Staring Over

Chapter 4

I had been at my grandparents for a couple of weeks now and it was still a shock to live without having to wake up at 4:30 every morning to clean the house, take care of a newborn, cook breakfast and clean the kitchen, do whatever homework I didn't finish the night before, get my baby brother to his grandparents then go to school. I knew it would take time and thankfully my grandparents gave me space and time while I learned that I didn't have to clean and take care of everything all the time, although they made sure I knew how they felt about the way I dressed and music I listened to frequently.

The trailer next door to them was empty for some time so I used that as a way to get away from everyone. There I could write everything I was feeling and thinking down without feeling judged. I could listen to my music without judgment. I could just be myself. It was a freedom I never had. I loved that trailer, it was my sanctuary away from everyone.

And then one day my grandparents told me that I needed to go next door and help our new neighbors move in. I was completely shocked and dumbfounded. That was my escape and now they were telling me someone was taking that away from me? Like hell I wanted to go help them.

But to stop the damn bugging, I rolled my eyes and stormed over to what once used to be my sanctuary. The door was open so I knocked and heard a female call in the back, "Hello."

My brother that my grandparents raised practically from birth was right behind me and shoved me inside mumbling to go in. I almost tripped over my Tripp pants straps that criss crossed behind my legs, threw him a glare as I straightened, and began walking toward the noise. My bracelets that covered my fishnet arms barely clinked together since they were a mix of plastic bands and cuffs with spikes on them.

"Who the fuck are you?"

I snap out of my thoughts as a teenage boy around my age glares at me from the room that I once used to escape reality. His sneer at me made me want to roll my eyes. I knew exactly what he was thinking.

"Someone who clearly doesn't want to be here but is being forced to," I sneer back as I cross my arms over my chest.

"We live next door," my brother replies as I glare at him. "Our grandparents told us to come help."

"Well I don't need your help," the teenage boy says, clearly pissed off.

"Good," I scoff, "because I wasn't going to do anything anyway."

"Don't touch any of my shit you Gothic freak."

"Yeah, like I want your fake country ass, Eminem look-a-like shit near me," I roll my eyes.

"Fucking bitch," he glares.

"Asshole," I throw right back.

"Suicidal freak," he retorts.

I narrow my eyes, "Wannabe thug," I reply back.

"Enough," A woman says from the doorway startling me. "If you don't want to be here you are more than welcome to leave."

Taking the escape, I glare at my brother and rush past the older woman I am assuming is his mother and out the front door. Taking a deep breath, I jump down the three steps and start walking down the road.

I needed to think, no one had ever cared to get in my face and make themselves clear in their thoughts about me other than my family. What was weirder was that he seemed to actually be enjoying throwing words back and forth.

Pushing him from my thoughts, I kept walking down the road until I could no longer feel anything inside and then I turned around and started walking back. Just when I was about to reach my grandparents' house I felt a tingle on my neck and a tightening in my stomach. Something wasn't right. I glanced around and internally huffed while rolling my eyes. On the neighbor's porch stood the asshole leaning against the railing smoking a cigarette staring right at me. Seriously, his parents knew he smoked and he had to be 17 or so? How could they be okay with that or did they just not care? And why was he staring at me anyway?

Rolling my eyes, I flipped him off then walked into my grandparents house and went straight to my room, ignoring their questions. Turning on KoRn, I grabbed my notebook and began writing the first thing that popped into my head. It didn't matter to me if it made sense, it wasn't like anyone was going to read any of it. When I could no longer hold the pen up, I ripped all the pages from the notebook and headed to the burn barrel. Tossing some sticking and empty paper in, I grabbed the lighter from my pocket and watched as the fire grew. When it was where I wanted it, I tossed the pages in and watched them crinkle and burn then watched as the flakes floated into the sky. There was that feeling again. Without moving, I glanced out of my peripheral and sure enough he had moved to the part of the porch where he could watch me and lit another cigarette.

Rolling my eyes, I tossed my black hair over my shoulder, muttered "Psychotic ass," and went back inside to lose myself to KoRn.