Promise Me Forever

Chapter Six

I let the girls stay home for the day and we have been spending the day together snuggled up in bed. Tony went back home because he really needed to be in his own space after how the girls freaked out on him. They just needed some attention and assurance. I hate that the other kids were cruel enough to say messed up stuff like their father’s dead. How dare they? I wrote an infuriated email to the school about this matter because they are lucky that I don’t go directly to the school and give them a piece of my mind. We ate breakfast and lunch in bed, watched movies, and I answered any questions they have about what happened with their dad. They deserved to know, and I should not have kept it from them out of fear. They are smarter than I thought and keeping things a secret was clearly not working. After telling them the truth, they have been making sure that I am doing okay which is so sweer and so scary at the same time. They are truly growing up too fast for my liking. It feels like not too long ago, Nick and I were leaving the hospital with our newborn baby girls. They are happy with spending the night at Nick’s place when I go see their daddy. They are my world, and Nick is my life. I don’t know what I would do without either of them. I called mom and dad to let them know what has been going on, and they were as surprised as I was to find out the girls’ reaction to the truth. I really underestimated them. Once we spent a glorious girl’s day together, I dropped Jenny and Jill off at Tony’s place. He told me that he is doing much better now that he has had enough booze and rest to shake last night’s fiasco off of his mind. At least he is at peace because I do not have the time nor the trust to go searching for a babysitter. Not when I have so much on my plate already. These girls of mine do not need a stranger as well. I sit beside Nick, and he is still as peaceful as ever. My soulmate.

Nick and I were officially dating for about five months when something scared the shit out of us. I had not had my period for two weeks past the time I usually got it. (Michelle): “What are we going to do? I’m not even twenty-five! I’m not even twenty-four! What if I am pregnant? How would we raise the baby? Holy shit! What do we tell my parents?” (Nick): “Hey. Listen to me…” (Michelle): “What will we do about our studies? Do they have online courses? How will we pay for it all? What if we have twins? That’s double the expenses, double the- (Nick): “Michelle Sawyer! Baby, look at me. It will all be alright either way” (Michelle): “How do you know that?” (Nick): “Because I love you, and you love me. We are Michelle and Nick. We can get through anything” I had not done the pregnancy tests yet, but I was panicking from head to toe. He sat with me once I did… you know, and the test was processing. (Nick): “If you wanted to talk about it. It’s up to you whether or not you choose to keep the baby because it’s your body. That decision can only be up to you because you are the one who will be going through intensive changes to carry the baby” (Michelle): “It’s up to you too” (Nick): “Baby, it’s your choice. I’ll support you no matter what you decide. If you are in fact pregnant, then I would like us to get married. Not just to secure finances but because I love you and I don’t want you to ever feel like you would be alone in this. Especially when we have to tell our families” (Michelle): “Oh my gosh. Nick, it’s negative” I took about three pregnancy tests just to be certain that it was actually negative. Talk about feeling weightless. Hand me my wings God because I was already floating in the clouds. This led Nick and I to talking about what it would be like to be parents one day. Except we both agreed that we wanted to get married first, travel the world, and then have babies. It was, however, way too soon to be thinking of those things because we were so young and had only been together for five months at the time. Who would have thought that all these years later, we would not only be married but also have such intelligent, and beautiful young baby girls? We had no idea where things were going but there was nowhere to go but up from where we were. We only got stronger as a couple with time.

(Michelle): “That natural reaction of freaking out seems to have passed on from me to the girls. Baby, our girls really need you. They are holding it together for my sake. They need you. We need you. I can’t sit here any longer” I walk out of the hospital and drive home. Since there is nobody home and I only see the girls tomorrow after school, I take almost everything from the liquor cabinet to my bedroom. Movies are playing on my television but it’s almost like it has faded into the background. My mind is just telling me to keep drinking until it doesn’t hurt anymore. I look at all the framed photos on the walls of Nick and myself. (Michelle): “The engagement party. The wedding. The birth. Oh look, there’s me” Everything is getting blurry, but it feels so good. I keep drinking and there are empty bottles piling up on the floor. It feels comfortable to keep drinking. It’s like the pain has become pins and needles. I laugh at the television. Some show is on, and the couple is in love. (Michelle): “Enjoy the love while it lasts! Don’t let him get on a plane, darling! God is only going to fuck it up for the both of you!” The doorbell rings and my brain feel even more scrambled than it already does. Did I order pizza? A robber wouldn’t ring the doorbell, right? I make my way to the front door and open it. It’s… dad? (Michelle): “Daddy! Welcome to my abode humble! No. Wait. Humble abode. Or is that wrong? No, it’s right. Why, thank you” (Daniel): “Sweetheart, you look like a train wreck, and you smell like a dirty bar. Let’s get you cleaned up” (Michelle): “What are you doing here? Did you bring pizza?” (Daniel): “I sent you twenty-one messages, and you sent a selfie along with a tower of empty bottles in the background. I know that you are hurting, my angel. That doesn’t mean you need to try and drink yourself to death” He says that he doesn’t want mom to worry and he cleans up my mess that I have left behind. He changes my bed sheets and blankets to clean ones. He sweeps and mops my bedroom floor, then lights some incense for the house to smell better. Then he mixes something that is supposed to help you sober up faster. After drinking it, I immediately race to the toilet to throw up what feels like an entire life’s worth of fluids. He holds my hair back as I keep going until there is nothing left but air. Then he cleans all that up and puts clean pyjamas on the bed for me to change into. He allows me to take a shower in private and then once I dried off and got dressed, he helped me into bed and tucked me in. After that, he went home. I think.