❝you're in danger here, spencer.❞
❝we'll worry about that later. right now all that matters is you and me.❞
hazel finley is afraid. afraid of being alone. afraid of losing the people she loves. afraid of making mistakes. afraid of falling back into...
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❝Nothing stands still, except in our memory.❞
PHILIPPA PEARCE
✩
3.7 : real home
"IT'S JUST HOW I REMEMBER IT." These are the first words out of Fin's mouth as she stands on the sidewalk, hands on her hips, squinting through the bright Mississippi sunlight at the house she grew up in. She's surprised the house hasn't changed at all, but then again, not many people want to touch a house formerly owned by a serial killer.
"The realtor said there's only been one other tenant," says Lars, shutting the car door behind her. "Only lived there for two years until his dad died, and then he moved back to Jackson to be with his mom. Other than that, it's been pretty much untouched."
Fin thought she'd feel more sentimental, looking at her childhood home for the first time in fourteen years, but all she feels is a gentle joy as the memories–only good ones–flood back like a soft ocean tide.
Hotch is being extremely strict about the Bureau's recovery policy, so Fin is currently looking at six more months out of the field–not out of the office, but no exciting agent things–unless Hotch miraculously becomes the cool parent and not the dad who enforces a nine p.m. curfew. Which, as anyone could tell you, is highly unlikely. But Fin can hope.
Despite this, she's still been consulting on cases remotely, and next month, she'll be allowed to travel with the team, which is exciting. She's missed flying on the jet, and Spencer being gone for weeks at a time is really depressing.
But Fin is using her time wisely. She's found a therapist she really likes, and slowly, at her own pace, they've been working on unpacking everything that's happened to her in the past sixteen years. Anna is kind and doesn't push too hard, and Fin always leaves their sessions feeling refreshed, rather than exhausted.
Anna is the main reason why Fin believes she doesn't feel any sadness as she and Lars walk toward their old home. She's been helping Fin to focus on the goodness and love she felt as a child from her father and Ollie, and to recognize that what happened shaped her past, but that it does not have to shape her future.
She's also partially why Fin is taking the weekend to help Lars clean and paint their old house to get it ready to become the Cameron House. Fin wants a role in turning something ugly and dark into something beautiful, and there's nothing she'd rather do this weekend than paint over old scars with her sister.
And as Fin pushes the door open and hears the hinges creak, just like they did fourteen years ago, she smiles widely. She remembers when Oliver first went to kindergarten, and she sat in front of the door for hours, waiting for him to come home, begging their mother to let her go, too. She remembers her first day at kindergarten, coming up the front steps and seeing Lars doing the same thing. She remembers sitting on the porch, playing with homemade slingshots, betting Oliver that she could knock more rocks off the railing than he could.
