. "Why would you have to get used to it?", I asked. "Because I want to adapt to my friends." I didn't reply to that statement. He saw me as a friend? Why did I not like the imagination of being his friend,...only his friend. "You don't have to adapt to others. Just be yourself", I answered briefly, directing my gaze outside. A lot of people were walking on the streets. Many of them wore a bikini top even though it wasn't very hot today. I still felt Marko's eyes on me. He sighed. "You're right but I have to admit that this Espresso doesn't taste bad, I like it. And I like you." My eyes quickly looked into his direction again. Did he just say he liked me? Did he mean it as a friend? Probably... I didn't know what to say, I felt overwhelmed. "Thank you" was my only answer.

We were silently drinking from our cups and didn't exchange a word. First, the silence felt pretty weird but after a while I started to enjoy it. Every now and then I glanced at him briefly and then he caught me, our eyes connected and my heart moved faster. "We should go. I'm hungry and the cafeteria isn't open forever", I said, breaking the silent atmosphere. "You're right", he answered and gave me a quick smile. We stood up and left the café because we already paid for our drinks. On our way back to the hotel I cleared my throat. Even though I liked the silence from before, I had the strong urge to finally talk to him: "I really liked your performance at the pre-party. Your voice is so strong and powerful." His lips parted but he didn't say anything. Did I surprise him with that compliment? He smiled shyly and mumbled a "thank you". "I liked yours, too. I watched you." What did he mean with "he watched me"? "Your eyes were closed most of the time. I could see that you really felt that song", he added and looked to the ground. I nodded silently. He was right. "Everytime I sing this song...it feels like I'm experiencing the same situation again. It hurts but it also gives me the feeling of strength...that no matter how often it tries to hurt me, I'm surviving." My father's smiling face appeared in front of my eyes. I knew I would never get over the loss but I also knew that it wouldn't break me, like it broke me back then, again. Marko's soft eyes looked at me worried but comforting. His hand touched mine and my breath hitched. It was just a light touch but it made my heart pounding really hard in my chest. I removed my hand so that such thing couldn't happen again. I truly was too close to him, not that it bothered me but I didn't want him to feel uncomfortable.