Oh For The Love Of Halstead

The Good and Bad Moments

6 months later and I still couldn't get the thought out of my mind,

What if I'd handled it differently?

Everyone had already left it in the past but I just couldn't, I couldn't leave it alone. How could I? It was my fault and I couldn't just forget that.

"Hey, Voight wants me to take you to your appointment." Atwater said tapping the notepad that reminded me of my appointment. I gave him a smile and grabbed my things.

I knew everyone was just looking out for me but somehow it felt like they only did it because they didn't trust me. Especially Voight and Will. Although Will wasn't here, he still called at least 5 times a day.

Atwater brought me to med to see Dr. Charles, and the moment I walked in I could see Will giving me a sad but reassuring smile. Atwater stayed with my until Dr. Charles was done and could see me, it was nice if him but slightly annoying at the same time.

"How have you been y/n?" He asked as I sat down. "I don't know, I guess I'm doing better than the last time we met." That was a lie. It felt like things were getting worse.

"Y/n. It's okay if your still hurting. No one would blame you." I heard what he said but my mind immediately moved his words away and replaced them with others.

It's all you. This is all your fault! You could have done better! If you hadn't been so dumb she wouldn't be dead!

"I know. Really I'm doing better. Even if it's not by much. Progress is progress, right?" He gave me that concerned look everyone had been giving me. "Can you walk me through what happened that day?"

FLASHBACK

We finally found the creep we'd been following for the last three weeks, we not only found him but his boss too. And it was finally time to take them down.

Voight was giving orders, as he did everyone waited for the word to move in. We all wanted this jackass behind bars to say the least.

"Alright, move in, be careful!" Voight said and we all moved. Once me and Kim got through the doors we split off in different ways. I went left she went right, that's when I heard a shot go off. Kim?!?! I turned my back to see she was fine, and looking at me.

We gave the clear to each other and kept moving, that's when I saw a suspect. Shit he's got a hostage! I moved slowly but I wasn't in time, a shit went off again, the man being held was dead.

Dammit! Erin showed up, we made a plan and headed to take out the suspect. It was him against us, we saw our chance and took it. It was easy, we took him down almost in seconds, he only managed to get one shot out before he was down.

I turned around to give Erin that we did it smile, but that smile quickly faded. I turned not to see her smiling back but to see her laying on the ground motionless.

"Erin!!!!" I screamed. "Officer down! I repeat officer down!" I screamed over the radio. I was running to Erin in hopes to stop the bleeding, keep her alive until we got her to med, but when I got to her my heart dropped.

"Erin..." My voice was shaking as I saw the bullet hole. "No... No... Please..." I knelt down beside her fully realizing just what happened. She'd be shot, the one shot that bastard got off but Erin in the head.

"Erin... Erin!" I sobbed knowing she was gone. "Please! Erin! No! No! No! No!" I begged, but I knew she was gone.

Jay's POV

The moment we heard y/n saying officer down we all expected Kim, but it wasn't. Oh God it wasn't...

I was the first one to get to y/n, the first one to see Erin laying on the ground. My body froze for a moment before I ran to her. I wish I hadn't, I wish my body had stayed frozen. Because if it had I could've pretended Erin was still alive, I could still hope she was okay.