The Marionette

Chapter 28: It's Futile

"So how does this whole gossip thing work?" After your crying session with Law, he somberly walked out of the room without saying anything. He merely let you go, hid his face with the brim of his hat and walked out as if nothing happened. Shortly after, you gathered yourself up and sought Ikkaku out for advice, but not before making sure your eyes weren't red and puffy as to not alarm her.

Ikkaku laid down on her stomach, taking up the bottom half of your bed meanwhile you stationed yourself by your pillows while sitting cross legged. The two of you already swapped into your night clothes, with you skipping dinner to avoid Law, you were already prepared for the night. Ikkaku flipped some of her hair over her shoulder, her hair which was usually pulled back was let loose and frizzed out. "Okay, side note before we begin," she gasped while kicking her legs up and down, "but I noticed you and the captain skipped dinner." Her brown eyes were fixated on you with a large grin as she held her face in the palms of her hands.

'So Law must have skipped dinner too', you thought to yourself while pulling part of your blanket over your legs. "I decided to bathe instead of having dinner," you said with a shrug, "not sure about him." You didn't want to talk about the call with Doflamingo, it was still raw and something you hadn't gotten the chance to mull over yet. You had a lot of questions that needed to be answered, but that was for a later time.

Ikkaku popped her lips in disappointment, but nodded her head anyways, "so are you and the captain?" Her question caused your face to heat up at the thought alone, you letting out a forced cough at the notion.

"No," you answered sternly to not give her any ideas or false excitement. "In fact..." your voice trailed as you looked over at your night stand instead of at her, "I think it's best I don't indulge in that aspect of my life. The second I decided that I wanted to feel more human connections, it was like bam!" You shook your head with a sigh, "I feel weaker than ever and if I let my emotions get the better of me, I might screw something up." You looked back at Ikkaku who only stared at you with raised eyebrows, "what?" You asked while sitting back and crossing your arms.

"Oh it's nothing!" Ikkaku squealed while burying her face into your blankets, "it just sounds like to me you've got a thing for the Captain," she sung out with a proud grin.

You clenched your jaw as you felt the inner panic rise, "I don't know, it's too complicated!" You huffed as you felt your face turn red, "anytime I convince myself that I can just suppress those feelings, it's like he knows and does something to remind me of them." You ruffled some of your hair with a frown, "it's distracting. I just wanted to air some of my thoughts aloud, nothing more to it."

Ikkaku sat up from her lying position, "it's futile y'know?" She teased while mirroring your sitting position.

"Futile?" You repeated after her with a confused expression as you uncrossed your arms.

"The more you ignore those feelings, the worse it'll be," she snorted, "it's better to accept that you like Captain Law and learn to cope instead." She shrugged her shoulders like it was no big deal, meanwhile you couldn't accept that fact.

You defiantly shook your head, "I can't submit to my feelings like that. That's not how I was raised," you said while rubbing the sides of your face.

Ikkaku let out a groan, "you're not your dad! You're not Doflamingo's puppet anymore! You're one of us, we're pirates, we don't follow rules or etiquettes." You stopped massaging the side of your face as you listened to her words. She was right, but you couldn't let that part of you go. Even after you declared you wanted to break free from your former shell, it was like it had a grip on you.

You inhaled sharply, "how do I know what I'm doing is right? What if I do let go and he catches on? What if-"

Ikkaku cut you off with a light hearted laugh, "welcome to the complicated world of attraction! Everything you're feeling and thinking is normal," she leaned over and placed a comforting hand on your shoulder. "Trust me when I say this, everything will work out. I've been around the Captain long enough to see his demeanor change when he's around you," she revealed with a knowing look. "He's too stubborn to admit it, but even Bepo as clueless as he is has seen noticed too. I think the feelings mutual," she winked while backing away.