Promise Me Forever

Chapter Nine

Waking up after having a family dinner last night feels a bit lighter. Although, it does still hurt that Nick was not here with us. Mom and dad said that I seem to be doing a lot better since going to therapy. Even Tony agreed with them. It was sweet of them and in some ways, it has been helping. I just cannot tell if it is helping me work through my grief or if I am simply becoming numb to the entire situation. When I was spending time with the girls once everyone left, they told me that they want to visit their daddy but only once he is able to talk to them. They asked if I knew when he would be able to and it was so difficult to talk to them about it without breaking into pieces. Our two amazing daughters deserve both of their parents in their lives. It just hurts to be so helpless. I luckily finished all of my book release events so now there will be more time to focus on other things including Jenny and Jill. They were so happy to see their nana and papa that they looked like they were on a sugar high. I know how much family means to them; it means a lot to me too. One day we will be whole again. We just have to hold on until that day finally comes. Tony read the book I wrote and asked me why we never got those two husky puppies that we wanted. Truth is that by the time we were thinking about it, I was already breastfeeding, and we were running on three hours of sleep a day if we were lucky! There was never a good time to get ourselves dogs and be able to train them, and take them on walks. We were too busy with maintaining a work-life balance as first-time parents. At least my therapist was proud of me after today’s session. She said that I am making progress and that I should not blame myself when things go wrong in life. It never occurred to me that I did that sort of thing until she brought it up. It just feels like it is all my fault. However, she said that by letting go of the guilt that I hang over my head, it could make things much less stressful than it has been. Especially after I raided the entire liquor cabinet. I need to start being more patient with myself and not drown in hopelessness when it comes to Nick’s condition in the hospital. When I got to the hospital, seeing him didn’t hurt as much as it used to. My mind knows that he is simply unconscious, and my heart is certain that he will awaken.

When Nick was twenty-seven years old and I was twenty-five years old, we were celebrating our three-year anniversary with one another. Little did I know that this was only two years before he proposed to me. I had no idea that he had already asked my parents for their blessing the day before he bought the engagement ring. It also turned out that he bought the engagement ring when we were together for one year. Which means that he held onto the ring for almost four years. My mom and dad never gave the news away at all in that time. He asked them to keep it a secret until the moment we told them that we were going to get married. It was so sweet of him. He knew that I did not want to get married too young because I wanted to sort out my studies and get started on my career first. That is what made it much more special that he was willing to wait. Nonetheless, we spent our three-year anniversary at a gorgeous beach house. It was white and blue, with the most beautiful decorations, and the most comfortable furniture ever. We started by having breakfast together in bed. There were omelettes, toast, coffee, yoghurt, warm porridge, cake slices, and some lemonade. (Nick): “Happy anniversary, baby” (Michelle): “Happy anniversary, my love. This breakfast looks heavenly” (Nick): “Dig in because we have a full day planned” He was not joking at all when he said that. We went on a serene boat ride where we saw dolphins, colourful fish, and it was absolutely breath-taking. After we went on the boat ride together, we went swimming in a private luxury pool. It was just the workout we needed to work off that huge breakfast we had. The lounge chairs at the pool were so comfortable that a person could easily fall asleep on them. Which is extremely dangerous because a person would not only burn but risk melanoma form being exposed to the rays of the sun for who knows how many hours. Once we had fully enjoyed our time at the pool, we dried off, got changed, and went on a shopping spree at the market together for some snacks and some souvenirs to bring home. (Nick): “Do you think your mother would approve of this sun hat?” (Michelle): “Wow. It looks so pretty. She honestly has an entire closet filled with hats, my love” (Nick): “Perhaps a keychain” He was right about looking at the beach-themed keychains. We found one that my mother truly adored as a mothers’ day gift. After spending some time at the market, we had a reservation for dinner at an outdoor restaurant right by the ocean. It was lit up so perfectly that we would not only just hear the waves crashing but we got to watch it as well as the sun was setting. We made a toast to our love with champagne. (Nick): “To us!” (Michelle): “To us!” I can still remember the feeling at the ocean breeze and his brown eyes looking at me. He was then as he is now, the true love of my life. We can never forget this date and never will.

I was so concerned that my heels would be impossible to walk in with all the beach sand. Luckily, the restaurant had a firm foundation so all we needed to worry about was that the food would be good. It was delicious by the way. We stayed and had some dessert too. It was divine. A chocolate lava cake is always good for the soul. I turn to Nick and hold his hand now that I have finished reading the chapter. (Michelle): “Hopefully, you have been hearing my voice after all this time, my love. Every time I think of or see the ocean, you are always on my mind. Not that you have ever left it since the first day we met. You have always been my rock, and you always will be. Remember that as long as my heart beats, I’m yours. In this life and the next. I love you so much” Once again, I kiss him on the forehead before getting my things and going back to the house. It really hurts to not hear his voice at the very least. So, I decided to play our wedding video to hear him again. There was this feeling of a weight being taken off my shoulders once I heard him on the video. It felt like he was right here with me.