𝙄𝙣𝙩𝙤𝙭𝙞𝙘𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚

★the muse★

I wish I could scream.
The moment I entered my room I threw my bag across the room so harshly that books came out of it. A moment of silence. Silence is the only thing that has accompanied me for my whole life. I gulped down everything that has been raising. But I can't stop this anymore. I rushed into the bathroom and threw up. I was so exhausted to do anything else. I breathed harshly and closed my eyes. This is never gonna end until I end it by myself. I just want to scream. I gripped my hair tightly. And closed my eyes. I stood up and looked myself in the mirror. This is sick. I'm sick. I can't look at myself without being disgusted. I gulped down and looked at my hair. Disgust filled me. I did not think twice before throwing a bottle in the mirror. The glass splattered everywhere. But the rage inside me..... It never stopped growing. I grabbed the scissors and looked at the broken glass. I hate my hair. I...cut it. I looked at the hair in my hand and gulped. I started cutting my hair so that it stopped right above my shoulder blades. I looked at the broken mirror and smiled. Nice. I caressed my short hair and gulped. She loved my long hair. Void fills me up. I felt so empty.
It was the only thing I had in the memory of her. I fell down on knees. And grabbed the glass and pressed it in my hand, thinking the voices in my head will go away. The blood started oozing out from my hand. The demons started crawling back. I cannot return if I go once. I opened the tap and washed away the blood. It's not stopping. I rubbed it hard making it worse. The pain explodes in my hand. But tear? No not a single drop. I wish I could cry. A knock on my door interrupted me. Shit. Panick started filling my veins. I ran to door and opened it. I froze when I found him. At my door. With a white sweatshirt and black sweatpants. I gulped. His eyes wandered around my hair. I coughed before caressing my hair. Shit. My hand. His hand grabbed mine quickly. I looked at him. " Who did this" he asked. He had this.......mad expression on making me gulp. I looked back at the open bathroom door and looked back at him. He grabbed me by hand and pulled me towards the bathroom. The door was shut with a bang.
I gulped and tried removing my hand from his. He looked at the mess I made. The glass was splattered everywhere and my hair was on middle of the broken mirror. The blood drops were all over the floor and sink. I bit my lower lip. It's over. I'm going to be punished. I want it anyways. Only being beaten up can make up my mind right now. He left my hand and looked at me. "You did this?" He asked. I closed my eyes and waited for a slap. A moment passed. I opened my eyes to find him looking at me. I came out the bathroom quickly and took my phone. " I'm sorry about the mess I made. I will clean it up" i showed the text to him. He chuckled and looked at his left with hands on his waist. He twisted his lips piercing and looked at me. But said nothing. He grabbed me by my arm and made me sit on my bed. He went to the bathroom and came back with the aid. I extended my hand to get the aid. He stared at me for a beat before pushing it away. He kneeled infront of my bed and started treating my wound. His hair is bit wet on the end. He had this mole right below his lips and also eyebrow piercing. My gaze slid down to his lips. They looked.....soft. he also had lip piercing. His hands were veiny and fully tattooed. He had a ring on his finger. Shit. Ring. My gaze moved to the dressing table and found the ring there. I looked at him... To find him looking at me already. "Let's eat" he said. I held back and looked down indicating I don't want. "I wasn't asking, cara mia" he said in a deep voice that settled down in my stomach. "You have ten minutes. Go and change" he said. I nodded hoping he would get the fuck out. My delusion broke when he sat on my bed. "Go" he said again in a deep voice. I rushed to my closest and took a random night suit and changed. I want him out of my room as soon as possible. I went out and found him looking at his phone. He is handsome with striking features. A sharp jawline. And bulged figure. "And if you're done staring can we go" he said looking straight into my soul. I gulped and nodded. We went to the dinning table. He pulled out a chair, " sit here" he said. I looked around before sitting. He sat across me making our knees brush. I took my leg away and rubbed the side of my nose. Marina started serving dinner. She is really a sweet woman. One of the very few people i like. I kinda feel bad at the fact the this jerk scolded her. I will de- "you will be staying in the master bedroom hereafter" he said making me choke on my food. I coughed. "Jesus Christ" he muttered before passing the water. I took my phone. "You can sign. I'm .....good with those" he said making me gulp. Only Hailey understands sign language. Nobody has ever said this thing to me. Something builds inside me. I gulped and signed with my shaky hands. "And you?" I asked. "What do you mean by you? You're moving in with me" he said making me frown. "I don't want t-" " I don't care if you want or you do not want. I made my decision. You will be staying there from today night" he said interrupting me. Nothing I hate more than people ignoring me. I closed my eyes and gripped the fork hard. I knocked on the table making him look at me. " I sleep at late night" i signed. " I can stay awake" he replied and grabbed his drink. " I'm noisy" I signed again. "Well I can be too" he said. " I can't keep things neat" i signed. "I have a maid" he said shrugging his shoulders and folding his arms against his chest. I looked down and closed my eyes. "So I guess we're done. See you in our bedroom" he said and stood up. Shit. Shit. I grabbed his arm. His eyes locked with mine. I left his hand as if I touched fire. " I need some time" i signed looking up at him. "8 months were more than enough, cara mia" he said in his deep voice. Something moved in my chest. His footsteps faded away as he walked. This is really getting started.