The Pages Within [BxB]

Secret

Things with Ava were back to normal. At least, that's what I kept telling myself.

It happened slowly, the way we patched things up. After days of dodging her texts and making up excuses to avoid seeing her, I finally caved. She showed up at my apartment one night, and I couldn't keep running forever. The conversation was hard—there were tears on her part and half-hearted explanations on mine. But I didn't tell her the whole truth. I didn't tell her about Jason, about the confusion tearing me in two different directions. I just said I was stressed—football, school, life weighing me down. That I didn't mean to push her away.

She believed me. Or at least, she wanted to.

"I just want us to be okay again," she had whispered, resting her head against my chest as we sat on the couch. Her fingers traced small circles on my arm, and for a second, I wanted it to be okay too. I wanted everything to go back to how it used to be—simple, easy, before my head got all messed up. So, I told her what she needed to hear, and for a while, it worked.

We slid back into our routine—going out, hanging with friends, doing the usual things couples our age did. Ava smiled and laughed like she used to, and I did my best to play the part of the guy I was before. We had sex more often, like we were trying to hold onto something that was slipping away. It was good, familiar, but even in those moments, that nagging feeling wouldn't go away.

Jason.

I couldn't stop thinking about him, even when I was with Ava. I knew it was wrong, but it was like there were two versions of me—the one with Ava and the one with Jason—and I couldn't figure out how to make them fit together. So, I compartmentalized. Told myself I could have both: Ava, the perfect girlfriend, the normal life I was supposed to want; and Jason, the quiet understanding, the thing I hadn't fully figured out but couldn't let go of.

For a little while, it worked. But like everything else in my life lately, it started to unravel.

It all started with a rumor.

I first heard about it during practice. We were in the middle of drills, sweat pouring down my face, when Elijah jogged over during a water break, his usual smirk in place like he was about to drop some juicy news.

"Yo, Castillo," he said, wiping the sweat from his forehead. "You hear about the drama with Professor Walters?"

I shook my head, already feeling that familiar tightness creeping into my chest. My body tensed like my instincts were trying to warn me this wasn't just harmless gossip. "No, what's up?"

Elijah leaned in, lowering his voice like he was sharing the hottest secret on campus. His grin widened. "Apparently, someone found a bunch of journals from his class in his office. You know, the ones we all had to write? Word is, one of them's got some pretty wild shit in it."

My stomach dropped. The journal. My journal.

I tried to keep my face neutral, but I could feel the panic rising, like wildfire spreading through my chest. Every word Elijah said felt like it was inching closer to the truth I'd buried in those pages. "What kind of 'wild shit' are we talking about?" I asked, my voice sounding more casual than I felt.

Elijah shrugged, clearly loving the drama. "No idea, man. Just rumors for now. But you know how fast stuff spreads. People are saying someone's got dirt on one of the players, but no one knows who yet."

I forced a laugh, even though my throat was tight. "Yeah, probably just BS," I muttered, hoping Elijah wouldn't notice how off I sounded. "People love to stir things up."

He nodded, though the way he lingered told me he was waiting for the real story to break. "Guess we'll see," he said, raising an eyebrow like he knew more than he was letting on before jogging off to rejoin the others.