The Pages Within [BxB]

Suspicions

The morning light filters through the blinds, soft and muted, casting faint lines across the bed. I wake up with a heaviness pressing down on me, the kind that sleep doesn't seem to fix anymore. Ava's still beside me, her back turned, breathing slow and steady. There's tension in the air, thick and almost suffocating, like we're both awake but pretending to be asleep to avoid what needs to be said.

Last night... it didn't feel right. No matter how many times I kissed her, no matter how hard I tried to hold her close, it felt forced. It felt like I was trying to convince myself everything was still okay. But it's not. Nothing is.

Lying here, staring up at the ceiling, my mind is racing. Jason. The team. The pressure of being someone I'm not even sure I am anymore. Ava stirs beside me, and my chest tightens. I know what's coming. She's not going to let this go much longer.

"David?" Her voice is soft, but there's an edge to it, barely masked frustration. She turns toward me, her eyes searching mine. I can already feel the question hanging in the air between us, heavy, unspoken, but demanding to be addressed.

I don't respond right away. I glance at her, trying to gauge how much she's going to push. But she doesn't wait long.

"You've been distant," she says, sitting up slightly, her voice quieter but full of tension. "I don't know what's going on with you, but I can feel it. You're pulling away from me, and I know it's not just football or school. There's something else."

Her words land like a punch in the gut. She can see through me so easily, and I hate that. I hate that she's right. But how the hell do I explain something I barely understand myself?

"I'm not pulling away," I lie, my voice weak, even to me. "It's just... there's a lot going on in my head."

Ava shakes her head, frustration slipping into her voice. "David, I'm not stupid. I know when something's wrong. You've barely been here, even when you're physically with me. You don't talk to me like you used to. You don't... feel the same."

Her voice wavers, and I can hear the hurt there, underneath the frustration. Something inside me cracks a little, but I don't know how to respond. I sit up, running my hands through my hair, hoping the right words will come. But they don't.

"It's just been a lot lately," I say, still avoiding her eyes. "The season, classes... it's exhausting."

"That's not it," she says, her voice firmer now. She's sitting up fully, facing me. "I know it's more than that. I can feel it, David. You're slipping away from me, and I don't know why. You used to tell me everything. What changed?"

What changed? Everything. Jason. The confusion. The guilt. The fact that no matter how much I try to push him out of my head, his face keeps creeping back in. But how the hell do I explain that to her? How do I tell her that I've been thinking about someone else? That everything between us feels like a lie I'm desperately trying to keep alive?

"I'm sorry," I whisper, the words hollow. "I didn't mean to make you feel that way."

She's watching me closely, eyes filled with hurt and frustration. She's waiting for more, waiting for me to give her the truth. But how can I? How can I tell her without blowing up everything we've built?

"Sorry isn't enough, David," she says, her voice shaking now. "I need to know what's going on with you. If you love me—if we're still us—then I need to know why you're pulling away."

"I do love you," I say quickly, and it's not a complete lie. I do love her. Just not in the way she deserves. Not in the way I used to. "It's just... overwhelming right now. Everything feels like too much, and I don't know how to talk about it."