Promise Me Forever

Chapter Seven

Dad left me a note on my nightstand. (Daniel): “Darling, you need to see a therapist to let go of the pain you’re holding onto or else it could have been your little girls there last night instead of me. There are drinks with electrolytes to soothe your stomach after throwing up. Pain meds are on your nightstand to help soothe any migraines. I left pancakes in the fridge that you could heat up for breakfast, but I had a feeling you might not want some so there is some pizza on the counter as well. I love you. Dad” I was quite the rebel growing up and dad witnessed a lot of ‘consequences’ of going to parties all the time. That is why he knew exactly what to do. He is right about speaking to a therapist. I need to take his and Tony’s advice and start seeing one because it really could have been my girls witnessing me in that state last night. Not too long after a phone call, I went to an urgent appointment with a therapist that was highly recommended. She was so kind and welcoming. I completely broke down in tears and it was the first time I realized how lost I have been feeling without Nick by my side. We have been together for over a decade and there has been no moment where I imagined how my life would be if he was not there. The therapist said that I am brave to have held on for as long as I did before reaching my breaking point. It just hurts so much to see him laying there, unable to speak or even open his eyes. He is the love of my life, and everything just hurts relentlessly. It feels like my body is constantly being torn limb from limb and being reattached, then being ripped apart all over again. I vowed to love him in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, and this situation could never change my love for him. That does not mean that I know how to process it all on my own. My biggest fear is that he doesn’t wake up at all and we lose him forever. He’s not just my husband, he is my soulmate, he is the father of my children. He is the one who taught me what real love is. He showed me what true love feels like. Even though he lost his parents at a young age, I have watched him be the greatest daddy to our little girls. He was there for me throughout the pregnancy, the birth, and he never left my side. Watching him hold our babies for the first time is still a memory I hold onto dearly. Ever since he walked into my life, I felt his energy around me, and it makes me feel safe. I am just terrified that there might come a day where that energy fades. When you love someone unconditionally, you would give your last breath if it meant they would have a second chance at life. But what do you do when they are not dead but not even able to look at you?

The second date was actually scheduled on our first anniversary. We had so much going on that we would make plans where we could but this was a truly special occasion to have our official second date as a couple. We went to a restaurant called ‘Bon Appetit’ that had lit candles and live music. We were so lost in our love that a year felt like the blink of an eye. (Waiter): “Good evening to you both. What will you be having?” (Michelle): “Hi. I’ll have the steak with mushroom sauce and vegetables” (Nick): “I’ll have the steak with cheese sauce and fries” (Waiter): “Wonderful. Your drinks will be coming soon. How would you like your steak?” (Both): “Medium grilled” (Waiter): “Great choice” I blushed, and Nick smirked at me. We both knew that there would come a day where we had to test each other’s answers in person. Today just happened to be that day. We held hands and neither one of us wanted this moment to end. Then he took out a box and I was very worried. I had no idea what was going on. (Nick): “Baby, relax. It’s not a ring. Yet. It’s a little something I got for you” (Michelle): “You didn’t tell me we were doing gifts! I feel horrible. I didn’t get you anything” (Nick): “When will you ever learn, Michelle Sawyer. Your very existence is the greatest gift. Go on. Open it” I open it, and it was absolutely beautiful. It was a bracelet with charms that could be added. We would then add charms for every milestone. It had me speechless and tearing up. Nobody had ever given me such a thoughtful gift before. (Nick): “I love you” (Michelle): “I love you too. Come here” I put my hand on the back of his neck as we pulled each other in for a deep passionate kiss. The world felt like it was ours in this moment. I looked deep into his eyes and he in mine. We had made it to our first anniversary. Then we kissed again, and my heart was doing backflips in my chest. The live band started playing the song ‘Can’t help falling in love’ by Elvis Presley. So, Nick asked me if I would like to dance. I was so shy, but he managed to convince me. (Nick): “Just keep your eyes on me. There is nobody else here but you and me. Always” Then we swayed to the music and just like that, he was right. It no longer felt like there was anyone else in the restaurant but the two of us. We could not take our eyes off of each other. (Michelle): “Nick, I want to say something, but I don’t want to scare you off” (Nick): “Like what? Don’t tell me that you hate whipped cream cause that’s a… you know. A dealbreaker” He always knows how to make me laugh no matter how nervous I am. It’s one of those things I love about him. (Nick): “Talk to me, baby. I’m not going anywhere” (Michelle): “It might sound cheesy” (Nick): “I think I can handle it” (Michelle): “As long as your heart beats, I’m yours. In this life and the next” (Nick): “That’s strange because as long as my heart beats, I’m yours. In this life and the next” This young man… I was at a loss for words.

(Michelle): “I had honestly expected you to run when I confessed that, but it became something we would say to remind each other that we are in this together. I have started seeing a therapist and she actually said that what I feel when I can’t speak with you like we used to is a feeling similar to being homesick. It’s true. You are my home. Wherever you are in this world. Whether you wake up or God forbid you don’t. You will always be my home. There is no one else for me but you. I love you. Always. As long as my heart beats, I’m yours. In this life and the next” I kiss him on the forehead and smile as a tear finds its way down my cheek. I meant every word that I said. (Michelle): “You are the strongest person I know, and I love that strength inside of you, baby. You are not alone. You have never been, and you never will be as long as you have me. I was with you before we ever crossed paths in this life. In our past lives, in this life, in every other, I’m certain that you are the missing piece that I was always meant to find” Hold up. His hand. His hand twitched. Did it twitch? Holy shit! His hand twitched! His hand moved! (Michelle): “DOCTOR! Call the doctor! Somebody!” I press the button as many times as I can. The nurse comes in with a concerned look on her face. (Nurse): “What’s wrong, ma’am? Is everything alright?” (Michelle): “I need to see the doctor! I was holding my husband’s hand, and he moved! Does that mean he is waking up? He twitched!” (Nurse): “I’m sorry ma’am but comatose patients tend to twitch every now and then due to involuntary reflexes controlled by the brain and spinal cord. It does not indicate whether they are waking up or not. All we can do is wait and keep your husband as comfortable as possible” I realize that in the midst of all this chaos and confusion, I have not let go of his hand. One day you will wake up, my love. We will get through this and make it over to the other side. I know it.