The Pages Within [BxB]

Choice

The room was bathed in darkness, save for the pale glow of my phone screen reflecting off the crumpled school newsletter on my desk. It felt like a constant reminder of my downfall, mocking me with every glance. I hadn't left my apartment in two days—hadn't needed to. Everything was already pressing down on me, suffocating me under the weight of my own decisions. Football, Ava, Jason, the team—it all felt distant, like fragments of a life that belonged to someone else.

I lay back on the bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. My life no longer made sense. The person I had been trying so hard to be had shattered into pieces, leaving me exposed and hollow. I had spent so long pretending—juggling my identity as a star quarterback, the guy with the perfect girlfriend, the reliable son. But those pieces didn't fit together anymore, and I couldn't fake it.

Football was gone. Coach had benched me indefinitely after the fight with Elijah, and it didn't take a genius to see the writing on the wall: I wasn't coming back anytime soon. And honestly? I wasn't sure I wanted to. I had messed up beyond repair. The team didn't need someone dragging them down, someone who couldn't even keep his head straight. The truth was, I wasn't their leader anymore. Hell, I didn't even know who I was leading.

But it wasn't just football that had slipped away—it was everything. Ava had been gone for a while, in every sense of the word. Elijah had distanced himself. My so-called friends? They had grown quiet, like they didn't know how to act around me anymore. I couldn't blame them. I wasn't exactly easy to be around these days. I had become a stranger to them—and maybe, to myself.

The truth I had been running from was right in front of me now. I had been lying. To myself, to Ava, to the team. The life I had been trying to live, the person I thought I was—it was all a lie. And slowly, over the past few months, that lie had started to unravel, piece by piece.

Now, I had a choice to make. I could keep denying it, keep pretending I could hold all the broken pieces together. Or, I could face the truth head-on.

But the truth was terrifying. It meant admitting things I wasn't sure I was ready to say out loud. It meant facing the world as the person I'd been hiding all along—the person with feelings for Jason. The person who wasn't the perfect guy everyone thought he was.

The thought of that terrified me more than anything else.

Later that day, I was sitting on the couch, lost in thought, when my phone buzzed. At first, I ignored it, too drained to care about whatever new message was waiting for me. But it buzzed again. And again.

I sighed, grabbing my phone. I expected it to be more texts about the rumors or fallout from the fight with Elijah. But it wasn't.

It was Jason.

Hey. Can we talk?

I stared at the message, my chest tightening. I didn't know what to say. I hadn't spoken to him since everything came crashing down. He had kept his distance, and I had taken that as a sign to do the same. But now, here he was, reaching out.

For a second, I thought about ignoring it. It would have been easier. Avoiding this conversation, avoiding everything that had gotten so complicated between us, would have been the path of least resistance. But I knew I couldn't. Not anymore.

Yeah, I typed back. Where?

We met at a small coffee shop just off campus. A place we used to go to when things were simpler—back when we were just classmates, before everything got tangled up. The shop was quiet, and I was grateful for that. The last thing I needed was an audience for this conversation.

Jason was already sitting at a table by the window when I walked in. He looked up when I approached, his expression neutral, but his eyes—his eyes were a storm of emotions I couldn't quite read. I felt a knot of anxiety twist in my gut, but I pushed through it, sitting down across from him.

"Hey," I mumbled, my voice barely audible.

"Hey," he replied, his eyes searching mine, trying to read me. Neither of us spoke for a long moment. The silence between us was thick, filled with all the things we hadn't said to each other.

"I heard about the fight," Jason finally said, breaking the tension. "And everything else."

I nodded, not really sure what to say. He didn't need me to explain—he probably knew the rumors better than I did. He knew about the fight with Elijah, the suspension, the fallout with Ava. There was no point in rehashing it.

"I didn't want any of this," I admitted, my voice raw. "I didn't want things to go this way."

Jason leaned back, his gaze steady. "Then why didn't you talk to me? Why didn't you say something when all of this started? I would've listened, David. I would've been there."

His words hit harder than I expected. I had been so caught up in my own mess, my own confusion, that I hadn't even thought about how Jason might have felt. I didn't realize he might have wanted to help, that maybe he could have been there for me—if I had let him.

"I didn't know how to talk about it," I confessed, my hands trembling under the table. "I didn't know how to talk about... us. About what I was feeling."

Jason's expression softened. For the first time since I walked in, I felt a flicker of hope.

"I get it," he said quietly. "I didn't know how to talk about it either. But you can't keep shutting me out. Not if this is real."

That was the question, wasn't it? Was this real? Was everything I had been feeling for Jason—the confusion, the attraction—something real? Or was it just another part of the chaos I had created?

But looking at him now, I knew the answer. It was real. It had always been real. I had just been too scared to face it. Too terrified of what it meant. I had spent so long trying to run from it, trying to convince myself that I could be someone else. But I couldn't keep running.

"I don't want to lie anymore," I whispered. "I'm tired of pretending."

Jason gave me a small, understanding smile. "Then stop pretending."

After we left the coffee shop, I walked home with my mind spinning. The conversation had left me feeling both relieved and terrified. For the first time, I had admitted—out loud—that my feelings for Jason were real. That I couldn't bury them anymore. But now came the hard part.

Now, I had to figure out what to do next.

That night, I sat in my apartment, staring at the mess of my life spread out before me. My football career, my relationships, my friendships—everything was broken. But for the first time in a long time, I wasn't sure I wanted to fix it. Not like this.

Because somewhere deep inside, I knew that if I kept pretending—if I kept living this lie—things would only get worse.

The next morning, I woke up with a strange sense of clarity. It wasn't that everything was suddenly better, but for the first time, I knew what I had to do. I couldn't keep hiding. I couldn't keep running from who I was, from what I felt.

I didn't know what would happen next. I didn't know if I would lose even more than I already had. But I knew one thing for sure: I couldn't keep living in fear. I had to start living for me.

And that meant facing the truth, no matter how terrifying it was.