FLORIDA | GXG

Chapter Three

Saylor

In those eyes, Saylor saw everything she loved and hated most. She saw her deepest regrets, and the reasons why she still felt so unbearably numb.

"I know I fucked up, but I'll change, I promise you, Saylor," Audrey yelled, her eyes wild with desperation and hurt. "I just... I can't let you go." The wine glass slipped from Audrey's hand and hit the kitchen floor, pouring a bloody river at her feet. She didn't flinch.

Saylor wiped her eyes, her chest heaving with breaking sobs.
"Why not?" she stammered, her car keys in her hand. Anger and resentment and fear were mixing together in her stomach, making her feel like she was about to throw up on a wine-stained tile.

"I just can't!"

It was quiet, and in those moments, Saylor wanted nothing more than to simply die. Audrey's eyes were cold, not a hint of anything real behind them. Maybe she simply wanted to die too.

"This isn't working and you know it," Saylor said, finally being able to speak without hiccuping.

Audrey looked up from the tiles, her lips quivering. Saylor had seen anger on her face before, and this wasn't it. This was fear. 

"You're afraid," she said. "You don't know if this isn't working because of you, or me, but if this all ends, you'll know."

Silence.

"If I leave and find someone new while you're left alone with everything I ignored, you'll know it was you," Saylor paused, "You were always the problem, Audrey Evelyn."

Saylor blinked, standing frozen against the white backdrop.

"Hi, I'm Audrey," Audrey said, with a smile that didn't even touch her eyes. Saylor wanted to scream.

"I'm Saylor," she replied, feeling so disgustingly nauseous and numb. Audrey reached out her hand for her to shake, but it was brief and emotionless. Saylor had pictured their reunion countless times in her head, but it was nothing like this. There was supposed to be yelling, and screaming, and fighting. But instead, in front of her was a stranger she knew everything about.

Audrey smiled again.
"I was told your name was Sasha," she said, starting to fiddle around with her camera. Saylor didn't reply. It felt like her throat was full of wool; every word she wished she could say fell silently off her tongue and cottoned dry in the air.

Every second Saylor would reassure herself that this couldn't get any worse, but still it did. The click of the camera rang out in her ears until it was a bullet hitting her brain. Every pose she struck felt intimate; like it was just her and Audrey again. It might as well have been just the two of them, as Todd was mostly silent during the photo taking process.

"Can you go closer to Audrey please, Ms Saylor?" Todd asked, beckoning Saylor closer. She sighed and stepped closer to the camera. Audrey looked everywhere but Saylor's eyes.

Click. Click click. Click. Click. Click Click.

~

A straight 15 minutes of posing resulted in the worst headache Saylor had ever felt. It felt mean to blame the posing though, as it was very obviously Audrey's burning gaze that made Saylor's head pound. She found Audrey in the break room, eating a cut up orange. New Saylor still hadn't arrived, but old Saylor could handle this.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" she hissed, starting to fill up a plastic cup of water. Audrey shrugged.
"I could ask you the same thing, Sasha," she said. "You think if I'd known it was you I would've taken this job?"
"Oh please, you know that's not what I meant," Saylor scoffed. "What the fuck are you doing in Florida?" she re-asked her question.
"If I remember correctly, this was our dream," Audrey said, clenching her plastic cup so tightly it began to crumple in her grasp. Saylor rolled her eyes.

This had been her dream that she 'shared' with Audrey. Sure, Audrey wanted to be a photographer, but Saylor wanted to be a model. The two dreamed at different levels. They'd loved at different levels. Saylor needed things Audrey couldn't give, but now, the want she'd been feeling since they'd broken up was the strongest need she'd ever felt.

"Suddenly you're standing here in front of me, and what, I just have to pretend that my heart isn't breaking at just the sight of you?" Saylor asked, cracking her knuckles anxiously. And Audrey simply shrugged.

"I guess so," she paused, coughing softly. It was the sound she'd make to cover up crying, Saylor knew that. "I guess that's how it's gonna be in Florida."