Baarish.....

part-24

Rajveer pov

We are in a good term Again.  But i noticed she is a bit off now a days. And as usual i m responsible for that. Shame on me.
Still now she gets nightmare, but the good part is not daily. Whenever she shakes in her sleep i put my hands on her forehead and she stops shaking.
Seems like miracle right??!!
But no,its not.
I have consulted with one of my psychiatrist friend about her and her nightmare. Though i could not give him details information about her childhood as i barely know that myself. But i assumed it wasn’t so pleasing. She is in trauma.
My friend suggested me to talk to her more.....ramdom talking....
Let her express herself....
And I'm trying.... Truly trying.....
But It's not so easy though....
She is reserved..... Never let people get close to her.....
Always keeps distance...

Im returning home after office....her post master kaka called me twice today.  He wanted to talk to her, its something urgent. I need to call him back whill i go home.

I reached my home, took shower and went to the dinning table.
Naina is serving me....
Rajveer : ah naina....post master kaka called today.... Abhi baat karogi?
Naina : ji....
I called him and and naina indicates me to put the phn on speaker....
I did so.....
PM: naina bitiya.....
Naina: ji kaka....kaise hain aap sab? Bahaut din baad call kiya aapne..
PM: mujhe maaf kar dena beta....main tumhare baba ko nahi bacha paya....
Naina was stunned hearing this and the bowl containing cutlery fell off her hand making loud noise.
She take the bowl left for the kitchen shivering....
I resumed the phn call....
Rajveer : um....ye kab aur kaise hua?
PM : do din pehle heart attack hua....hospital pouchne ke baad pata chala ki heart pe blockage hain...doctors ne surgery pe leke gaye to phirse arrest hua.....
Rajveer : hospitals ke sab formalities complete hua kya? Main alekh ko bhijwa du?
PM: nahi beta....naina bitiya ne insurance kiya tha....tum bas uska khayal rakho....wo bahaut dukh me hain abhi....aur kisise kuch kehga bhi nahi.....
Rajveer : aap uski chinta mat kare kaka. Main samhal lunga....

I hang up the call and headed to the kitchen.....

Naina behaving restless..... Cleaning the dishes..... Wiping every single things....
And many more......
She noticed my presence...
Naina : aapko kuch chaiye?? Coffee banadu??
I nodded silently.....
Naina : yeh jiddi dag bhi na!!! Nikal ne ki naam hi nahi le rahe hain....
She said rubbing a pan aggressively....
I hold her hand and freezes.....
Rajveer : chordo naina....
She looks at my eyes....i can see pain in them......seeking for some solace.....
Naina :  yaha barish nahi hoti na??? Aaj barish hona chahiye tha.....
She said leaning to my chest.....
I was stunned by her statement....
She need to express her pain....
Tears reduces pain very well....
She need to cry....
But she is not crying.....

I pat her head slowly......
Trying to consoling her...

Rajveer : ro lo naina....aapna sara dard aasuon me beh jane do....

Naina : barish nahi ho rahi aaj....

I wanted to give her whatever she demands right now to ease her pain.....
I bring her to our bedroom holding her hand, and took her to the bathroom.... Placing her in the shower i turn it on.....

She is still looking at me..... Straight into my eyes... In a daze....

The second the water falls down her body....i see tears falls down.....
And she throws herself to me....
Hugging me tightly she says....

Naina : mujhe maa baba ke pass jana hain.... Woh dono mujhe akela kaise chorke ja sakte hain.... Main kaise rahu unke bina....pehle maa....aab baba bhi chale gaye..... Mujhe bhi jana hain.....mujhe nahi rehna yaha.....

I kept patting her head, holding her from back....
She kept chanting these words.....
I got soaked by the water and her tears......
After don’t know low long she stops and started shivering as the water was a bit cold.....
I turn the shower off and take a towel,  wiping the excess water from both of our body we got out of the bathroom.....
I took a loose t-shirt of mine and gave it to her....

She is beyond any expression....
She took the t-shirt and started changing in front of me...
I understood that she is not well right now....
I excused myself to the closet and got myself changed....
I do not want to make herself uncomfortable.....
When i  came back to the room i saw her sitting in the edge of the bed, already changed in the t-shirt.....
I help her to lay and i took my side....
This is the first time i pull her to my chest....she is obeying me silently.....
She is acting like a lifeless doll.....
I'm not liking it....
For some reason i wanted to take her pain....
I tried to make her sleep by creasing her head lightly.....
She fell asleep after some time....
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