The Pages Within [BxB]

Jason

It's strange how quickly things can change. One moment, you're barely holding it together, floating through the days like everything's slipping away, and the next, someone comes along and pulls you back to earth. That's what it feels like with Jason. I didn't expect this. I didn't expect to sit across from him in the library, sharing a moment that felt more real than anything else in my life right now. But here I am, drawn to him like he's the only one who can see through the chaos I've been trying so hard to hide.

The days blur together after that. I still show up for football practice, still run the plays and give the effort, but the pressure to lead, to be perfect, is suffocating. Coach hasn't benched me yet, but I know it's only a matter of time if I don't get my head right. And Ava... I've been avoiding her. Every time I think about our last conversation, my chest tightens, and the guilt wraps tighter around me. I know I need to talk to her, try to fix things, but I don't know how. I don't even know if I can.

And then there's Jason.

We've hung out a few times since that day in the library. Nothing serious, just talking, a few shared silences that somehow feel comforting instead of awkward. There's this ease between us I can't explain, like being around him quiets the storm in my head. But the more time I spend with him, the more I realize that whatever this is between us feels important. And that terrifies me.

Today, we're sitting on the grass in a quiet corner of campus, away from the crowds and noise. Jason's got his sketchbook open, his hand moving absently as he doodles, while I lay back, staring at the sky. My thoughts are all over the place, as usual, but there's something calming about being here with him. We didn't plan this. It just... happened. Like most things with him.

"So," Jason says, still focused on his sketchbook, "you ever gonna tell me what's been going on with you?"

The question catches me off guard. I knew it was coming eventually, but I've been avoiding it. Trying to keep everything bottled up, even though I know that's what's been tearing me apart. Jason's been patient. He hasn't pushed, hasn't pried, but I can feel him waiting for me to open up.

I glance over at him, but he's still drawing, not looking at me. Giving me space. He's not expecting anything, not demanding answers, and that makes it easier to breathe. I swallow hard, trying to gather my thoughts, but it feels like everything's tangled up, too messy to explain.

"It's a lot," I finally say, my voice quieter than I intended. "I don't even know where to start."

"You don't have to tell me everything," Jason replies, his tone soft. "Just... whatever you want. I'm not here to judge."

Something inside me loosens a little, like the tightness I've been carrying around my chest for weeks is starting to ease. The idea that I don't have to explain it all, that I can say as much or as little as I want, takes some of the pressure off. I let out a breath I didn't even realize I was holding.

"It's football, for one," I say, running a hand through my hair. "It used to be everything to me, you know? The one thing I was good at. The one thing that made sense. But now, it's like I'm barely holding it together. Coach is on my case, the team's starting to notice... and I feel like I'm letting everyone down."

Jason glances up from his sketchbook, his eyes calm but focused. "That's a lot of pressure."

"Yeah, it is." I look away, staring at the sky again. "And then there's Ava. We've been together for a year, and she's... she's great. But I don't know. Things have been different lately. She's been asking me what's wrong, and I can't even give her an answer. I don't have one."

I don't mention the fight. Don't mention how I haven't been able to stop thinking about Jason since everything started falling apart. How I feel like I'm pulling away from Ava without meaning to, how the guilt's been eating me alive.